Hum. I went and mailed out ALL but one of my ebay packages.

Even the tickets went out, it cost me $26 to mail everything, yikes. Then I mailed one more package and that was $6.75. So fuck, what is that $32.75 in postage? Good god.

If only, yes if only, I charged MORE for postage because fuck me most of the packages were more than the $5 postage I required. Duh Jen!! But one package went for $4...so that made up a bit lol.

One went for $8!! Damn! I was like...oh well... they are sold, it's over.

I sent the tickets with a confirmation, the girl has to SIGN for the things! That was $5 to do that.

But at least it's piece of mind for me so incase she says "I never got them" I can be like "oh yeah you did!"

;)

But who cares, loooky me debit free from my parents now! Whoo hoo.

Anyway, I talked to 40-year-old man last night, creepy boy. He wants to go on a "road-trip" with me.

It was creepy because I was talking about how cold it was out and how lovely it is to come in doors on those cold days and just snuggle up with someone.

Hum. I didn't think, well hope he didn't think I was talking about him.

So I said...I dunno maybe.

It's funny, I read this guys diary last night who's a virgin, well was one until a few weeks again, he was 34 years old.

I thought I was bad being a pure gurl at my ripe age of 26, but man, I hope I'm not a purist when I'm in my 30's. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but ... I dunno, I want to see what the hype is about.

Then I want to kind of see the difference in others, you know, instead of marrying one person and only haveing them all my life, I want to kind of experient I guess.

Regardless, he talked about his first time and it was ... hum, it sounds very ... I don't know, like uncomfortable. I can understand that, cause I think of it as someone invading your personal space and I guess the key is wanting that person to invade your personal space.

So. Hm. I wonder how I'll lose mine, I always think of the guys who've I have told that I'm V - they always, always offer to relieve me of that. So it's not like I haven't had the chance.

I could call up 40-year-old tell him to come over and let it be done. I know he wants to, but me, I can't see that.

He's already invaded my space and I didn't know really what to do, so I'm guessing he isn't the one because he makes my skin crawl, like the get your hands offa me deal.

I tend to think of it like a doctor...like I could go to this doctor to check me over and see me, make me feel something new ... or I can shop around and find one I'm really comfortable with, so the feelings are mutual.

So that's that. Plus I think what Mr. 40-year-old wants is just a fling, not that I want a relationship with him, but I foresee him as someone who just wants to have a fuck-partner.

It's weriod to think of myself as that, just a toy to him to play around with, nothing more. I guess I never thought of someone else seeing me sexually. It's hard to explain. It's not that I don't enjoy that feeling, when we first met he made me feel like I was normal, this pretty little thing for him.

I guess he makes me feel like that sometimes, and maybe that's why I still talk to him.

Regardless, he's not what I want, plain and clear. I know I won't go on a road trip with him, I can foresee a whoops, gotta spend the night here at this hotel type deal .... Ooh.

Ok subject change.

I'm going to exercise today after work. I want to get there a bit early, like around 5, or so, and I'm hoping I won't be bogged down with stuff to do here. They say the busy time is 5 to 6, and I don't want to have to fight for a treadmill.

Tomorrow is kickboxing, Wednesday is body fit, Thursday I have off, Friday is just the gym.

I'm excited to go because I really need to tighten up. My inner thighs are just complete lard now, they and my abs have gained everything. I'm hoping after going 2 weeks straight I'll show improvement.

I'm drinking a lot of water at work today, just to get my body hydriated somewhat. I know I won't bust a chop today cause God I haven't been to the gym in so very long, not since August.

Three months, wow. I was thinking about going low carb again, but I don't want to change my eating habits to just meat because I don't really like meat to begin with.

I guess if I just try to lay off bread as a snack I'll be okay, eat more fruit and shit.

Argh, I feel bad cause poor toads will be locked in the kitchen all day, then for my workout time. I feel oddly guilty. Poor babes. He's going to be very hungry and probably pissy that I'd left him all day.

But ma and dad are supposed to come home next week sometime. They want to go to Dizzy world Fri and Saturday, then leave ... I'm guessing they'll be home next Tuesday or Wed. Of course this hinges on how well grandma does in her chemo.

Undoubtedly she'll be ill, tired and all of that jazz. I wish at least something would be positive in all the negative news we've heard about her lately.

I feel like I don't know her really, and I feel like I'll never really know her or even had the time to get to know my grandma.

If I have kids, I want them to know their grandparents, not like this, not like grandma is just a passing friend, I know she's my grandma, mother to my father, married my grandpa, plays violin and a few family things, but that's all I know about her.

I don't even know her favorite color.

Oh well, I'm thinking about Christmas and what to get everyone. It's always hard to buy people stuff, then of course, the money issue. Man, I need to clear my credit card, I want to do that for when I go to Florida. Just in case, you know, I hope granny gives us $1,000 again. Mom said she said she was.

It's so helpful, I don't know what I'd do without that yearly money. This year that'll go to my visa probably, then the rest deposited into my savings at home.

I get paid this week too, yippee! I send out my car payment on Wednesday, as a just in case I need money, but I'm doing good now the tickets sold and also I have money from my auctions. Unfortunately, I ran up my credit car bill with my Victorian dress/shirt ($75? or 85) then used it to buy a straw hat and adhesive spray for my bonnet - that was like $19 dollars!

So okay no more using credit card. I think I'll put $200 on that with my next check and give my sister $100 for my disney trip, then I'll owe her...hmm 350 or something like that.

That's not to bad, I guess I can wait to pay her or my visa until the end of the month too.

OH I was contacted by those people who're making my dress, they said yes they got my order and yes I'll get it before the end of November! YESS! I'm happy about this, but now worried that somehow my boss will be like we're not participating or something like that...I've spent about $200 on all the stuff so far, seriously, the hoop skirt - $30, outfit lets say $80, bonnet materials: $30, cape materials man $30 ... oooh plus extras from whatever....man.

I'll be really mad if I don't get to wear that outfit! lol I think I'd rather walk in the parade than ride in a sleigh, seriously, that's some major exercise.

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pet ramps