I really hate working Sundays. I come in and feel that maybe I'll get out early, at a reasonable hour, like before Carnivale comes on HBO at 9:30.

But it's a lie. I don't get out until late and go home awake and full of shit. I go to bed late and wake up early for Monday.

Monday's there, so much work to do, have to go exercise after work, feed the dog, practice violin.

Call the parents.

This is everyday of my life, same shit, different day, is the most used quote in this office. I usually say SSDD acroynm.

Tonight the new boy is working, doing pages one and three. He keeps asking me why we don't do this or that. I want to say I don't fucking know, leave me alone already, sheesh.

But I argue with him, and then go back to work. I keep trying to listen to my CD player, but working with two people who suddenly out of the blue want to talk about how unfair the new you-have-to-have-thick-skin little critiques of our work is so very wrong.

I hate it, I tell everyone this. They agree, but it seems no one wants to say anything.

I tell everyone, well if you can't tell anyone this, then nothing will change. Then they just look at me.

Hello. I want to say and knock on their forehead and say, you all think I'm so quiet and shy but at least I can tell the boss when I think something is wrong.

So I'm alone in the office listening to Dave Matthews 'Some Devil' bootleg cd I burned. I'm eating Maruchan instant wonton noodles and wonder the point value.

I tossed some icky dried fruit in my drawer. I love dried fruit, don't get me wrong, but not those huge pieces of like apple or peach or plums. It's like eating something that looks like that dead squirrel that has decayed into jerky or something.

The fruit is funky and wrinkly looking, I just can't do it, I tried to eat a peach part and it just made me sick.

Oh well wonton soup is pretty good, I wouldn't think there would be much carbs in it, yeah wonton, but not like the noodle soups.

It sits quaintly in front of my monitor, it's against the rules here at work to eat at your desk. So I'm breaking the rules...oh no.

Oh well, I feel a bit different now. I talked to my friend last night and he asked why I just don't go for jobs far away. I said I didn't want to be away from family/friends and he was like...why?

I didn't really know, I guess scared. I don't like that much change, I need people, I hate being alone, take your pick.

He asked about 40-year-old and I said...no we're not dating or anything. Nuthin'.

Then today, I was telling pooks how I'm still sore from my exercise class and he said 'why don't your 40-year-old boyfriend.'

Geez that was harsh, I told him he's not my boyfriend.

Pooks is weriod about this. I don't know why. We never talk to each other about our relationships. We might say, 'hey this new guy I'm talking to is hot and loaded..."

Me I was telling about about the whole sex talk last night.

But then we don't really go into our dates and stuff. I don't know why. We're best friends, but there is this strangeness we have.

Maybe it's me, maybe it's him. But often times I feel disconnected. I feel he doesn't care sometimes, he's selfish in that way. I will listen to him always, but he often times cuts me off.

He doesn't want to listen, doesn't care, says I'm bitching. Then he gets nasty. I don't know if it's jealousy, we both compete for unknown reasons.

I dont' know why, we've always been this way, it's like why doesn't he trust me....I think that is what bothers me the most about pooks.

He's like a brother to me, I mean I care deeply for the boy, I just have to wonder what he feels for me.

Well anyway, enough about boys, it seems from last night to tonight, I've had men on the mind, from losing my pureness till now. A few folks emailed me and told me to wait for the right guy. I decided to just let the whole sex thing lay low. I'm in no position to even think about doing anything (no pun intended.)

I applied for two jobs tonight, and some on Friday, so come that crisp, ripe Monday I expect...hummm oh .... well let's see ZERO calls! ;) I'd rather be truthful and be surprised if someone does call.

I think maybe I've sent out about 1,000 resumes so far, but my luck has been good lately, with two calls (though they didn't pan out) on the past month. Now that's somethin' as my aunt Joan would say.

Hm.

It's always so hard when eating these soups like Maruchan's ... do you eat the noodles first, or the broth? Or both at the same time?

Hum.

�

pet ramps