It's been a weriod past few days.

I've had Thursday off, Friday, Saturday ... so it feels like it should be Sunday tomorrow.

Thursday I went to violin and gave my teachers a framed picture I took of them. It was so odd, because I'm still amazed how well it went together - the 8x10 didn't fit the frame, so I got a matt, and it fit the 5x7 perfectly, and it was a creme color and matched the frame perfectly, it wasn't planned, but I'm happy it worked out.

Odd my teacher was there while I was buying her present, odd that she say Jennifer you shouldn't have - as a joke.

So odd.

It was nice, sweet, I hope I didn't look to creepy, ya know?

Oh well, today, I went to the fitness guru at the gym. I was so nervous, but she was so very nice and understanding.

It was fun, and I tried to be attentive, and listen and make me worth her while!

She asked what happend, why I stopped going. And we talked, she gave me a little routine, very good, do this, do that.

It's just for starters she said.

Ug, I thought, I could barely lift 10 lbs, I am so weak, so I think she gave me enough motivation to GO because if I don't...I don't want to have to explain.

I've been eating better, all the halloween candy is gone, I bought some Kudos bars (I'm addicted!) and some dried fruit - mainly pineapple. It's so good! Yummies.

I made myself these pizza thingys for dinner - a WW recipe - that were just okay. I have heart burn. (Going to get Tums right now ....)

I wonder if these Tums make me bloated? My body always gets puffy after I eat these.

Oh well. Ahem ... I totally am going all out for my Victorian outfit. I kept thinking WHAT IF I have a job interview, and all that jazz, but considering that it's Nov. much less only the first week, I don't think I have any worry.

I got an email today from this website telling me two companies looked at my resume. I call it false hope. I wish they'd call.

I sent out a resume today too, so many my card is coming up soon. Let me tell you honestly, right now, I'm getting very nervous and afraid.

Yes afraid. Because we're getting snow already, and last year the snow didn't fall until Jan.! I'm very worried it'll snow like hell and I won't have anyone to plow for me, I told the guy who did it for me last year to fuck off - he wanted to charge me $18 a plow!! NO. I have one other person, perhaps, to call, but who knows.

See my parents aren't home from Florida yet, they might be home in a week and a half, but I worry that the snow will fly, and I'll be stuck.... I know I'm over reacting, but you don't understand how bad it was last year. So bad there were days I couldn't see the ROAD as I was driving, didn't know if I was about to get hit by a car, or go off the road, it was that bad, that fast, that white.

Times where I came home late at night, and the guy forgot to plow the drive, the snow drifted so high I could only pull my car up into the drive a bit, with it fishtailing. It was scary, cold I had to shovel the whole driveway morning and night, everyday.

Granted I had muscles, but, I also had undue stress, and I became depressed, you can't go outside, it's so cold, you can't do anything, can't leave.

So if I get teary eyed thinking and talking about it, it might seem that I'm over reacting, but I remember those times, and remember that loneliness.

I don't want to be alone.

I feel like someone in a movie - the scene of a girl in a darkening room with tears streaming down her face. "I don't want to be alone..."

Perhaps I've been to 'big and bad' to ambitious, to rough and tough I can do it all attitude, I don't need anyone type.

That's not me, now I realize. I DO need people, I do not want to be alone, I hate it. I crave people, not just anyone, but friends, family, people I'm comfortable with.

I guess it's just me.

Oh well enough of this looney talk.

OK My victorian outfit is freaking me out,the place I ordered it from has NOT emailed me. I mean they emailed a fake one saying they got the order, but I emailed again saying I NEED THIS FAST. And no reply! Hello! So I'm scrambling to find a fall back plan.

BUT SO FAR, I have my hoop shirt coming in the mail. I have a yard of velvet for my bonnet I'm making. I have the dress and shirt ordered...but they worry me as they haven't emailed.

My outfit is a rust colored skirt with a white sleeved top with puffed sleeves at the bottom. I'm going to sew black piping on the trim of the dress and shirt. Going to make a sash for the waist and sew beads on it.

Going to make a bonnet.

Mom's making a cape.

I just NEED a confirmation on the skirt and top those are the MOST important things!!! If not, I'll get a skirt elsewhere and maybe take a white blouse and make it a victorian shirt...lol

Argh, stressing me out.

Also my tickets I"m selling on ebay aren't selling. Fuck me already, I need that money, my auctions are going shitty to say the least. Fuck fuck fuck.

�

pet ramps