I just deleted my diary entry cause I didn't like it. I hate when I do that, I write and bitch and say stuff that won't really help me out.

It's always better to do stuff then by saying it over and over again.

My boss came over by me just a few moments ago and I nearly flipped over my mouse trying to hide this screen. He sat down cause I think something is bothering him. I dont' like that cause I feel like it's ME that has done something wrong. Maybe this is guilt from applying at that job. Or paranoia.

Er. I ate bad for lunch, dad has jury duty all week and then possibly until Wednesday, so I'm gonna invite him here to stay since he has an hour for lunch and really NO WHERE to go, which I hate since you can't go home since that takes to long.

There goes our plans on going up to Traverse City! Damn, I really wanted to look for a clearance business suit...or new shoes. I don't need much, I'm pretty much set for the upcoming winter although I'm bidding on a sweater and pants on ebay, for like $5 each. I refuse to use my credit card until it's cleared now. I put $100 on it last week, so I believe it's at 4 something. I just worry that when WW bills it, it will deny it. But I haven't heard anything, so I'm guessing it's okay.

But I get paid this Firday (YES) and this is the last check of the month, so I gotta save and not spend. I've been livin like a hermit this week alone with packing up my lunch and trying not to waste my gas and stuff. I'm really trying to save now, I just want to get my visa paid off lickity split. But next month will be hard, so I really must lay off in my spending because I don't get paid until Oct. 3, then car payment time! It sucks cause in Oct. I'll owe for violin and exercise so that's already $70 out of my pocket, maybe I won't go if I do get this interview. No sense in paying for a months worth unless I GO for that month.

I know don't count your chickens before they hatch...easy come...easy go.

Ok, so my horoscope disappointed me cause er... it said MONDAY/TUES would be a time for new jobs and nuthin' is going on. I'm going to email that job lady and ask how it's going on Friday. Hopefully she'll have some answers, my biggest worry is that they decided to NOT interview me and didn't bother on telling me. (This one did at that place did that to me before....)

So I think maybe that's why I've been eating/feeling lazy/stressed anymore. It's like my life is suddenly up in the air, like will I get this job? Interview? Anything? Will I have to pick up and move?

I just don't feel like exercising and already I didn't go last night cause I had to much work to do, today I don't feel like going, but I'm going anyway. So I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm very happy cause I just got a cool fucking rug hooking kit on ebay. I also bought a cheapy, but VERY nice off of there too, so no more kits for me until I'm done with what I have! Anyway, I spent $70 for this very large half circle rug that comes with the wool and directions. It's a beautiful rug already! It's called the bachelor's bouquet or something like that. It has pansies and a black background, and done in the fine shading type hooking. I fucking already love it.

I also started the little one I just received. It's hard cause the wool is old and some of it unravels or breaks cause it's VERY thin and very delicate. So I'm learning to hook with it being so fragile. Once it's hooked, it's okay. The only thing I wonder on it cutting the wool, it's SO thin I don't think I'll use my rotary blade, but use scissors. It's like 1/4 inch!! So thin! I really wish I had a cutter now, I will probably ask for that for the next holiday. Because I'm guessing it'll be VERY hard to cut them that thin. It didn't come with the background wool, so I'll have to get that myself and I think maybe I'll try to buy it pre-cut, though I think I'll be paying more, but...oh well. I'm doing that in normal primitative size I think.

*Sigh* I really like rug hooking, but this kit is pissing me off cause it's so delicate!! Yikes!! I'll finish it cause it's just the size of a table runner and if I work on it dilligently I can get it pretty well finished off by the time I get the new kit (ee!) Then I can start the newest kit while I wait for my wool order to come in!! perfecto.

Oh well, I know I'm a loser lol

I just realized how I feel now about my life --I feel disconnected somehow cause I just feel like I'm waiting for a star to fall and who knows when it'll happen and I'm ambious and eager beyond belief.

Ok this could also be pms.

I'm thinking of re-doing my hair/makeup scheme. Today I wore eyeliner and smokey grey eyeshadow, and then wore my hair in a up-twisty, pooofffyyy type business look. It's weriod, but I'm tired of wearing pony tails since my hair is still growing out! I swear it's taking FOREVER for it to grow out, granted it's now past my shoulders, but it needs another two inches to get to where it was. At least with the length I can do really snazzy updo's it's to short to even bother it now. Which sucks!!

So I should be working, it's 1:30 ad I have like 15 pages to do for this bridal section, and er...I just don't feel like working.

What is wrong with me!?! Don't feel like working, don't feel like exercising or eating right, don't feel like being with my parents ... I'm being self destructive I guess. Or maybe I'm in a funk cause I'm so wound up and uptight about this job! I worry that they won't call for an interview or it'll fall through, God I wish she'd call either way, just for peace of mind.

Ow, my headddd.

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