Well it's a Saturday night and it feels more like it's a Friday night.

Silly me though, I worked all day Friday, which is my day off.

Saturday I went into the office cause my boss and boss part 2 said 'you had all ads in the weekly paper wrong except one.'

I went in, measured them all, checked the dummy finding THEY are the wrong ones, tell my boss who.

Says.

"OH. I'll get with the girl who told us they were wrong Monday."

Thanks, so much for ruining my weekend, making me work on my day off then accuss me of not doing my job correctly, not checking the facts before you came to me ... and well, being assholes without thinking.

Other than this, I'm fairly happy today.

My parents and I went to an auction where I bought a piece of crockery someone made - it's beautiful - and I got it for $5. Then got these two hand painted pictures in water color in this art deco-y style for ONE DOLLAR for two pictures! EE!

Then, my best buy.

I got a cuckoo clock for $10!! I've always wanted one...it's in okay condition, things like the wires inside need to be replaced, as the bellows and cuckoo. A mouse was living in the clock, but still it has a rustic, homey, interesting appeal to it. I can't wait to get it all cleaned up and Dad to fix it again.

It's beautiful.

So. Have I wrote on my violin? The one being fixed, I think I have. I hope to get it Thursday, I miss it, though I never play it, but I feel it's missing and I don't like it.

I watched Adaption tonight and The Recruit - also saw the Pianist and some other movie this weekend.

I liked in Adaption where the one guy says something like it's not what loves you that defines you, it's who you love...something like that.

Then the guy talked of a time in his life when he told his girl he loved her, and she laughed at him.

The other character asked how come he was so happy after he found out she laughed at him...he said 'that was her problem ..."

That part struck me ... I guess you'd have to see that part of the film to get the meaning, but wow...I liked it.

It was the only cool part of the movie.

It made me think because that guy was like me, shy, never said things and reacted when he should've.

Was always waiting for someone to come find him and love him.

hm.

Is that my theme in life?

I don't know, sometimes I feel like that man. Like - pookie for instance. He's one of my bestest friends, I love him like a brother, I feel like maybe I should care for him dearly maybe because no one else really does - unconditionally, I don't care what he is...he's always pookie to me.

Yet.

I don't know how he feels about me, maybe he doesn't care and maybe he does. I guess all that matters to me, is that I care...or maybe I should realize, that caring shouldn't be something that requires something in return, just the feeling is justification enough....

Hm.

To deep for me tonight to think on.

All I know is I'm sitting here typing this with my head leaning to the left because my right ear has ear drops in it and I don't want them to pour out of my ear.

My aching ear.

I'm deaf in one ear - well have been for the past two weeks at least due to allergies or something.

So I've been using some of ma's ear drops from when she was sick.

They hurt going in, really badly, I lay there ready to cry and hold it back as my body tenses up completely like I'm getting shocked.

She yells at me.

So my ear feels like it's on fire and I'm feeling sickly especially today - thank god my period is ending.

I could tell I'm not feeling well, it's funny how my eyes tell it all and my skin turns pale and my eyes look weary and dark.

I don't feel well.

I'll survive, I'm contemplating taking Tuesday off this week, maybe Wednesday.

Thurs. we're supposed to have a free day or something.

I dunno - I hate not knowing.

I got my sister stuff for her scrap booking (crap booking) and I hope she likes the junk I got her.

She said she's cleaned out my room - my life is contained in boxes in the basement - under the stairs.

My bed has been taken down.

My room being painted.

I keep thinking ... that's not home anymore, all of my personal things are...well moved, and gone and things I put and placed in MY room are no longer there, it's not my room anymore...not my home anymore.

Makes me sad.

Makes me want to say, am I even welcomed home anymore.

I feel sad because I don't know what's to become of me.

I don't feel right even going there now, like I owe a nights rent for going there or eating her food or using the water.

And then I wonder where I will go when I get my new job, I mean, should I even plan on moving back home now...what's to become of meee I cry!

I guess I will see whenever I get another job, which I will continue for because I make to little here, and treated shitty (read at top).

I just hope whereever I go, I will find some kind of happiness.

Living here I feel cared for, but I know when I go out on my own I will have to do it all on my own once again, no more 'babying.' Which I guess is scary at the same time liberating.

What is so fucked up is at work the other day people were talking about virgins.

I froze and kept working feeling like I was blushing.

They said "what are their even any of those anymore?" Someone said "yeah but they are squares"

And everyone laughed.

Except me.

Who kept on her business.

The 26 year old virgin, whom everyone thinks is 'experienced' in the art of fucking.

This 26 year old girl who's blushing, which makes me smile whenever she blushes and they give her that silly grin which she hates.

And maybe sometimes.

Just sometimes.

She hates herself.

�

pet ramps