Oh my fucking God ...

Sorry to use such strong language, but.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

YOU would NOT believe THE day I'M having.

Yes.

This is another Jenny diary that will make you say, 'what is wrong with her?'

So.

Remember the other day how I said 'I put south-haven man, old man, or 40 year old horny man on my ignore list?

I was thinking this morning, boy I'm happy I never get to see that guy again, never ever again.

Then *ring* 'Hi Jen this is *** (south haven man, 40-year old horney man) and guess what? I'll be in Manistee in about an hour to see you.

Me - *faint*

Me - OH! really...?

So what can I say, he's fucking HERE, and I'm like OH FUCK. I go to work to meet him and say 'oh I've loads to do, so sorry this will be such a bore to you.'

We go into work and I begin to do two pages, then the emergency scanner goes off, a fire is in progress in the town I live in - so I tell him 'I have to go to this fire, you can come if you want (thinking he'll say NO)'

He says. 'Sure'

Fuck.

We go to my town - I tell him to leave his car at my house (he already knows where I live) and we take my car to this fully engulfed house fire.

Fuck.

Afterwards, I say, 'what now?' I say, lets to go Lake Michigan - which is about 15 minutes from my house. I don't want him in my house - so we go there, and while going there I nearly run over a chipmunk, 'OH SHIT!' I cry out, 'did I hit him? Oh nooo!'

He puts his hand on my leg and squeezes.

I think, oh no, here we go.

We go to Lake Michigan, he snaps a shot of me, (I look so pretty) and we get back in my car that now is poisoned by this recent hand on leg thing.

I feel him leaning into me, he is getting off that we're so close.

I take him back to my house, to his car thinking, this will be his hint to leave.

He stands there.

I stand there.

It feels like two hours pass.

Want to meet Toto? I chirp, I let toto out and then say 'let's stay outside with toto.' Before this he flops on my couch and says look at my pictures I took with my camera, so I sit on my knees next to him, and the couch gives and I'm like on top of him. He's feeling hot now and flinches at this sudden movement, and I see a 'wow' in his eyes as I try to correct myself, my shirt - a low cut shirt - u-neck, allows a bit of cleavage to say hello. Fuck. I upright myself and try to play off my clumsiness and yank this coat I'm wearing over my new-found breasts.

We go outside.

I play with toto.

I wish he'd leave, he's looking at my body again, he's been doing it all day, it's like I can feel his eyes running over me. I feel tension building.

He sits on the swinging bench, and pats his hand next to him like I'm going to sit on his hand or something, I stand for a bit and finally sit at the other side of the bench.

That comment I made in my last diary entry comes to my head fuck me now and I'm feeling like I'm ready to throw up, I want to say, please just leave me alone.

I think of a dog in heat.

So we're sitting there and he puts his hand on my leg - he puts his arm around me, I say 'what are you doing?'

He says nothing.

He scoots next to me and pulls me tight to him, and then massages my neck and then my shoulder, then his hand just lays below my shoulder and he grabs my hand and holds it on my leg (he begins breathing heavy) and then his hand falls below my shoulder and he rubs that area - I think he's feeling my bra line - and I feel his hand go into that area below your arm pit that's nearing your boobs, I jam my arm down blocking this advance. This man is turned on once more, he's staring at me, that stare kiss.

He sighs. Removes his arm and rubs his eyes. Assssshole I think and smile despite this horrid situation.

In a way I liked 'teasing' him, though no part of me wants him to touch me in that way. Maybe it's the desire that someone wants you and you are dangling the cheese in front of the mouse then snatching it away, knowing it'll never get that cheese.... Maybe that's it. I guess that's human nature or enjoying that time where someone wants you and you have that choice of saying yes or no...but relishing that fact that someone wants you. He makes me feel like I'm some strange creature, like I'm some goddess that he wants a piece of, I guess I like that he makes me feel a bit normal, like I"m not some fat hideous monster that no one wants - I guess that's the thing that turns me on about this whole thing, knowing and see that people do want me for a relationship of sorts.

So then I get to thinking this could be my chance for some experimenting for experience with future relationships but I can't bring myself to it, I feel strange and can't bear to think of his lips on mine, I lick my lips as I'm thinking about this and look over to him, he's totally looking at me like I'm a juicy whore, fuck. I look away. naw...

We talk a bit and he holds my hand on my lap again and runs his finger over my fingers and I let go of his hand and cross my arms across my chest.

He puts his hand on my leg. I look down thinking damn that's really close to my crotch too close I brush his hand off and get up - and say are you leaving now?

We're walking to his car, he grabs my hand and I say "Well I hope you have a good trip back, hope you don't run into any fires" he says "well I could put out a fire here" and I laugh. He says "wishful thinking I guess."

I'm confused.

I laugh again and shake my head.

So I pick up the dog fast, I know what he wants before he leaves.

So he's close to me, and I'm looking at toto.

He's closer to me and I'm looking at toto.

He puts his hand on my hip under my coat.

I'm looking at toto.

I feel his hand rub my back/hip and my fucking SHIRT comes up.

I'm looking at toto and say something.

I feel his hand on my skin, his fingers move slightly rubbing.

I'm looking at toto, saying something ...

I feel his fingers bump on the top of my jeans and then, yes, the shocker ... I feel his fingers find the top of underwear. He's breathing hard again.

I take a step and his hand slips down to my ass, I look at him with horror.

"Look he says, toto won't let me kiss you goodbye." He takes off his sun glasses like I'm going to lock lips with him.

I look at toto with so much love for saving me.

Oh, I laugh.

He kisses my cheek, that hand is back where it was, searching for that underwear again but now in the middle of my back. I know he's turned on by touching my skin there - such a private area.

He steps back and my dogs paw falls into my shirt bringing it down for the world to see, "toad!" I yell. He laughs, eyes as big as saucers, "that's nice your dog gropes you" I wanted to say better him than you, or don't you wish it was you or something like that.

I step back, 'have a safe trip home,' I utter out.

I've been slightly molested, I wasn't quite sure how to react without hurting his feelings.

Still those words rang in my mind fuck me now and those words rang in his eyes, I saw them when I fell half way onto him. I saw those words when I was holding toto whose paw went down my shirt opening it up.

Again I imagine him so worked up over this 'encounter' that he'll go home and probably jack off in his fucking mother's bathroom.

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pet ramps