I just deleted my diary cause I didn't like how it sounded. I hate when I just blab on and on - which I guess is what a diary is for, but I like em' short and sweet instead of boring and long and ... damn I'm doing it again.

Oh well in a surprise move this morning, I lost 4 pounds. Not sure how, but I got on the scale and it said 276, which is down from my horrid 279 - then last week *gasp* I got on the scale at the gym and it said 282!

I lost cause I think my bloating went away and I don't feel like I just skin covered jello.

Anyway, I tried on my new bathing suit for the water park I'm going to in about a weeks time - I'm a bit nervous. You know the "am I going to be the fattest on there? Will kids make fun of me?" Type thoughts.

My new suit it a short-ini where it's two pieces but the bottom is shorts, the top is a tank top like set up. It's nice, a bit to big on to for me - why do they think fat folks have huge boobs? Christ the top of the suit is SO large on me that the straps fall down!

Yikes.

So ma is going to sew the bra section in so fit my poor little guys will feel some dignity.

See they have this water tree at the water park and it dumps all this water on you - I can imagine looking down to see the top of my suit under my boobs. I think I'd die if that happend.

I just can't wait to go swimming I haven't been swimming in a LONG long LONG time. I mean like maybe two years?!

I talked to the parents today about when we go to Dizney in Jan/Feb. I can't wait. I know we all go there a lot, but still it's just so friggin fun. I found a job to apply for there, but I don't think I'll apply since it doesn't require a college degree! I can IMAGINE the pay for that type of job ... $20,000 ...25? No thanks! Maybe 30,000 ...hhehe but would I want to go back??

But going for vacation sounds awfully nice, just to walk around and go swimming, going to all those nice restaurants and then relaxing and just having plain fun... is alright with me. I just hope I don't have to pay alot ...especially if I'm still working here! Fuck me I'll be broke as all HELL. Like I am this month because of car payments. God damn will I ever be out of debt? I know I'm not in a lot of debt, but still, I hate this fucking car bill when I don't make enough already - if I had to pay for an apartment and my car I couldn't w/ my salary. Now isn't that just sad.

So anyway it's still storming like mad here! Tomorrow is my HELL day. If I get through it, that will be something. I'll be working 9 a.m. until probably 10:30-11 p.m. I told my boss I want THURS. off because of tomorrow. I hope it goes by fast, I'm thinking of skipping exercise because I don't know how stressed/ tired I'll be. Then again, I might go merely because Tues. kickboxing has been canceled since the teacher will be out of town.

Hm. I'll have to see I suppose. I'm still mildly upset about my vacation and the possiblity of having two sections due - the one will be easy the other might be hard since I have no copy for it, no pictures and I think 6 pages to fill, a cover to create!? Sooo....who knows?

I bought some clothes - I know I said I wouldnt' anymore, but gosh darn it, I found some gorgeous things at newport-news.com which is a knock off off spiegel ... wow, such nice things. I bought $122 worth! I know I know...I bought this edwardian velvet jacket $50 (it's so fucking COOL); a victorian like silk top and this neat chinos/bells. I hope they fit, the jacket only came in size 20 - so I figured I'm a bit smaller on top then bottom (I can wear some size 20 tops) I just had to have it. I kept thinking of this dumb ass festival here where we always have to take part in - and this year I kinda wanna go as a victorian girl. I love to dress up, last year they said I could wear a REAL victorian dress from the museum, but that's a bit scary to wear something 100 years old, I'd probably rip the thing.

Oh well, I'm having a hot flash right now for some odd reason.

Pooks called me a few moments ago and I'm happy that his supposed JOB people didn't tell him of that email since they never emailed me back ... so I know I shouldn't have done that. Sorry! That was bad of me...but I do realize now I shouldn't have played reporter, fact checker...it's none of my business. Sorry Pooks...really....I know you've lied but ... I dunno I go to far sometimes to find out things and end up getting stung in the end, so this is my lucky lesson since I didn't get caught and I think of it now and feel bad - even though I KNOW he lied to me.

I know he has no job, I realize I sent him two job postings that day and maybe he feels shitty cause he doesn't have a job... and maybe lied because he called and just wanted to feel good?

I don't know his motives.

But we'll see I guess in Sept. when he supposedly starts, as I know of NO job that waits more than a month to hire you or interviews you three times and then tells you to wait ... or a job that pays that much for someone w/ no experience.... it doesn't add up, so if it looks like a duck ... acts like a duck...you know.

I have a hard time believing that.

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pet ramps