Well the exam went well.

No pootie peeks.

Just the same ol, eye, hearing ... he felt my knees, legs, ankles...took my heart rate, blood pressure, laid me on the bed and felt my stomach...then did the hernia test, which was near my thigh bone.

He listened to my chest, he put the stethescope on my left breast and I didn't even flinch. Oh my. Perhaps I've matured somewhat cause before I'd have fallen off my chair. Even when he put his hands on my thigh bone I didn't seem to care all that much.

It went fast, no EKG. My drug test came back and it was clean (whoopie!)

I'm going to call tomorrow for the others, he said I'm OK to work on the cruise, but if my results from blood/urine/x-ray show something else, he said we'll have to talk.

THEN He said "what do you think you have to do to be healthier" I said lose weight?

Yes.

I got the "you're fat" talk. Oh really? I'm fat? NO! I didn't know! He said I'm "Obese" and didn't want to hurt my feelings and explained what the difference was between normal, overweight and obese.

Thanks.

I'm fat? Really? I never saw that coming. *SIGH*

Then my mom calls and she said my aunt was like "why is Jenny worried about her exam...what part is she worried about?"

She kept saying that said Mom, and ... it was the weight part...then my mom goes on tell me that on the cruise I should lose weight.

Jesus FUCKING CHRIST when did my weight suddenly become an ISSUE FOR EVERYONE TO TELL ME ABOUT!?

Thanks! I'm fat! Yeah I know! Thanks!

Asses.

I mean I've never felt so fAT before, when suddenly my mom is telling me about shit people are saying, then she's carefully tellin' me I have to lose, then a doctor is telling me I'm OBESE.

WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE REALLY TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL.

Fuck.

That's annoying.

*SIGH* I feel like such a pig now. Oh my.

Oh well I feel slightly worried about my other tests, I know the x-ray will come out fine, but my blood and urine tests...ooh.

I have this feeling I'll get a fucked up reading for something. Like diabetes, to much sugar or something nutty. I really can't wait to get rid of all this medical shit.

I'll be happy as hell cause man, it's nerve racking to have to wait and wait for stuff. But hell I better lose weight now since everyone things I'm a blubber butt.

I'm going to definately try to get some results tomorrow. SOMETHING at least!! Just for at least a bit of piece of mind....

Then comes Monday, the resignation day (hopefully) ... oh my ... my boss told me today "I know you'll be here 5 years!" I said "I don't think sooo" He was like yeah you will.

I don't think sooooo.

Heh heh.

I was nuts today, and have been nutty as all hell lately. All this stuff is happening SO fast, and it's like I'm SCARED to do this, and at the same time excited about it all.

At the same time, worried about it all.

At the same time, I don't know, this morning, I laid in bed thinkin' God I'll miss this...just being comfortable, sleeping in when I want to get up, perhaps I can find that on the cruise....

I don't know, my life is vastly changing at such a pace and it's very frightening. I know I've prayed for this and God has answered it. And maybe my sister's boyfriend was right...he said "you've been trying for a job so long...not getting them ... maybe this is the one you've been waiting for...."

Maybe.

My parent said they might be home next week sometime ... oh man. I don't want to see them before I leave. I know that's horrible, but I will cry my face off when I leave. I'm teary eyed just thinking about it. I'm such a crier. I mean a complete baby. I don't know why, I don't just cry, but sob. With those annoying cry hiccups and ... the whole 9 yards. Then I make everyone else cry in this little epidemic of tears....

It would be easier for my sister's boyfriend to drop me off, he's kind of neutral, although I will cry when I say bye to my sister, as right now I'm already tearing up. OH MY.

Then the alone-ness begins. I know I create my own ... I guess friendships around me, make the world my family. Talk to strangers, and the like. But it's different, when you can never feel comfortable, but always on guard, always something, I guess I will get used to it somehow. Although, I'm still not fully used to sleeping alone here in Michigan....

It'll be hard, but leaving my family, these familiar places, makes me cry a lot. Oh shit, I guess I do need this little cry right now, after all this worrying the past month. Oh man...I just hate to think about leaving. Getting there isn't that hard, but saying goodbye ... well I guess perhaps I can think of it as NOT saying goodbye, but ... see ya in 4 mths. Regardless, that too is very difficult....

So I might as well not wear mascara, and try to keep control of myself. Like in the airport, which was VERY hard to control my tears. I will have to learn to control this...because ... oh man I just have to grow up somehow.

The doctor told me in 9 years I'll be middle aged. I wanted to say that I feel like I'm just a 19 year old, I feel like I'm still growing and seeing things and learning about the world. I don't feel 9 years till middle aged, but more like 15 years to it.

I guess it's growing time and I know I will struggle with this, deal with it, as my boss would say. Everyone says this is a adventure, people say they know I'll love it. They say what a thing to do for someone like me who's so young.

But all I keep thinking about is if this will mess up my life, career. I want to get married, have kids and it's like I'm getting older...soon I'll be in my 30's...then what?

I really wish I could find friends, really close friends, like Sex in the City type.

Regardless, I do want to change and grow, though I'm resisting. But when I think of how I want to get on the ship so I can get on a weight loss track, then I want to do it all because...I think I need to lose a lot and that is just the place with no restaurants, kitchens...nothing to run to for a snack.

Who will I be after these 4 months?

�

pet ramps