I'm majorly procrastinating doing this special section (20 pages) all in one day.

I'm not sure why I've been at work about a half hour now and have checked my email, played around with loading a new image to my online portfolio ... and then lazily opening up the quark document to begin.

I'm all set to go, but I'm still lagging. I was going to take this rug hooking class - not yarn hooking - wool hooking like they did in the 1800's .... but they run at funky times when I'm working, so that's a very very unfortunately no go for me. I really wanted to do it, so it's like hello that sucks. The classes are 9 to 4 Monday through Thursday and then 9 to 1 on Friday for a week.

I guess I could take them, but that would throw off my already shakey schedule that is fucked up majorly.

Monday I'd have to ... ooh...yuck, work like 4 to 11, no...fuck this lol.

I'm not doing that. I'll buy a kit or something because there's no way I could do this. That sucks!

Oh well, I'm sure there will be other classes.

Anyway, I got in this morning and a co-worker apologized - see yesterday I paginated his page wonderfully, and I was so excited about it and I went over to his desk and put it on it and said 'look!'

He was talking to someone else and brushed me and my page off, so I picked it up and gave it to the other paginator for proofing and walked away.

I didn't think much on it, just he was busy, but okay, whatever. So today he said he thought about it after he'd done it and felt bad and didn't mean to brush me off.

I said, no it's okay, I understand.

Yeah. Now that I think of it....hehehh...absoluetly NONE of the reporters ever give me feedback when I do up their pages so so nice and wonderful.

I've only gotten it once from a reporter and it makes me a bit mad, though I cannot recall ever thanking a paginator whenever I reported....

So I can't complain to loudly.

My mom said I lost weight in my hips/ass. I'm thinking 'kick boxing' though I know I have to start my other classes up again since I've lagged off. I've been doing Atkins/low carb off and on this week. I did okay this week, but am having a salad for lunch today.

Am going to Kmart to see if my Tomb Raider game is in too!! Whoo hooo.

Um.

I did bad in violin, I don't know what's wrong with me, I was the 'screw up' last night, I was so upset with myself, I wanted to tell everyone sorry like sorry I didn't practice except for 10 minutes ... sorry I'm not as good as I was before.

Sorry I somehow cannot hold the violin right anymore or bow correctly.

I don't know why I'm doing this. I did make some cool squeaks and squills by trying to go so fast from D to A string and vice versa.

But overall, I mean, I just felt bad because I'm not longer the 'top' student, I'm more like the second or even third.

My parents yell at me because they say I could be SO good if I only practiced.

I said well screw it, I'll do that 10 minutes a day! I told my parents to yell at me to practice, so today I think when I get home I will go in my room and practice 10 minutes.

I mean I have to do something because I'm losing my technique because I'm not used to playing anymore, not like the times when I first began and I was playing and playing - one night alone I practiced 5 HOURS. I loved it, but I guess now we're in the 'hard stuff' and learning things that are annoying ala' slurs ... ala 3 beat notes, four beat ties ... arpeggio's.

So it's more like no about the 'songs' it's more about learning how to read all those funky marks.

Thankfully we're learning the G-string next week. I've practiced a lot with that whenever I picked up my violin before - ala 'London Bridge is Falling Down' is played mostly on the G and D strings.

But, that will be what I'll practice on tonight...and hopefully I'll get used to playing it again.

Hm. Oh well, I'm going to Traverse City tomorrow with the parents, Marshall Fields is having a sale, and I'm itching for a new business suit. Though my mom says I have to many clothes already - but fuck that, you can never have enough, I circulate mine very well and yes I do have pieces I haven't worn, but I know my closet is probably small compaired to most people. My parents think one good outfit is enough, my mom thinks two pairs of dress pants and two nice shirts is enough for working.

Um no.

Sorry, but I've never been able to dress the way I wanted to because of lack of moola. Now it's like a hobby of mine to find beautiful clothing, I am a snob in that sense, I have a certain taste and style and won't go beneath this ... no cheap ass clothes here, ala Kmart, wash once and that's it.

I also bought a lot of shoes lately, on sale of course, this one pair is COOL as hell, it's 1940's style, gorgeous pair of shoes! I got them for $35 on clearance. I adore them, but they are so high, they are my 'when I get skinny and wear a black dress' shoes.

Anyway, someone commented about my skin again 'it's so peaches and cream' they say.

I want to say, you know I have bad skin.

I have pms acne and then if something rubs on my skin I get a blemish - ala anywhere on my body.

In my 'teen' years I had acne on my legs and arms which have left dark scars, that are just now beginning to fade slightly.

So yes, look at my face, arms and legs that are showing from beneath my clothing yes so pretty, so fair and just so soft! But if you were to look at the naked Jen, you wouldn't say I have 'beautiful' skin.

It's anything BUT that. Not to mention I have rashes and shit...

No, I do not have friendly skin whatsoever.

I always hoped to go to a dermatologist whenever I get 'thin' to make get some cream or something for my scars, but hm.

I aim to wear a sleeveless top this summer, so I hope my scars won't show as I sun tan and that helps cover up red areas (I have FAIR skin, nearly translucent) it's horrible, I wish I had that skin that tans easily. So I'm opting to use the sun and self tanner and also a lotion that tans you (but rinses off) to do this feat with!

No, I will not let my skin get the better of me I say! I'm tired of 'wishing' about wearing no sleeved shirts, or embarassed at the beach. No more. Not to mention my arms are getting shaply thanks to exercise.

I refuse to hide them anymore.

Oh well, I smell dog piss by my desk again, that fucking woman's dog! That's soo nice to stay here and smell piss all day long.

Okay now I've wasted an hour of fucking around...:)

Oh well I did put the dates on the pages, that's something isn't it??

Lunch is almost here too...damn. Procrastination sucks!

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pet ramps