GOOD NEWS: My NOTES are fixed!! So yeah, folks can leave me notes now cause I was to lazy to fix it until now!!

WHOOPIE. Not that I think anyone reads this or anything.

OKAY SO today was long and spent all day at the auction. It's so tiring there sometimes. I read my new Chuck Palaniuk book, DIARY, there and really am getting into it. At first I didn't really like it, but now it's getting good. But still I'm having reservations about it, but I'm still willing to see how it all turns out!!

I really should read more, but I just can't seem to pay attention and just zoom through the book skipping, skimming and quick quick quick. That's wrong, I know. I think I have a touch of adult ADD. I have a VERY hard time paying attention.

Anyway, I'm mailing out my cuckoo clock Monday to get fixed, I'm a bit aprehensive doing this, but hell it REALLY needs it. The guy will be like...what the fuck is this. It's 45 dollars, so that isn't too bad I guess considering I paid like $100 for my other clock?

I pulled out this old violin my dad took from my grandparents house. It's a russian violin made by this Riba man, I found some on ebay selling for $500, one for $1,000. It's from the late 1800's/early 1900's. What is so unique about it, is the edges are curved. I like it, but the sound post has fallen, it needs a new bridge and strings. PLUS, it was worked on by someone who didn't know what they were doing, so the seams are glued together by this ugly gray putty and the scroll/peg box, holy SHIT this guy used the same gray putty on! It's horrid. I don't know if they can even fix it, but it's a pretty little violin, that maybe if they can help it out, I will use it sometimes?

Shit I have THREE violins now. lol But I never use my cheap ass one, and will sell it someday or give it to my sisters school or something.

I'm also getting back on WW. I mean today I wore these jeans that used to be loose and now are tight in the tummy area. fuck. I know I've gained and I looked at my legs and they too have new fat growth. My mom say this is all in my head, but I know I've gained. So Monday is a new day. I'm going to try to lose 28 lbs, since that's 10 percent of myself gone ... ala how WW prescribes your first weight loss to be. I'm at 280 now, YES 280!! OMG! That's my red light, warning, you need to LOSE weight sign. I got on yesterday morning and it was 281, today was 281.5!!! I was like I must STOP this weight climb.

So MONDAY is the magical day, although tomorrow I'm going to eat wiser as a pre-test. I also want to drink more water, that is another goal of mine.

Exercise is waiting until Oct. Sorry but paying $40 for only two weeks at the gym? NO sorry.

I'm trying to save money and am happy that I've $500 in my account now - although this lasts me until Oct. 5, then I get paid again, but that check goes to my car. Still, I'm doing just okay. My sister is coming up next weekend and want to go shopping, sooo....I know I want to buy new shoes, but I dont' know. I'm going to hit payless, NOT famous footwear who charges to much...but I'm okay with the shoes I have now. Maybe I'll snag a *shock* kmart or meijers or target pair of shoes.

I'm going to continue living like I have no money (well I don't really) for a while now. I want to clear the ol' credit card, that is my first goal, then want to have $1,000 saved in my savings and NOT touch that...those are my goals.

I've been spending LESS on clothing. I mean I bought some ebay lane bryant pants and sweater ... but that's for winter. And I don't think $5 really as a massive expensive, but I don't foresee myself buying any other articles of clothing. The only thing I want now is just a nice black sweater. Other than this, I think my winter/fall wardrobe is just fine and filled already.

I hate wondering if my visa is okay, I got that fucked up letter like I"m over drawn when I wasn't. What's up with that? I want to kinda charge something to SEE if my card is suspended. But like I said, that WW, kit, well I haven't heard anything, so it must've charged okay...hum???!? I'll guess I'll see in OCTOBER. But I really dont' think it was suspended since I wasn't over the limit! hello! Assholes.

I'm also emailing those folks to see how the ol' JOB is going and I don't know if I want to know at this point cause I'll DIE if they are like "well we decided to not interview you," or some shit like that. OK must be positive. My mind makes up scenes that say they already hired someone...or they changed their minds...

Ooh God no please...I've come this far, just let me reach my goal..please...just this once??!!

I swear people at work kind of know, for a while, when I got the email from that lady I felt like I had the job. Like it was mine, like undoubtedly, this is IT. The sign, the beginning of the end type of deal.

But now two weeks later, I feel scared, nervous, and desperate to know what's going on, and at the same time happy with this unknowningness since it's neutral. Well kind of...I suppose. I just feel like I do when I send out a resume to a place I think I have an excellent chance at,then waiting and waiting and hearing nothing.

That's what this feels like.

And who can relate? My parents try to be hopeful, but somehow maybe they're feeling my stress/pressure on this and maybe they feel sorry for me...ug, let's not go there.

SO Monday should be defining. Maybe she'll say "wait till the end of this week" or maybe she'll say...we've decided to go in a different direction. Or thanks for your interest...or hey I was just about to call you for an interview (drool).

Regardless, the only thing I can do is wait, and let me tell you, I'm well versed on the waiting game, I've been doing it all my life.

STILL.

I want to take the Barbara Streisand approach like in Funny Girl II (yeah I'm a loser, but this always pops in my head at my times of despair and strength) ... this very quote ...

Easy come, easy go

Great words to live by in my opinion. It says don't let it get to you, ala it comes so easy, so let it go so easily. If only I could be true to them.

�

pet ramps