WELL BAD NEWS

That job I've been waiting for...the one at my old place...they just emailed and said they have to hire within the company and are not hiring anyone new.

Oh fucking THANKS FOR MAKING ME WAIT A MONTH.

So I'm upset, very upset, I feel like crying, I'm at work and I'm trying to be UPBEAT and feel HOPE, but I just feel instant unconcentrated DEPRESSION seeping into my skin.

I think WELL I DID apply to that competitor paper, but they haven't called, they have my resume...and now I feel cracking sounds of all these dreams I've made up for this job, how I'd move back home and do this and that, and begin how I want to live my life.

But now, I'm back where I was ... back to this fucking shit hole I thought I was FREE OF.

So I'm angry, upset, feeling hopeless, feeling like a major loser.

I know that other company won't call. I know I'm just going to have to be here until GOD KNOWS WHEN, work my ass off nuthin'.

Yet this isn't the first time I've been let down, I'm thinking easy come, easy go, but maybe easy go, never comes....

Fuck this sucks ass.

OH well on my fucking diet, I've used 11 pts so far today, I'm going to lunch with my parents and possibly I might drown my sorrow in pancakes and syrup or maybe hamburger or maybe cole slaw and a hot dog.

I just hate my life, it feels like I never, ever get what I want anymore. I wanted a job, now I have one, but now I want to move on and I just feel like I'm not GOOD ENOUGH for these places, even entry level places do not seem to want to hire me, what's going on?? I don't understand what I'm lacking.

My mom said "well it wasn't meant to be." I wanted to slam the phone down, now they are taking me out to lunch so we all can discuss this and make me feel like a COMPLETE failure and then try to make me feel HOPEFUL that someday I'll leave this HELL.

If anything, I feel more bitter now, this broken woman, empty girl who gets her life sucked out of her here. I'll be fucking 30 by the time I get out of this shit hell hole.

I guess I should've known what type of day it was, I got up alright, and felt as if it was going to be a good day, but I recall last night, looking out the window, I could see in the air, the weather, something not good was here. Yeah I had a GLORY TIME a few weeks ago where everything seemed to be falling into place, but now, I think that period is over and now I feel the darkness rising.

Ug.

Of course, my bad day started as I came into work and my hair had completely come undone. I stood in the bathroom mirror at work trying to fix my updo' and feeling like my hair hasn't grown out since it was chopped off by that bad stylist. It didn't seem to want to go, and the girl in the bathroom with me said it looked nice when it really didn't....

I guess I should get used to disappointment, fake comments, and false hope...I suppose that's life, but it hurts at the same time to see everyone else getting what they want, new jobs, getting to where they want to be, and then there is me, who has been struggling for the past two years to get the hell out of here, with no relief in site, no helping hands, just my own over worked hands, and a poisoned resume that no one seems to want to even grace a call or interview on.

It's so unfair. I am not in the mood today to be cuttled and stroked and told everything is alright, because it's not and hasn't been for a long time and no one is offering to help it, so don't bother to try and fix it.

�

pet ramps