I'm getting to be like I used to be - I just cannot sleep anymore.

Maybe I'm getting old, but I was wide awake at 1:30, and went to bed and I don't think I fell asleep until 2. Then woke up at 6:30 a.m. and was awake as all hell.

So anyway, I had one of those mornings where you just cannot find something you want to wear. I wanted to be comfortable and tried on at least five different things on my quest for comfort.

So I opted for a pair of black pants that are too big for me, and a white t-shirt/dress shirt. And flip flops lol.

Comfy yet chic.

I did up my hair, it looks just okay, just kinda curly and frizzy and fluffy. I did my eye make-up dark, lips pale, so I look a bit gothic. Muh hhahha.

Anyway, I feel fat today. I hate feeling that way. I bought ding dongs at the store when I gassed up my car and now I feel like a 'ding dong' for eating em'.

I think this is called "PMS" because my period is acting up, and I have major bloating - yes major bloating. My stomach hurts and feels like it could POP if a pin was stuck in it.

I was doing alright with eating too - but tonight I'm going to exercise - so that'll nip it in the bud. I feel hot/heat flashes already so today I will sweat nicely and feel that oil slick on my forehead wash into my eyes and then have mascara all over my face. A picture of beauty I will be... with a tiny sumo wrestle bun of my short hair on the top of my head and a beet red face.

OH I found a job to apply for, it's for...assistant editor at this magazine company in Des Plaines (northwest of Chicago) - they ask for 1 to 2 years experience - bingo. Journalism experience, quark experience.

Jackpot?

I wouldn't mind moving out there, I think it's by O'Hare or so said my dad. That's fineeee I say, cause anywhere but here is fine with me.

I watched this girl in court today crying, she was diagonosed with depression one - which I think I have sometimes. It's lack of self worth, feeling under appreciated and low self esteem.

I was like wow, I feel like that a lot lol.

But today in court we had 'the criers' where these girls just sobbed on the stand claiming they'd never be there again, yet it was their third or fourth offence, I wondered if they had done the same thing last time they were in court.

Regardless, I felt a tinge of sadness for the one girl, she seemed like she was sincere, but hey do the crime. Do the time there chicky mama.

Oh well, God I hope this period from HELL ends soon - I mean you act like you don't 'expect' to have your period each month.

Like it's some big suprise, like you don't know what's gonna happen.

I just hate the mood changes, cause God damn sometimes I'm happy Jen, then angry, hateful, etc. Jen.

My parents seem 'afraid' of me sometimes of what I might say cause I do get pretty raw and rude sometimes when I'm in a mood and if they tease me. Yeah they like to tease me about shit that I'm sensitive to and press my buttons just so they can get me pissed off and just so then they can say "you're always in such a bad mood."

Yeah I need to move out.

I was looking through the 'aol personals' just on a whim - I was bored - and looked in a nearby town - found none.

Then looked for the Chicago area and hoochie mama I found a few dudes I would email if only I lived there!! Can you say HOT DAMN? This one man was very very fine, I kept thinking man if only, I was definately email that one. lol Ah the ol' meat market...gotta love it.

It's funny I only look for the college educated, nothing less than that. No 'some college' fuck that.

I always feel like that girlfriend to men who are educated, on their way in their career - like the pre-made man who you have to shape only a bit. Ooh yeah. And then you both have the money to do the things you want instead of always staying home on Fridays or tickets to concerts were the stars look like ants.

I'm snobby I know. But it's a trait in my family - if you're going to get something, only get the best. That's from my mom - and her side. Biggest and BEST, that's how it's always been.

But it seems I usually attract older men. I don't know why that is, maybe to gloat to their friends they got a 'young one' like 40-year-old who probably thinks he's the cock of the walk.

No.

Kiss my ass you freaky religious man. - Ala' don't use religion as an excuse for your narrow mindedness, bias, biggot, ways!

Oh well, so that is Jenny's plan, she's made up her mind. Move out - perferably in the Chicago area, find a man or date around, have fun ... and go from there.

Yes that is where I want to begin my life. On my own. I can't do this here with the parents, can't do it living with my sister because I just don't have the freedom.

I just need to get on my own, yet be close enough to family. That's what I want, the only thing I need now is to A. find a job and b. save money up.

So that job I'm applying for sounds reasonably very good to me, and I am actually QUALIFIED for it. Though, they want my salary history, and guess what, my past TWO jobs have been below $20,000 and my current job pays me $21,000 or something like that.

How does that look to an employer? I just am worried they think they could pay me like $25 or some small amount and get away with it.

No, I want at least $30, even $35 if I could get that...but $25, no. $30 is shaky, talk about penny pinching. I could ask for $35 I guess lol.

If only I get the interview. I have sent out so many resumes lately I can't keep track. I could apply for this job in Washington D.C. but I'm kinda afraid about that if I were to move there, I've never even been there.

Oh well the title of my life is 'If I get the interview' I swear!

�

pet ramps