My horoscope says that tomorrow my achievement potential is quite high but not through any lucky breaks.

"In fact," it reads, "you might have to knock down a few doors to gain entry into the big time."

So that's a nice feeling, though it's just a horoscope, but it did make me think none-the-less about how my life isn't about "lucky breaks," but more about how I've had to work. Yes, I may make it look easy, or appear as if I'm "lucky" but there hasn't been a time that I haven't worked my ass off to get what I got.

This leads me to think of Pookie. He sent me his cover letter, and sorry, but it was God-awful. I told him that he sounded like "hi I just graduated." It was tactless to say the least, and I said I'd help him write a new one cause it was bad, though I didn't say this.

But I feel like okay I'll help him, and maybe he'll get a job, but will he then throw that in my face? He loves to do things like that (although he hasn't told the truth about anything that has been better than me...) but still he has some competition going on with me, and I don't understand why. We're a team, we're friends, not enemies, not in the same realm, there is no competition.

Though, I always say, I've already won because I work very hard, and I don't fuck around. hehe

But I will help him merely because that's what I do, I help people even when they treat me like shit. I think it has to do with my chinese horoscope, I will take something and make it huge and do everything I can for it, until I'm totally coiled around it and sufficating it...so that it's mine. I'm very possessive and if you cannot tell I have a jealous streaks within me that I always have to battle.

So Yeah, maybe I'm dumb for helping him, maybe not. Who knows, I really wish he would appreciate this and listen to me and not want to be battle me all the time when I'm just trying to help, yeah he's 3 years younger than me, but guess what I graduated and have been in the work force longer, have written more and am a writer with practice and now years of experience in this field. He doesn't see this, he just wants to be my equal when it comes to careers, and I'm sorry he cannot ... we're not even in the same arena.

Today I went to a photo op for this school. It's weriod how lately everyone seems to know me and I never remember or seem to know them though I act as if I do.

They always say such kind kind things to me about my writing. It's so nice to hear this all the time, when I usually feel like I don't write well. My boss really really through me into a loop when I first got here making me feel like I couldn't write well. But the public seems to think I write very good, and that really means a lot to me that people take the time to read my writing.

Anyway, I was shooting pictures and being "social" and I overheard these teenages who were there talking...so I hear, "look there's the newspaper ... that reporter."

I stop and wait for the punchline, that fatty, that pig.

The one girl says, "wow she's pretty."

I'm utterly shocked. I've never been called that by anyone. But considering I'm wearing one of my outfits that says hey looky me, I was happy to hear this comment.

It's funny to be recognized by your clothing and how you carry yourself ... people always say, "you must be the reporter...." and I always want to say, "how did you know?"

Or I get, I recognize you by your picture...but granted my picture doesn't really run unless I write a column or a feature, but then it's about the size of a penny.

So it's strange, my parents were introduced at this luncheon (I didnt attend) as Jennifer Berg's parents. Then they are in like Flynn because of me working here, and it's fucked up to think they can get in these local "social circles" because of me.... I mean really, it's fucked up, bias! They asked my parents why I don't have a column of my own.

It's so fucked up so many people actually read my shit, my columns where I think no one probably reads them.

I don't know, maybe this is what "celebrity" feels like on a very very small level. I just don't like these strangers, who know me, and I don't even know their names and they are saying stuff to me like I know what they are talking about...I want to say "we've met before??"

One today talked about a story I did in copemish...I've never wrote a story in copemish.

One said he knew I wanted to be a photographer...I've never wanted to be a photographer.

But I just smile and be happy, delightful Jenny.

It's my job.

So anyway my WW isn't doing so well. I haven't been keeping pts, and my excuse is I've been so busy!

I do think I DID lose because my pants seem to fit differently in the waist/ass area. I think I lost in my hips or butt because my jeans yesterday were falling below my waist, I mean these are normal jeans, but happend to turn into those low cut ones because of em' falling! lol

Oh well I guess I should take measurements to see. I just need to get back onto WW.

Okay headache is here, I need to get home. I dont' know why but I've been really hungry lately, but have been trying to eat only the GOOD healthy things as I see per WW. Like my 2 pt popcorn, or fruit or just a glass of milk does it sometimes.

Oh well, hm. I feel GOOD anymore, I just feel like my time is here, and God please don't let this just be a false thing. I'm depending on this job at my old place to much, way to much, as if I have it already. My instincts tell me I have an interview, that I have this job ... but my mind says, you don't have anything, no interview or job so to speak of just a nice email saying "we'll contact you."

I wonder about Rockford, I'm still a bit upset on that, holding out on it like some fucked up lover.*Sigh*

I also just requested my college transcripts from Purdue Layfette because I was researching about getting my masters should I get the old job back. If I don't have a 4.0 or 3.0, I'll be on probabation of sorts...I really hope I won't have to do this, but...I know my grades weren't exactly great..I know I received MANY, C's...you know?

I just don't want to have to start out like that...but I guess I won't have a choice, I do know once I do go back, I will get A's and B's, cause I want to graduate with honors and wear the cords. Something great like that, it's ...I believe, 10? courses I need to get it...or 12 or something like that.

I also was figuring about if I give my two weeks here, I have 4 days for vacation left!!!

So I'd be ha-ha-happy with that little break!! Though I wonder if I'll cry when I leave ...??

I already feel shakey about this possible leaving, I mean staring over, learning all new....at least I'd have a familiar home and my sister....still...

I just hope I don't cry

I redid my old webpage yesterday

http://members.aol.com/yentl22/index.html

I have to redo my ol' weight one too, well soon. It was nice to just put everything in one area and update it all, I used to do it on disk, which took to long, and didn't off up any space! Ee. ;)

Okay I'm going home.

�

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