Where has this weekend gone?

I went to bed at 12:30 last night, I was so tired and also hot - it was actually HOT in our house! It's supposed to be 70 today, so I'm not sure what to wear to work as of yet.

I know for certain, that tomorrow I'll probably wear capri's since they don't like to turn off the heat in the office until JUNE.

Oh well, I started Atkins today, threw out the apples and hide these chocolate brownie things (there are only two anyway).

I had eggs with sausage for breakfast, just made tuna for lunch. I grated a bowl of cauliflower to make mock rice and am defrosting a piece of chicken for tonight.

I don't want to eat at work, but I think I'll take one of those protein shakes and drink that up and see how that tastes. I'm bringing string cheese w/ me too.

I also have my wasa bread, not exactly atkins, but very very low carb and very very good. I made my SF Jello shit too (well the cool whip has sugar in it, but no carbs ... I dunno).

So anyway, I feel weriod, but fuck I'm going to try really hard this time around and go to these message boards and write, keep track a lot of my goals, success, and if I fall off the wagon and why I did that.

I hold myself complete accountable for this whole thing.

I talked w/ Josh this morning and listend to my John Mayer cd and just felt nothing for Josh whatsoever except a resentment that I'm still talking to him. A piece of me wishes he'd just go away or realize how I don't like him and the thought of him near me just makes me cringe. Those starring eyes, they looked like a dead man's eyes, like some strange doll.

I know now I want a man who is nearer to my age - someone from 25-35 is alright. I'm tired of these drips.

I feel like that man who lost that 100 lbs, I want to lose to find better dates - I know that's probably shallow, but that's how it is. I'm sorry, if I was 100 lbs thinner, I'm sure I wouldn't be dating these drips who're 40 yrs old. I'm sure, so sure I'd feel better about myself and attract more.

That guy lost and now he has a girlfriend, what a sweet story. He wrote that he'd rather spend time with a girl than with a bag of doritos.

So I will get in that mind set. I would rather be thin and spend time having fun on dates than having fun with a DQ vanilla shake.

I will tell myself LOW CARB. Weight loss, think of those jeans I can't get into.

Not to mention, I haven't gotten any compliments lately and now I crave those as well, so I must begin to lose again, I will have to weigh myself tomorrow to see the damage and hopefully by the end of these two weeks I'll have lost those, I think four pounds I gained.

I don't remember what I weighed in at before, I think 276, I was at 272, something like that. My first mini goal is 250, then 225, then 200, then I don't know. I'll just be happy at 200! Hell 199.

Heh I'm a bit excited about this, I just want to do it this time and just follow the rules and when I'm bored go onto OWL and not fuck up this time, have a cheat now and then if I must.

Oh well I have to get ready for work, I'm going in at noon and will work until probably 10 or 10:30. My boss has been 'joking' that I don't work enough, ha, it makes me mad when he says this and I want to say, well what the fuck am I doing here today?

Okay:

So far today I've had two eggs, three sausage links, a few pieces of cauliflower, a spoon full of that SF jello mixture, two cubes of cheese and tuna salad for lunch.

Taking cheese, protein shake and Caff. Free D. pepsi to work ... maybe I should take some ham too so I don't get hungry.

I dunno.

Okay.

�

pet ramps