It's a ugly gray day, I woke up at 6 a.m. for no reason, I was wide awake! So I willed myself in and out of sleep and finally woke up at 8 something.

I was dreaming that someone took my computer's monitor and replaced it with one with a screen the size of a deck of cards. I was nearly in tears saying 'I can't work on this!' I kept thinking pagination on a small screen is like ... a cat barking.

So I woke up a bit panicked and angry. I was ready to quit in my dream, no one cared and just laughed it off.

I think it's a reflection that lately I just don't feel like I'm appreciated here and maybe taken a bit to much for granted.

My mom says, oh no, they appreciate you, but really I don't feel that way.

Yesterday my boss used my pages to show people how not to layout pages.... I was getting upset, and my boss tried to just laugh it off like it was nothing. He said 'It's not critizing, but critiquing' I wanted to say fuck that, it's critizing.

He then said, I'm going to use you as the...damn I can't think of the word.... I said 'scapegoat?' and he seemed angry.

Then that fucker young boy who works here, Matt, kept asking and jabbing at my pages like isn't that standalone heading to big, isn't mine right?

My boss was getting angry w/ him and I felt ganged up on and he told the boy to stop asking questions.

And I was being so nice to that boy lately because I felt like I was a bit to mean with him when I got promoted.

But now, I see, that my kindness has been repaid with this shittiness that I now see that maybe he thinks my kindness means 'walk all over me.'

So like the typical snake I am, I never forget and I await revenge. I'm sorry I never let things go until I've had my revenge, I can still remember when he fucked me over before.

So when I train him how to do the weekly paper, he will just have to see how his shittiness does not go unnoticed....

I can be very shitty when I am provoked or someone takes advantage of me like that, especially when I've been so kind and nice. I do not like to be walked on nor made fun of, and I have no qualms about showing people my own personal disapproval of their actions.

Just like my bosses day will come when he finds that all this recent 'let me make an example of you' shit comes down the line. Sorry, but, I may have a poker face in that meeting, but afterwards, I get into deep self doubt. I don't like that, and I think I deserve more respect.

I guess I'm just tired of it all.

I ate way to much again last night.

I mean damn, I was like ... celebrating because I'm going home.

This morning, I finished packing and took my sheets off my bed and the kitchen towels to wash at home. My mom said it's in the 80's at home! It's only been in the 40's here, so what a temp. change. I wore my cords with bead work/embrodery down the leg today with a knit shirt. This seems warm yet cool enough for when I get home.

I wore my cord jacket as well, I look like a fashion plate today lol. Different shades of brown and seemingly it matches my hair a bit and my makeup is done to perfection.

It's nice to feel that way sometimes. Not to mention I haven't worn these pants EVER. I bought them about two years ago and said I'd get into them one day, and look at me now. I remember trying them on before and they couldn't zip up and my legs looked like sausages in them. Now they fit perfectly, and make me appear slimmer because they fit me to a T.

That feels great to say the least.

So I feel happy about myself today, although this push up black bra I have on, makes me look a bit to 'busty' I mean they are pushed up to much...I'm not used to that either.

Oh well, I am waiting till noon to ask that dude in comp to put in templates for the shopper that I must paginate, I hope he does it w/o complaint, he doesn't have to do that much, I'd do it if I knew how to.

Oh well. I swear I packed all my nicest things for this trip because of Saturday, my best makeup, hair stuff (even though I'm wearing my fake-clip on hair), clothing and under things.

I like to show off and besides whatever happens there gets tossed about to the rest of the family.

I only pray pray pray to God that I don't go over dressed.

My sister and mom will be alright with daily wear things, but my outfit is a bit more ultra professional, it's something I'd wear to one of my court cases that goes on TV or important interviews.

I'm making everyone wear a piece of Grandma's jewelry.

When we were cleaning out the house, I picked through her numerous boxes of jewelry, even taking who bags of it. I left this dumpy carrying case of jewelry there after I had gone through it and took only the good stuff out, leaving nothing buy hippy beads and cheapy stuff, my aunt took the whole thing thinking she got it 'all'.

Little did she know that I got all the good stuff, and she only got the shit stuff.

She thinks she is sooo sly. And was almost saying ha ha ha you didn' t get shit.

Therefore, I want everyone to wear a piece of grandma's beautiful jewelry - most of it came grandpa's sister who was a whoopty dooo in Washington and was rich. So there are some really nice pieces in it.

But no, my aunt thinks she got it all. Bitch. I don't flaunt of what I took from grandma's. I only went for what meant something to me.

I found her jewelry and I've always loved jewelry, and never saw grandma's, when I found it, I was shocked. I took nearly all of it, and family photos and things of sentiment.

I would never flaunt or even speak of the 'looting' of grandma's house. But we all agreed, better us to have it than the auction house.

Oh well, that asshole BOY is asking my BOSS about my page again today, "This isn't right, is it?" I hear wafting across the room from his piggish mouth.

Assfuckinghole.

My boss is being a prick too, fuck. I need to leave.

I asked that dude to layout that section and he hasn't done it yet and is just yakkin' on the fucking phone to his snatch.

I wanted to leave early, but hell with all this SHIT going on so far, I'm suddenly in a bad mood.

I need a new job. Hopefully I can leave today sometime after lunch, maybe 2.

ARGH!!! I could be done already.

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pet ramps