Well today was nice, I got up early and went shopping!

Woo hoo.

Yes more clothes, my mom said I can't buy anymore clothes cause I have too many and I said, is there such a thing?

So I bought a pair of lined capris with knit sweater = $40.

Went to Marshall Fields, who was having BIG major sale, got suit jacket (was $94, I got it for $18 dollars!, and three tops - all equally nice ala' Marshall Fields cost was $104 until Dad gave coupon, with totaled to be $88 dollars!

WOO HOO.

Very good buys if I do say so myself.

What have I learned today? I must, need to, have to, lose weight again. I'm talking at least 10 pounds. Just to fit in some of the new clothes I just bought ... well actually the parents footed the bill, gotta love parents.

So I agree, I should stop buying clothes unless they are just to damn cute and on sale - ala 80 percent off! But yeah, I will curb that spending.

I also took in my old violin - the one my grandpa had forever, it's all banged up and my violin teacher put the sound post back in, which he didn't put in right - so I'm paying $8 to have that reset, and then, get this $25 bucks to have a new bridge made for it since the bridge now is really fucked up!

Wow!

Plus I asked for the guy to look at the pegs since they are *really* loose!!!

So that'll be a pretty penny to pay whenever I get it back, they said it gets sent out Monday to a repair shop in Lansing, then will be back the following Monday - whereas, I don't know when I can pick it up, as I would love to go w/ the parents to pick it up cause it's like a child to me and I already feel uncomfortable that it's no long in my possession!

I'm guessing, gran wants to give me her violin soon - she told Dad to tell her when she gets near the end cause she has things she wants to give out. Ala violin, ala' she told me that maybe she'll give me her old thing.

Okay!

I would adore this, as it's hers and I so appreciate and love that aspect of my grandparents, from me learning how to play the violin, I feel so much closer to them, even though grandpa is gone, I feel somehow he's come back to life in the fingers as they hold down the strings ... bow and feel like closing my eyes and swaying whenever I play and feel like he's there helping me.

So.

Anyhoo. Things seem to be 'happy' right now in my life, though it changes like the wind.

I did NOT get that job I interviewed for in Chicago. I asked the guy who interviewed me and he said they are looking at someone else, BUT they will continue to help me find a job.

Yeah right.

I wanted to say, sir I do not want to be a secretary.

Yet, I just applied for that type of job in Chicago once again!

Funny how things turn out.

I am also sending a resume to a new newspaper who needs a designer/editor for their paper.

So I suppose that is hope in a certain form.

But I feel anymore that maybe now is a time of 'waiting' as the jobs are not as flush as they used to be for me. Now that I am a year and a half in the 'market' I've only to wait and soon I will boast 'almost two years' type.

I just hope it comes quickly as I just feel my life is going towards a positive goal.

There are so many things that I want to change in.

Weight is number one priority anymore.

I promised myself to begin taking all of my exercise classes from now on, I have been to aerobics in two weeks, not since my teacher saw me buying fucking donuts after I skipped his class, I felt like such a fat ass.

But I am very much liking kickboxing, so that's good to me.

I also want to learn how to do primitive rug hooking - I went and took a picture of these ladies who do that with wool and burlap and these rugs were beautiful. I kept thinking, hey I could do that!

So I'm going to buy myself a kit.

I also want to take a stained glass class they have offered now and then here, so we'll see.

I still feel like my future is completely shakey, I try to stablize it with these little things, but anymore I just feel that any day, any month it could radically change in the form of a job interview, and then decisions, and moving plans, rent plans, money problems and replacing my license plates will all come at me all at once.

I will have to rebuild my life once more, and I know it probably won't be a easy, clean transition, as nothing ever seems to be in my life anymore.

But I feel positive today, feel like I can lose this weight and feel that maybe waiting and being in 'limbo' is where I want to be for a little while, possibly a month, just to give my busy brain and heart a rest instead of constant job seeking.

Don't get me wrong, I will continue to look weekly for jobs, but maybe not stress as much, go to work and not be as crazy as I am sometimes.

I have a huge court case coming and I want to take the following month in strides and laid back manner.

We'll see, as I said, my life seems to have ups and downs and sudden problems and emotions that arise.

I hope it's a calming period, just for a while before the storm, that I feel is coming, hits.

I hate these preminitions I get sometimes, now it calm, but what is on the horizon is what scares me deeply.

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pet ramps