I started to write an update before, but deleted it cause I didn't like it.

I always do that for some reason. Oh well.

I'm at work, as always, on a Sunday. I'm going to have to talk to my boss about working Sundays when the snow comes. They already say it's gonna be a bad winter and I am NOT going to risk life and limb for this shit job. So I'm going to say, I'll come in early to do the paper on Sundays, but I am NOT going to stay until 10 or 11 for it, especially when it's snowing so bad. Fuck you, fuck off.

I'm hoping, praying (God please?) that I will be out of here by then. Back to Indiana the land clean highways, so much salt used that your new car will be rusted out by spring time.

The land of clear streets, no boonie town places, yeah we actually PLOW OUR FUCKING STREETS.

Not like Manistee here, where they did NOT plow their streets after a heavy snow until two days later when you didn't drive your car, you just let it slide about, yeah I slid into traffic a few times, I went down sideways on a highway when my car lost it in a curve (my fault I was driving to fast at 20 mph).

Yeah I'll be.

Bitter as hell If I'm still here during the snow times. Yet I feel as if I have zip, zero, NO ChANce in HeLL for an interview anymore, no calls, my phone has spider webs on it.

Yeah my horoscope tomorrow says it's a good day in my career ... yeah my horoscope says so much, but I feel so damn angry and bitter and sad and depressed anymore.

This job thing, last week, threw me through the grinder and I'm feeling beat up and vulnerable, I feel ... just blah.

But again, I think my period is rear it's ugly head, I woke up with such bad cramps last night at 4 a.m. that bore right on through to my spine, it hurt to move, I thought and wondered if I could become paralyzed from these fucking cramps as I lay in bed looking at the ceiling, my room smelled of dry cleaning solvant from my winter coat I just picked up and of hamburgers that dad made for dinner (I didn't have any and didn't eat dinner) and I was a bit hungry, tired and felt my legs tingling at the thought of me becoming Christopher Reeves due to these cramps from hell.

So I got up and got some pills and went to bed, I think I died cause I slept in till 11. It felt good, but I'm guessing I screwed up my inner clock since I have to get up at 8:30 at least tomorrow.

Tomorrow I go to exercise, whoopie. I hope it's not that fuck face guy who taught the last ones, I'm wondering because ... there is like two different step classes...so it's like he must be teaching one of them.

Oh well, I'll just have to go and see and then shell out that $40 DOLLARS so I can sweat and feel good about myself.

grr I feel oddly angry today. I was okay until the night/sports editor came in. He's a bit grumpy and snatched the remote from me and turned it on fucking SPORTS and turned it loud. I got an instant headache, seriously. I wanted to say "why the FUCK do you turn it on sports each WEEK when you don't even WATCH it, and when I sit right by the tv and have to suffer through it!"

But naw, I didn't say anything.

THEN I made fat free popcorn (Single Serving bag) and I brought it out with my diet coke caff. free. He comes over and buries his hand in the bag without asking!

Then sticks his hand in there again, popcorn pouring out on my desk. Jesus H. Christ!!!!

I was like sheesh!! I'd never do that to someone. He's so selfish, I can see WHY he's still single, and never married. He just thinks about himself. Like when it snows out he won't let me leave to go early when I have to drive a HALF HOUR IN snow so thick you can't even see the road. Yeah it's dark out, I could die, but he doesn't want to be fucking left ALONE IN THE OFFICE cause he's a selfish prick.

He was bitching because I have to go to the print. fac. Tuesday and tour it with some co-workers. I don't want to go, but he's mad cause his night employee has to finish up my pages.

Oh cry me a fucking river you asshole. It's no wonder!! They say he's a virgin too.. tee-hee

I know I'm one too, but I have an "air" about me that I'm somehow NOT one, which is OK with me. I don't want to be the butt of stupid jokes I hear them say about him and his pure-ness.

Oh well, fuck it.

My wrists hurt today cause I had to hold the dog while dad clipped his nails. Toto hates people cutting his nails, but it needed to be done. He came really close to biting the hell out of my arm, I felt his spit and hot breath on it, I wanted to scream it was so scary, but I held on tight to him, and tried not to choke him and I petted him and told him it was okay. I put him down and he was so angry he was walking on his tippy toes, his eyes were as big as saucers, perfectly round and nutty looking.

He was completely angry with me and dad. He wouldn't have anything to do with us for a while, then he suddenly was like OH OK it's okay and my punishment was to hold him like a baby.

He loves when I do that, I used to hold him like that when he was a baby, but now he's a bit heavy to hold which is why my wrist hurts. Mom says I have mommy arms cause toto just falls right asleep as soon as I cradle him on his back in my arms.

My lil' baby!! He's so sweet sometimes, I'll miss him whenever I leave, if I ever fuckin' leave that is.

Arf.

Anyway, as for WW, I've been thinkin a lot about it. And golly ned am trying to get back on it, I cleaned out my candy in my drawer and stuck it on my desk, knowing in a matter of days it'll all be gone. WHICH IS FINE. I kept my mary jane peanut butter nips in my desk cause they aren't to bad pt. wise and I do like to suck on em'

So that was positivie. I had a lean cusine for dinner here for 7 pts. but did have candy ala I'm guessing 10 pts at least! YIKES that was more pts than my dinner, damn!

Lunch I had two tacos from my left overs of fajitas I had Friday. They are low fat shells and low fat cheese and low fat sour cream. It all tasted good. I'm gonna make my WW enchiladas tomorrow probably, they are SO good, I adore em' so much.

Oh well, my family is trying to get back on track my asshole uncle/aunt come up this week or next, I can't remember. Ug, that means cleaning and living like we're some tv family. Toto gets a bath (he hates baths too) and I'll have to fix up my bedroom.

Hum. I just want to get off my sugar highs, and want to try to stay away from white flour and crap. I mean I really DO like these Ww frozen meals, even Lean Cuisine was okay! So I'll have to do more cookin' now so I can keep on this, I just have to stay strong, stay on it even if I go over pts.

But hell with Halloween here, now is the bad time for dieters with Thanksgiving, Christmas, then Valentines Day, food, food, food.

I just keep wishing I'd get out of here by then, I know my sis was disappointed with the news last week of me not able to go for that job, I think we both thought I'd be movin' home soon. But alas' I'm still here with no money, and no personal freedom...and working here in hell still.

Yeah I should be happy people say!

Hooray, my life sucks ass, I never, ever thought I would end up like this.

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pet ramps