I really feel kind of bad after I wrote two such angry and bitter diary entries lately.

It's like I'm abusing myself, then saying I'm sorry and it won't happen again, though I know it will.

I'm not sure what funk I'm in lately, I guess I'm rebelling somehow, throwing a tantrum. My parents say I've been so angry and mean lately, but they don't seem to understand why.

They just think it's funny when they piss me off or try to controll my life as if I'm still a kid. I know I live under their roof, but I can't help that, I can't help that I can't find a better job. I don't know what they want me to do.

I just hope my life will be become some huge ping pong as I'm tossed about.

Maybe the change in season has me in this funk, maybe it's the rainy weather or maybe it's my hormones. I don't feel like doing the stuff I used to love to do. I guess I'm just lazy or just to bitchy to realize it.

I'm skipping violin tomorrow, I think, next week I have Thursday off, and I'm going shopping. My boss has had me working about two weeks straight now, with only one day off. It's utterly ridiculous, I'm tired and burnt out already.

I want to go to violin tomorrow, yet I do not. I haven't practiced as I said I would, I will tonight just for the sake of it. Maybe I'll go tomorrow if I do okay, I don't want to miss it that much, not now when we're so close to the end.

Oh well, I begin exercise too, Tuesday. I think Monday I will go and pay my fees and sign up to talk with that girl about my plan. It'll be weriod, but I'm ready for this, I'm making myself excited about it cause I have to go.

I'm going to FL. with my sister in Januaray, so I have to slim down. I feel so yuckly, like a chubby baby. It's nasty. I must lose at least 10 lbs by then, that's all I ask.

I've been trying to cut back and eat better, granted this is hard with Halloween and stuff, but I'm doing better now, I'm going to try to cut back on carbs and try to eat more wise.

Oh well I want to begin WW again, writing down points and like. I know that'll help a lot.

I'm on a mission now to save money. I have to pay for my trip to Fl: which is $555 just for room, tickets and airline .... we're going in JAN. so I know I can give my sister that money each paycheck, or at the very least, with Grandma's christmas money.

I feel like I should've told her NO, because I also have to pay my parents the money for my Sarah B tickets, it's $500 too, but I'm selling $250 of em' so I'll at least get money back, I just am WAITING for them in the fucking MAIL. When I get them, they are going up on EBAY lickity split so I can get my money back, I'm oddly worried that I won't, but I know someone will by them, at the worst I can sell them for less than $250. I told my parents it's MY MONEY that will be lost, not theirs.

So.

I am having a ebay auction-rama too, I'm selling clothing, perfume, books and jewelry that I don't use or want anymore.

It's a lot of junk to me, stuff that clutters up my bedroom. I'm thinking about selling some other things, but I still have to go through a lot of my shit.

I'm hoping to bank at least $200 on my sales. That's something at least. I wish I kept the box my violin came in, my cheapy one, or else I'd sell it too. Bow and all. No case though cause er' I use the case for it with my older violin.

I'm trying to think of other things to sell. I nearly want to sell the bottle of chanel number 5 my sister got me for xmas last year. I don't really use it or wear it. Oh and I'm selling my Max comics that I was collecting, I nearly had em' all, one is even signed by the artist. That should go for at least $30.

I'm thinking I'll do pretty good, I just have to get my camera inside so I can get the auctions going. I emailed ticketmaster cause I haven't gotten my FUCKING TICKETS YET either. That pisses the HELL OUT OF ME because I really need to get them up on ebay fast before ya know, I need that money.

I wish I could sell some of the old violin parts I have, my parents don't like that though cause it was grandpa's but where do I need a box full of pegs? Horsehair for a cello bow? 10 chin rests?

Maybe I should put out a paypal donation box on one of my sites, or sell those ornaments I've made. Hum! So many possibilities!!!!

Oh well, I should get back to work stop all this ebay dreaming.... hum.

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pet ramps