Well today is D-day. It's the rest of my physical exam, that scary thing is at 4:30 at my house.

I'm leaving work at 4, and will have to kick arse to run home and quickly prepare myself to be poked and proded like some cow or cadaver.

I'm praying he doesn't ask for that horrid recturm or genito-urinary part. I will flat out say no. Everyone says that has nuthin' to do with my job. I'm hoping he'll just ask me questions cause I'm not no mood to have to deal with that stress of showing ass and cooch to some stranger.

So I'm ready for a battle and feelin' uncomfortable. He's supposed to test for the hernia, he said he can check me standing up or sitting down with my clothing on... Everyone says he just will feel around my stomach, er ... okay I suppose.

I still feel nervous about it all, and I probably shouldn't be drinking caff. beverages or eating chocolate right now that will elevate my blood pressure along with my nervousiness.

My ma is like "Stop being nervous or your blood pressure will be up!" Er. okay like it's just that easy.

Like when she says "stop worrying!" Oh okay! Sure there, done!! Err...yeah.

Anyway, I ate 2 oranges last night and my body reacted to this sudden citrus fest by going to the bathroom twice last night (I never go at night) and then today at work, I've went more than I should. Right now, I feel like I can go again, I'm wondering if this might be the end of my period as well cause I stopped pretty much. But I feel HOT, flushed right now still, headachy and my stomach feels weriod.

I think it's nerves, I'm so tired of worry...that's all I ever do nowadays. It feels like as soon as one worry is gone, another one is here waiting. Like yesterday, I cannot find my fucking birth certificate, so I ordered a new one to be sent to me, that was $25 bucks out the door.

Then I find a passport is $85 dollars and takes 6 weeks to get here, and it's $10 to get my passport pictures taken. Jesus. there goes $95 dollars.

Then last night, I get my Visa bill and find my old internet company charged me again, so I called up and literally flipped out, I was pissed off and after the recent events, I didn't need another on my shoulders. So I barked and squawked like a mad woman and he said he's asking they reimburse me since AUGUST, it will be, I think I figured $65 dollars!! OH MY GAWD. It makes me so friggin mad, I feel nearly nuts about it.

Other than this, I feel nervous and yet relieved about my exam. Happy it's going to be DONE WITH, yet nervous about it at the same time. I really don't mind taking off my shirt, but my pants ... that's different. I hope he doesn't do a breast exam, cause my boobs are very tender from PMSin'

But he said most people have the exams in their kitchen or their living room.

I can't see me sitting there topless, with just a bra on, in my friggin living room ... or him doing the ol' honk honk, wink wink type stuff right there for the world to see.

So I'm mildedly relieved by this fact, yet at the same friggin time...it's like oh my ... if I continue with this job, next year I'll have to do the SAME shit.

Fuck. More blood test, x-ray and urine tests again!! Oh my, I so dread that, even though it's a year away. I'm sorry, that blood test was painful and I hope I've forgotten that pain by then. I do know I will ask for PAPER tape instead of that horrid plastic tape that ripped my arm up...ow.

Anyway, ok I shall calm down a bit, I think that doctor is afraid of me cause I probably sound frightened ... Mom says he's more afraid of me than I am of him...I wanted to say he's not like a bee or rattlesnake. But I am sure he wants to get in, and get out within those 15 minutes! Cause to hell if I'm going to be payin' for another 15 minutes. Someone here said all those blood tests will cost around $400! And I had an x-ray too! JESUS.

Oh my I forgot I have a hearing and eye test to complete with him. They are so simple tests, but at the same time, it's like I have friggin glasses, why do I need a eye test? I know he'll look in my ears, my mouth, my eyes... He'll listen to my heart and then on my back to my lungs, breathing.

I wonder if he'll make me bend over to see if my spine is correct or feel around for my organs. Then...bone structure...hum.... Then nutty Jen putting her foot down to pootie peeks. I will say it outright, although he kept saying he doesn't do Pap Smears or anything like that ... so I'm guessing, like I've said before, he doesn't want a lawsuit and it IS very awkward to do that at home, let alone in someone's kitchen or living room.

So I will TRY to breathe easier and tell myself I CONTROL THIS SITUATION, this is MY Body and MY LIFE. I can say no.

It's just saying it in a not a "I'm a crazy bitch" way is difficult.

Anyway, today is going by well and fine, it's 2 and it's chilly in here. I hope my blood tests come out fine and dandy for the good doctor and that they don't find my cholestrol or sugar up and so I don't need any pills...oh my.

I really must lose weight, I will tell him one of my GOALS on this "boat" is to lose weight. I foresee me walking around after my day's work...just to get out and around and explore the ol' place. I'm sure after a month I will know my job and know the ship somewhat.

I just can't wait until this day is OVER. Then *cheer* tomorrow I work half a day! AND at 11 they have a Sex in the City marathon of the 5th season!!!! ;) So what...that's like...wow....10, 20 episodes?? OH my how galorious, I'll be able to catch up finally.

I'm just happy I don't have to go to some strange sterile office, and just have some "company" in my home, where I rule the roost and not them. Muh ha ha. I hope toto deals with it fine and dandy, I suppose I'll let him run around and if he gets a bit to nutty, toss this doggie in my bedroom and slam the door.

Oh well, I'm guessing he'll play with his toys and leave me be. Oh my.

I keep letting it slip, and letting the cat ever so slightly out of the bag, here at work, my mom called and I was talking about the exam a bit to freely, I said outloud "but Ma it says New Hire, over 40 years old!"

Maybe they'll think I was talking about something other than me....ooh.

Oh well, I'm guessing I'll have no EKG now, so I'm happy happy happy, the way it's worded is strange, but as I read on it appears as if I don't need it...later on I mean in the packet .... Oh well, that's $25 bucks LESS for me, so that's groovy as hell.

Yet a piece of me, feels strange still...I'll update after my exam tonight probably...tell that horror tale! :) Thank God it's only 15 minutes...or whatever, they said it only takes not even a minute to look at some things, like hernia...etc. Oh my.

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pet ramps