I cannot friggin believe it.

I'm getting a sick again. At work I was sitting there doing the paper and this girl who was checking pages was near me, she's sick as hell coughing, sniffing and looking like hell.

So I'm sitting there and little by little my throat is beginning to hurt. This girl is coughing and apologizing. I'm sitting here now with a horrible lump in my throat that is hurting something bad and I have the chills.

I'm usually a very healthy person, I rarely get sick, but I go through these periods where I get majorly sick. I haven't had one of these times for a long time, not since back in college where I was actually bed ridden for a few days. I was really really sick, I remember crying cause I felt so bad.

So now, I'm sitting here comtemplating not going to work out tonight, cause I really feel tired right now, like lay my head down on the table and sleep tired, cranky .... ew.

I helped out the sick girl, she's moving near our company and she needs a job, so I got our company's listing of jobs ... gave her numbers to call.

I kept thinking, that's what I would want someone to do for me if I were in her prediciment.

I applied for a job (while surfing careerbuilder at work) for a page design job in Illinois. I've applied to a lot of jobs lately it seems, but no calls just yet. I guess that's a blessing almost so I don't have to re-arrange my recent busy schedule.

Today is the first day where I had actually nothing to do. No pressing matters, just actual free time. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I guess I should be happy when the lean times come that I have my Mondays and part of Tuesdays filled, Wed and Thurs are kinda filled, but nothing that has been like it has been with our 50 million Christmas sections due and no help (though was promised help...ya right.)

Oh well, I felt nice, good to have helped that girl. I just wish I had someone to do that for me, or had her drive to actually call up a company and ask for a job. I guess she is naive, she's a recent graduate too, so maybe that explains it.

Oh well I played 20 questions with 40-year-old. I read his tarot, then I read mine. It says that I'm in a confused state right now and need to look for the signs.

I pulled out the queen of wands or some card like that, and it's a very good one - meaning I'm super human lol Or something odd like that.

My basically said I need to pay more attention to these signs, but be aware of what a confusing time this is for me.

It was eerie cause that seems to be my theme in life right now...confusion.

I'm not sure what I'm searching for, I think just a place where I'm content and happy.

Hum. Anyway I quizzed 40-year-old about his marriage and life and stuff. It wasn't much. He said he was "pouring his heart" out to me. I didn't think that was a pouring of the heart, pouring of the heart is when you talk about things...that are more than just "this is what happend" it's more like ... this is what happend and this is how I felt.

He didn't do that much of that and he doesn't seem to want to reveal his emotions all that much, or maybe be more open to me ... just like how pook is to me. They are afraid of opening up.

I mean I know I'm like that, I'm hard to read, flighty. But, I've never once wronged them with revealing secrets or betraying them.

I don't understand it, I want to help them, I want them to be happy.

But they won't let me in.

I'm outside that door, and maybe, it's because that's how I am to people sometimes. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

Regardless, I can't be the flirty, sexy girl 40-year-old wants me to be, that's not me, I keep thinking it's because I'm not used to that sort of thing. I don't know if I want that sort of thing from him.

Confusion again.

I know deep down, he's wrong for me, and maybe he's just an amusing toy right now, nothing serious, but a play thing to experiment on.

Maybe that's wrong, but then again, maybe he knows it. I'm the type that once the next best thing comes along, he will be out of the picture.

Maybe he knows that too. Maybe that's why I won't play his games and flirt. I don't know.

My parents are leaving Thursday/Thanksgiving for Florida. I didnt' really mind being alone on Thanksgiving until I heard people talking in the office about how they were going to cook and get stuff ready.

I kept thinking, well my delicious dinner will be a fucking Lean Cuisine turkey dinner. How joyful for me. My Thanksgiving will revolve around me trying to figure out what I need to cook for the week and how much money I'll need, how my credit card is again maxed out - and how I'll have to clean the house for pooks ... and care for the dog, gas my car up, find someone to plow the drive, snow storms and the like.

I'm not ready to live alone suddenly, it would be so much easier if I lived at home, in a city, close to town where you know help is just a yelp away and safety is better cause you're not on the highway at midnight during a snow storm.

I really, terribly hate winter and Michigan during these times. It makes me sad.

Anyway, I still have the chills really bad, and I'm chowing on vanilla yogurt raisins while typing this and thinking about having my lunch in a few.

Oh well I tried on my victorian dress last night and took out three of the hoops. I felt like a blob. I tried on my cape too and hat, I looked very Victorian, it was werid cause I look like a christmas tree, just a triangle. then there is the only part of me sticking out - my face and two white hands that clench the cape shut.

I keep trying to figure out how to keep the dress from dragging and so I don't trip over it. I decided to roll up the hoop skirt a bit and then roll up the skirt and make a belt/sash for it. I think that'll be my project for the weekend, I wish my ma had left the sewing machine up ... but she didn't so I think I'll hand sew it. Oh fuck, I'll need like...hooks or something to tie it on with....hmmm or maybe I can just sew a bow on it! Yeah that'll work and just tie it. hum. Or buy velcro...ooh ok I'm off to Kmart!

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pet ramps