Man, October/FALL must be a sicky, shit time for me.

Although last year wasn't that bad, I'm having a rough time lately for some reason.

I went yesterday to Big Rapids to tour the companies second site, I was gone from 9:30 until about 4:30. I was so tired and felt SO sick, I was grumpy as all hell.

I didn't go to exercise because I was feeling so shitty. I haven't been sleeping well lately for some reason, last night mom woke me up at 4 A.M. cause she said I was breathing werid and it scared her.

I woke up instantly grumpy at 4 a.m. (I think anyone would) so then I was just UP because of adreniline, I thought something was wrong in the house or something crazy like that. I didn't get back to sleep until 6:30, then I woke up at 9.

Since yesterday I've been very flushed...I dont' know if I ate something that I'm somewhat allergic to (anything citrus does that to me, but I haven't had anything citrus ... except a blue berry muffin).

So I was so tired, flushed, feeling so hot like I had a temperature, and near tears I was just so run down/burnt out.

Yesterday it seemed everyone wanted to blame ME for the printing problems. SO I was on guard all day fighting and making sure people knew it wasn't me, and it was SO LOUD in there, the presses, the smell of ink. I was literally ill from it all, seriously. I never got so sick as I did yesterday, not in a long time... my parents were like ..."are you okay?" I was like, just kill me.

Then I felt hopeless like giving up, fuck it all. But I'm better today but still flushing up now and then, I think my body is trying to fight something because this girl in the office had these same symptoms a couple of days ago, although she had it worse.

So I think I just need a good nights rest, need to calm down.

I really wanted to exercise this week, but just am too pooped to get over there, next week is nuts with all these sections to do, I just feel like even when I get ahead, I'm still so behind.

I might work on Saturday merely to get things done, I dont' like having things over my head like this.

Pts wise I'm doing OK ... so far today : 13 pts I believe.

The candy is almost gone from my desk, so that's good news, I figured I can eat right at least.

But my attitude today is: Leave me the fuck alone, I don't want to hear it nor deal with it. Get outta my face asshole.

I know, how nice of me.

I called to interview my violin teachers for a story and my male teacher said the female teacher I was calling for just broke down near Traverse and he was rushing to get her. I said I was callin' just to interview ... then realize he could be pissy cause I probably should interview her first...oh well screw it.

Friday I'm going back to Traverse to pick up my violin, I'm still mildly upset that it cannot be fixed, I had my heart on playing it, it was so unique looking. But I don't have that money to spend in it now.

So I'll do with my brown/monster violin, which I haven't played since my class! I'm practing tonight, though I should be practing 10 mins a day like I said I would. Fuck.

At least, thank God, we're working on somewhat easy things, naturals ... in F, and I think in A next time. It's like the beginning, I'm just happy as hell that we're not doing any new fucking ways to play things. I mean you get so much terminology and it's hard to remember it all, we have about 4 pages until we're done with the book, until we turn into the "second year students."

I wonder if our class is on track or if we are behind. I 'm trying to think of the 2nd yr students now, I don't know where we are, we do okay, but again I hear we must tune our own instruments now and that has always been a problem for me especially since I cheat with my electronic tuner. Maybe my ears aren't adjusted yet.

Hm I think I need to practice alot cause really I feel less confident anymore when I try to play a song and fuck up. I know it's cause I don't practice as I should, my teachers are probably like jesus what are we to do w/ her. lol

Oh well I should get back to work, I have so much to do, in no time and no one seems to see this except me. My boss is taking off next week so I get to play "head paginator" and do pages 1, 2, 4 everyday on top of my normal work, which is no easy feat now that I have so much due...he doesn't seem to care cause he's on vacation.

Today he was like I am so ready for vacation.

I wanted to say, do you know I'm as burned out as you or more? I didn't though. Yesterday I shocked em' cause he jokingly said I was being transferred down to that shitty office in Big rapids, I said "Then I'll quit, I will quit" and the big boss came over and was like "Jennifer's not going anywhere" seriously.

Yesterday too I probably spoke out of turn to much, I was reading and looking at this paper yesterday and saw bad pagination stuff this person had done, I showed the editor of this other paper and said "I should show this to Dave (my boss) maybe he'd appreciate me more." My big boss heard this I think, then I was like fuck I shouldn't have said that....

But still. We're all tired, those of us who took that shit trip yesterday, we're all beat today, cranky and tired.

I just need a vacation myself, maybe I will take something in November, after all of this craziness a day off on Thursday or something. I dunno.

�

pet ramps