It's a beautiful day, wow, sun is out slight breeze, about 74 degrees.

I moved more of my stuff in my bedroom to downstairs, talk about grueling work. Not that the boxes are heavy but taking them from upstairs down two flights of stairs about 20 times wears you out very quick. It was good exercise though, my legs feel funky.

The good thing was I found my old art portfolio, it's funny to see some of the things I'd drawn from elementery to high school. Some of the things look a bit enraged, I kept saying, "boy the art teacher should've called Mom and Dad on this one." lol

It's nice to see that I did have talent, I mean to me when I draw I think it looks pretty bad, but now I look at some of the things and I see my style.

Some of the things are amazingly good, like I did this? Wow.

I found old old stuff, from high school, I found things that I didn't remember I had.

I moved all my Gene Dolls downstairs - 25 boxes, that are about 18 inches tall and take up A LOT of room.

I also brought down more boxes of beanies and dolls when I went through my collector's phase.

I mean the dolls I have, Jesus! I mean JESUS! I felt like - spoiled, whatever I want, I get or got.

I have the whole barbie collection of My Fair Lady.

I have all the dolls from the Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Mulan, Beauty and Beast ... Hunchback of Notre Dame...

God.

I still have a few boxes of dolls left in my closet, then I don't know what else is in there, it's filled up to my waist still.

Yes, my waist I don't know how I got it all in there, but it was bad, still is bad, but before it was to the ceiling. I think I could work for UPS for how I stuffed it all in there.

So now, I have a lot of things gone from my room, my room looks OPEN and airy now, it has a slight echo in it, and it's strange to see, you can actually walk into my room and not bump into shit or have shit fall.

It's nice.

Though I didn't want to work so much in my room, I'm glad I did, although our basement is filled with myself and my sisters shit from our rooms and it's scary to know more is going down there, where will it all go?

I keep thinking, how did I accumilate this much shit??

Then I feel like I wish I could get rid of it, but then I think, damn my dolls, how would I even begin, my beanies? Wow. I'll just store em' I guess.

I suppose whenever I do move out, I will not take all those dolls and beanies with me, I guess when I get married I'll take them, whenever that is.

Then give them to my kids.

What an eerie thought.

Me married, me with kids? I somehow don't see this, but always say 'someday' who knows...I sure don't.

Okay, anyway, I've eaten pretty bad the fast few days, but I guess I'm doing better with all this hauling.

Hm.

I found two packs of cigarettes in my room when I used to puff away with pooks or Vic, but I don't even want one cigarette anymore because I always wheeze after I smoke. No thanks.

Pooks has ashma and smokes like a chimmney, I don't understand that. Dumbass.

Hm. Okay. I cleaned up the house a bit, and put things away, am making cookies today because I'm bored. I'm going shopping tonight w/ my sister and I probably shouldn't because I have little money. I am going to start saving since the parents are fucking acting all like I have $2000 on my credit card and bills coming out my ass.

I don't.

My visa limit is $600, and though it is maxed out now (I think it is, or is $500) I am doing okay.

But I will save now that they are there, I mean I don't want to hear them bitching about my spending, I think I used ebay a lot to combat my loneliness somehow.

I'll stop that, and will actually save now.

Hmm, I kept thinking, what the fuck am I going to do if I do get another interview in Chicago? I feel so strange that I was there and had a chance for such a job. It's nice still to be considered for it, even though I just have that feeling I won't even get a return call. We will see won't we...I found some other jobs to apply for, so that's good. Now I have a bit of motivation, a bit of arrogance as if I will get interviews now everywhere.

I can dream can't I? :)

So regardless, I'm in a good positive mood today, happy Jen. But tomorrow will be sad Jen when I drive home and to work and then to the parents. Then to my bedroom and my clothing and more of my things.

I'm happier here in Indiana, I can see this, can't you? But I will continue to work my fingers off and work and be nice and a fake happy Jen and wait like a hidden lioness shadows, waiting for that moment to pounce.

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pet ramps