It's 11:18 right now, and just to think we fall back tonight, so it's really 10:18.

I don't know why that fascinates me. Like when you pass from Indiana to Michigan and lost that hour.

Mysterious!

I have a nasty headache from playing that fucking game. It's like you're GOD In that game - you take care of people and do miracles and stuff.

No one is ever statified, it goes good for a bit, then boom shit blows up. I guess it's like real life.

Maybe there isn't a God, but maybe we ourselves ARE GOD.

Mysterious!

Anyway, my headache is here and saying Jenny you drank to much pop and ate to much. You know how it goes Jenny dear.

The family is getting back on eating right. So I'm treadin' off to that road too. I'm going back to the gym in November. I know it'll be hard, but I have to go, I keep thinking about my concert and wanting to feel good again, but just don't want to begin off so slow and feeling like shit, but I guess you have to go through the bad to get to the good sometimes.

I'm still mildly angry about that job prospect. I'm over it pretty much, easy come, easy go. Good riddance.

I just keep thinking today about ALL the work I have to do tomorrow and just hope I don't get majorly cranky and wishing that I really did have a job interview.

I get like that sometimes, don't know why. Just itching to get out, at the same time just happy to get through days like tomorrow.

Then happy that there isn't a new, life change that I have to deal with, just get to go home and know what's going to be waiting there for me. I know when I move I'll miss my parents, I'll cry all over again. I cried when I left Indiana and I'll cry when I leave Michigan. It's all for the best, I know that now, things happen, people really do change, it's just at different levels.

My sis came up and stayed two days here, I wonder if they misses her family, and I wonder how people just leave their families and seemingly don't miss them. I guess at a point in your life home just disappears and you have to create your own home, find a mate and have a child and make that your new home.

I so worry I'll never have that, I feel it. I wish I knew for certain, maybe it'd be easier.

I wish I knew a lot of things, and I know not knowing is probably better, still.

So yes, I have to lose weight, and yeah I've been looking at WW stuff. and Yes I'm going to cut back on carbs. No more popcorn at work or candy. That's my downfall and a bad, very bad habit I've created. I need to buy fruit or veggies and have THAT for my late afternoon work snack. I've been drinking my water with my WW mug, but need to get myself to the grocery store once a week and stock up.

Today I dragged out all my exercise clothes and cleared out my bottom drawer and put them all in there. Then cleared out my undier/sock/bra drawer and took the shit that was to old out and also put undies that were for "when I lose more weight" ... I put those away cause I tried on a pair and felt like I was wearing duct tape, it was bad news. So I put them aside and took them out of "circulation" in my drawer.

I found a brand new pair of Jockey black undies,the most comfy undies in the WORLD. I LOVE that brand, it's just so damn expensive, 4 pairs is like $20. It's nuts, but they are SO lovely and I got em' on sale for cheapy prices! ;) They are my holy grail of undies.

Anyway, I'm gonna have to friggin' get on my weight loss so the clothing I have fits. I really weeded through my clothing and put stuff that fits me now out and things that used to fit me away. I figure after 2 weeks I should begin to show in weight loss - muscle tone, weight loss...er at least I'll feel better going. That first two weeks is the hardest in my opinion.

I'm not sure what I'm gonna do on the WW area, write down points, or eat lower carbs or what. I guess all of the above. Something, but cuttin' back!! It'll be hard, but worth it, and I'll want to learn how to eat that way the rest of my life. That's how it should be.

I'll try my hardest, something, but in the back of my mind I always think about when that JOB comes and when I dig up my roots and bury myself somewhere else at a new gym and new things, schedules, and trying to keep on track. I guess I'll think of it when it happens, not like it's happening anytime soon.

Ug why can't I be as good and motivated as all these friggin people on the net who seem to lose weight so fast and easy like they are just fucking learning how to sew and are fantastic at it. *SIGH* Argh, it's HELL to be fat, but I KNOW I have to do something cause I feel like I'm as big as I was when I moved up here. I just hope I do well in kickboxin' and don't fuck up and look like an ASSHOLE. I just don't even FEEL like going cause I hate feeling that way. Hum.

Anyway, Gawd. Today TOTO, my dog won second place in this pet parade. We went as devils! I wore a red boa and horns, a red sweater and black pants/coat.

Here's a pic

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pet ramps