Today is that kind of day you think is Monday, until someone says...UH Jen, it's Tuesday! Yikes

Well it's about 3 - and it's just sunny out and nice out and uh I'm in work looking out the window thinking, what am I doing here?

My boss called in sick today and tomorrow. Which sucks, meaning I have to fucking paginated pages 1, 2 and 4.

Tomorrow I work night desk, so that means I'll be doing the whole friggin paper with NO help! I don't think that's fair, but I guess there's nothing I can but keep on truckin'

I sent in that resume for that job in Des Plaines - I feel mediocre on it, I just feel like another dime, another dozen ... another resume sent off to the wolves. Poor thing, and God my poor clippings, my clippings are dwindling because I've sent out so many resumes! Yikes I'll have to start diggin' in the piles and steal some older papers.

It's funny to look back what I've saved, some things it was like GOD I remember when I did that. Lord, or things I wrote on. I guess you could say I've grown a lot since then.

Regardless, I have kick boxing tonight, and my head hurts like mad for some reason. I didn't bring my lunch so went to the market got a turkey roll up thingy with dill sauce - and some orange juice and also bought sugar free mint patties (I LOVE these) and bought some fig newtons - but the cherry/cheesecake kind ate a few of em' and left them in the breakroom for everyone to have because I know I'll eat them all if they stay in my drawer here by my desk!

I'm excited about my sister coming up for that week in August! I'm like I want to go shopping and just do NOTHING. She's coming up the week of the 11th cause of Ma's birthday - we're going to that water park/lodge on the 13th and staying till the 14th. I'm so excited for some reason, I guess this mini vacation is what I'm looking foward too!

I think I'll take off that following Sunday as well - just have a whole friggin week off! whoo hoo....

I just keep wishing, and wishing that I could get a new job, I mean I know this is a major theme in my life but at home I think about, at night I do, in the day I do, I'm at work looking through the net for jobs. I mean come on already. I heard on TV the "tide is turning" and the economy is making a turn around, but I haven't seen anything, nothing, changing in my job outlook. I mean really there are less jobs there there was before summer.

So I'm hoping, wishing, one of these times something comes through, I feel very hopeless right now because I apply for jobs that I think I'm qualified for and get no call, no interview nothing. It hurts the ego.

It's like I wish someone would/could tell me when it's my time to be the smiling girl in the office who knows that her time there is only 2 more weeks then gone back home where they plow and where people are nicing and work hours are set instead of me working overtime and not getting paid for it.

I'm tired of this life. Sometimes I just wonder how much more I can be here without feeling like a forgotten soul.

OK my head is pounding, maybe exercise tonight will be better my mood, my outlook. I feel like I'm falling a bit off track with dieting, but sometimes I just don't care.

I think we all get in these mood of not caring only later to beat up yourself.

I just feel some unspoken pressure from my parents, maybe disappointment that I'm still there in their retirement years where they wanted to relax instead of there fucked up daughter who always has a new crisis on hand, or dragging them into her world of strange schedules, or mood swings, or work problems.

It's like they must be thinking we have one daughter gone, maybe this one will get the hint, stop living off of our purse strings.

Ugh, I could make myself cry right now. I'm feeling pretty just darn sad anymore. Makes me wonder what God is planning for me, or else I'm that piece of paper that slipped behind the desk...or something in that mannerism.

I'm tired of 'sooner or later' I want now. I want my mom to stop saying "I know they are going to hit you and then you'll have the pick of the market.'

That's a lie.

�

pet ramps