Well Happy New Yar!!!!

Yar!! Yeah I said YAR instead of year.

It's not a typo, really.

I didn't realize it was New Year's, as I was watching the Sex in the City marathon and suddenly I heard fireworks...so I flipped it on NBC just in time to see the ball drop.

I didn't feel any differently, I felt a bit alone as the dog lay sleepin' and everyone is flippin' out cause it's New Year's. I didn't make any of those remarks of "things will be different next year" type things.

I was mostly neutral on the whole changing of the year thing.

I have no resolutions, just have worry right now. I talked to 40-year-old who is one of those guys who is like those girls who must ALWAYS have someone to make them complete.

Me, I've been single so long, it's old hat to me. I don't feel like I NEED someone to be complete, I just want to get in a job where I will stay for more than a year or two. And then look. When I got this new job, I thought...oh my I won't have a change to find anyone, to begin to settle down...then I thought, well why not? What if I find some sweet british man, some royal English fellow with a thick accent. I won't care what he says, just as long as he uses one of those mellow accents.

Or if I find a feisty Austrailian? Or a eastlander, or or....whatever.

Or no one. I'm willing to take this chance.

I'm most excited about the prospect of losing weight. I know, I won't lie, this will be a very strange experience at the beginning, but as people have told me, it will be over so quickly. I know these weeks fly by anymore. I'm still stuck in November and it's already January.

So.

I'm scared still, but scared of all the new things, getting used to it all, and finding folks to be friends with...and then I got eeked about being the only fatty on the ship. But I'm sure I won't be, I saw some older pics and I know they cannot technically hire just normal weight people. Everyone says I look normal and not huge. But I feel huge.

I'll get over it, I think once the ship sale, and I learn from the person who is doing the job now, and then she leaves...and it's just ME on my own, I think that's when I'll begin to enjoy it.

I need my space, room, just to be alone sometimes. I'm a born loner, but I do like to have one close friend to hang with, even two, three. I don't care, I'll have to be very open and stuff. Not freak if I'm on my own. Ya know.

Oh well, my stomach hurts from all the recent things. I'm still oddly worried about what the Doc will say about my lab results, I know they aren't crazy out there, but still having those flags on there, was a bit of a shock for me. I was worried about cholestrol, blood sugar, and those were fine. I didn't think about RBC being to high...etc.

It'll turn out ok, I can't see him making me take more tests due to these, I've no symptoms and I feel fine.

I do get dizzy a lot anymore, and headaches, but I think that's due to stress. Due to worry. I wrote my resignation letter last night and wondered how I would do this, I figured I would just walk into my bosses office, shut the door and say "READ THIS."

Kinda like Alice in Wonderland ... 'drink this' ... This will toss him into a loop no doubt. I just hope I don't get treated weriod. Now. I hope they let me out early since I have a shit load of vacation days now, and if they aren't willing to pay for them, then my two weeks will be vacation days.

Oh well, it's chilly out today, my mom called this morning from Florida, where it is 85 degrees. I told her, that's better than the 30's it's been here. Snow threatens everyday, but it hasn't fallen, there is no snow on the ground so to speak right now.

I like this. I hate, positively hate to drive in snow. It's so bad...scary. I can do w/o this, yup.

Anyway, I feel so mixed up and I just can't wait to LEAVE now. I know I say I'm scared and all that, but just to get out and have a certainty in my career, I'll take it.

So I'll leave on Jan. 20. Then piss around in classes from Jan. 21 to whenever. Probably sail out on Sat or Sun of that week. My sister will be in Florida on Jan. 22 ... so I said let's meet up for dinner, and asked my parents if they wanted to come and perhaps if I get to have my own room, will ... stay with me.

But I don't know, my parents said I'll probably have to share a hotel room with someone...fuck. I hope not.

Not this soon. You know.

Oh well...I realized I'll be taking some time off from playing my poor violin. Man I'll miss that, I really was getting up there, to begin the fancy stuff, vibrato and the like...now....I have to wait.

ANYWAY It's strange in my life now, since it's like yes I'm going...but oh wait what if I can't ... what IF....etc.

Oh my...I better go clean the house, it's dusty and I haven't cleaned as much as I should.

�

pet ramps