Well it's kind of offical I'm back on a diet!

I just bid on THREE, yes three DNKY outfits on ebay, two XL items and a size 14 dress.

I know a size 14 - fuck I can't even imagine getting into it, but it was so cute - fuck it, I thought I will WORK to get in that dress!!

Plus I hope it runs big or something.

But I think an XL is do-able. I think that's like a 16/18??

I can do that at least, but a 14 does make me kind of wonder, I just cannot imagine myself that tiny but if I do win that big, fuck to hell with it, I will lose like made just to wear that outfit!

LOL Some people's goals for losing weight is to be healthy, some is to look better ... mine would be getting in a fucking skirt???!

That sounds "Jenny-ish" since my motives for things are always fucked up. I don't know what happend to me, but that's how it's always been.

Regardless, so far I had ... 2 scrambled eggs, and two sausage patties and a glass of O.J.

I know the O.J. isn't good for me, but I wanted to finish off that bottle - which I did. I'm having Ma buy some stuff at the store so I can make low-carb stuff. I mean granted I know if we have fruit in the house, I will have some, I mean fruit is fruit, and it's been than me flipping out for sugar.

Which I did last night, I got SO hungry that it wasn't even funny. I've been trying to do Atkins well - but sometimes lordy be I get ravenous - even after I just ate! I'm taking these hard-candied life-savers to work and am going to just give them out because they contain sugar, something I cannot have.

My goal is to drink more water - and definately NOT cheat - I know I will have times where I'll have a break, but it won't be a crazy break. Like when my sister comes up or pooks, I mean I know I'll go off a bit, but not go nuts.

MY main, 100 percent goal is to HIT the fuckinG gym hard. I'm talking three days a week like olden times.

Monday through Wednesday - gym and Friday I should incorporate something, even walking or swimming, but something exercisey.

I know I can do it and I think a year out of my life isn't to much to ask for. I kind of like this 3 month challenge thing, I mean just to SEE what changes I can do for three months isn't that bad when it comes down to just a few weeks - you know how these months fly.

I know if I do cheat I have to get back up.

I know I must make it clear to my boss that I MUST go to these exercise classes, they are what saves me. I just need to stand up to myself I guess.

But I just see all these clothes I have, and see how I just feel and look fat anymore and some of them I keep saying "I'll wear that when I lose more," and the thing is, I'm not losing!

So to hell with that, I'm back in control.

No more - I will will myself to this way of life, and mentally slap myself whenever I want to dig into a box of cookies.

*Phew* Okay enough about that, I have to go to work in like a half hour. I really don't want to go because I've come to hate working Sundays. Really I have. I'm tired of having Friday and Saturday off ... I'd rather Sat. and Sun. off. I'm thinking about asking the ol' boss if maybe I can work every other Sunday and switch on and off with the other paginator. I just simply hate Sundays!

I'm also thinking about applying for a job in New York City - it's a reporter/researcher position with the ol' Dizzy company, the ol' mouse.

It sounds really cool, it's with the abc fam. channel.

I dunno.

The other job is back in orlando, back at Dizzy world and is a resarch specialist. That one doesn't require a degree, which I'm thinking uh no....

I dunno. Moving to New York City? Fuck, could you imagine that, talk about not knowing where you are, thinking about apartments, moving, finding my way around, could you imagin the diary entries on here?

I doubt I'd even get an interview, but still, yikes!

I guess maybe I shouldn't jump into things so deep like this when nothing has even happend. That's just a quark I have I guess ... another one of the many!

So anyway I feel a bit empowered now by my recent weight loss goals, I'm wanting to hit 250 within these 3 months. Really, somewhere by there at least. I'm at 27* something now, 275 maybe - but I do have water weight/pms so maybe I'm 272 on normal days.

I know when I start exercising like mad again, I'll probably gain that muscle weight - which SUCKS, but I think I'll survive. I was going to start lifting weights at home since I remember my old weight lifting class routine (that class is canceled until Aug/sept.)

I just want to get back to feeling good and looking good and me oh my all those comments I was getting "how much have you lost? Wow!" "Jen you're looking good ... what are you doing?"

I really miss those. Yeah, I guess you could say I must be superficial, maybe arrogant...selfish? I just want to look good because then I feel good and my confidence shoots up high. Not to mention my wardrobe is gonna be filled soon with "one day" clothing, I already have three "one day" outfits in sizes 18/20 ...

Hm...so by October I could lose 30 lbs...so ... hmm 272 ... then 242 (gulp) and I'm guessing I would drop maybe a size and a half ... maybe be in a 20/22? Ooh ahhh says the crowd.

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