Christ I feel fat.

I really do. I was doing okay - see it all started Friday. I had to work, and uh had to get my hair cut (yeah the trim). SO ma called and asked me to order a pizza....

So Friday was a pizza. Saturday was a hot dog, two cookies, grilled cheese, piece of cake, baked beans...potato salad.

Sunday, today, was a chicken sandwich, fries and regular coke. A few butterscotch hard candies.

Me- feeling fat. Me - weighed and found I gained fucking 2 pounds. Me - mildly upset, but feeling bloated for some reason. But mainly just feeling fat, bloated, back-achy.

Mom- telling me that 'looks like you've lost weight.'

Me-bullshit.

Oh well.

I booked a room in Traverse City at this Wolf Lodge water park hotel ala' disneyish like. Over priced, yeah that's what I mean.

The room is $180 for a single queen bed! I tried to pay w/ my credit card, but whoops my credit card has only $124 available.

So I told the parents my card didn't work (it's always had problems not working even when there was enough $ on it) so they bought that and gave me their credit card.

SO I used there, wrote ma a check for half the room and $100 to transfer to my credit card cause I lost my bill.

So ma put all of it on my credit card! Whoopie, I love when my parents do that, I mean I hate that they always give me money and stuff like I can't take care of myself, but lately I'm in a money crunch. The odd, yes very odd, thing is, I have very very much curbed my spending.

I mean I dont' buy shit anymore.

But last month was hard because I had my car payment - 365 - violin 30 gym 40 ... and then I bought some clothing at $111...then more.

So I mean I was scrapping the barrel, and now I'm still scrapping this barrel because I have another car payment coming, had to pay on my visa and then violin/gym once again!

Damn!

So I planned to skimp on spending, and just not use my credit card anymore - no more CLOTHES.

I know I sound nuts.

I figured when my sister comes up for that second week in August, we'll go shopping in Traverse - go to that hotel and go swimming. (I just bought a new bathing suit for this!)

And I won't buy clothing unless it's a "I HAVE TO HAVE THIS" type. You know those shirts you see that is just to DIE for. Yeah I knowwwww......

Other than this, everything is peachy. I'm thinking about hitting Atkins quite hard for the next two weeks! I mean if I'll be in a suit, at a fucking water park - yikes! I'm going to try to hit all my exercise classes this week - next two weeks too.

I can do it.

Anyway, okay my TRIMMED hair is pissing me off. I almost cried today I was so upset with it. I mean I slept in rollers, I slept without rollers, today I washed it and blow dried it.

Same ol' same ol' it looks bad, I just hate it.

I finally screamed outloud (scaring my mom and the dog) I HATE MY HAIR.

Then I teared up.

Then I blowed dried it STRAIGHT.

and it looked just okay, though I don't know what to do tomorrow because I don't want to have to get up early everyday to fucking do my HAIR. Not like the old times with a pony tail or clip, 5 min hair.

Now it's 20 minutes of slight teasing, then scrunching, blow drying, hair spraying, then tearing up as I think I HATE MY FUCKING HAIR.

Life sucks sometimes.

I think I'll scream again that I'm tired of my mom saying 'it looks like you've lost weight' when I know I haven't.

It irks me. Don't lie to make me feel better because right now.

I feel fat.

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pet ramps