I would've thought there would be 3 inches of snow on the ground this morning since last night it was snowing such huge, fat flakes I thought for sure I'd wake up and have to shovel.

But there was nothing this morning, everything was wet and mushy and my car felt humid inside.

Now the sun's out, but the wind is blowing fog off the Lake Michigan into the city, so the sun peeks in and out, it's still chilly out, but not that bad.

At least winter is over.

I went to Kmart today to buy Red Dragon and the soundtrack, dropping $35 bucks there. I cannot believe they already have plants set up outside as if it's been in the 70's lately.

I looked over them for a second while walking in, dreaming of some massive garden I could plant, but won't because my future is so shakey and I don't want to put in the time for such things if I'm going to be leaving.

I still haven't but in a resume to my old job, I probably will next Monday.

Or maybe on a whim just do it and send it before then.

I have a vast many things to do when I get back from my mini vacation this week.

My horoscope claims that I'll have a good two weeks, but I wonder on this.

Mom thinks I should email my boss on my raise, and I probably will. He's not in again today until late because of his father.

So I'm doing pages 2, 4 again. 2 is done and 4 is half way done. I'm going to begin page 2 for tomorrow and hopefully can also do page 4 because I do want to get out of here early tomorrow to go home.

My only thing is I have to paginate two pages of the Shopper and the guy who lays it out doesn't do it until late, maybe I can ask to have it done a bit early, but naturally I run into the fact sometime the column that goes in it isn't always here by 2.... Ugk.

But still, I go home and am off running Thursday and Friday and Saturday.

Come home Sunday, whoopie, mom and dad come up that following weekend, and then, the next weekend my dad has a week off.

Then May comes, then they come up to live in Michigan for good.

My freedom will have dwindled, so no more fantasies of having a boyfriend drop by at 2 a.m.

Heh heh

Oh well, yesterday and today odd things have happend.

Today the secretary asked me for the fourth time 'how much have you lost?' I said, I haven't lost much, but I've lost more in inches.

It's funny when I say "I haven't lost much" because people give me a 'yeah right' look, so I explain myself.

Then yesterday, this woman who eats lunch w/ me suddenly, who's someone who's thin, but could pose to use 5 lbs, was talking to me about eating low-carb.

She said, "I have this friend who was on Atkin's and lost 20 lbs so far ... but she's not like us she needs to lose like 140 pounds, so 20 lbs is like us having to just lose 5."

I kept thinking like us???

I've never been lumped into the 'like us' category before.

I don't consider myself 'normally fat' I lump my self into that girl who needs to lose 140 lbs category.

I also was a bit offended to hear her talk about that like someone, with a ting of disgust in her voice, maybe a arrogance that she only needs to lose 5 bls and this piggy needs to lose 140.

I was a bit shocked and didn't say much, I wanted to say, 'do you know I need to lose about 100 lbs?'

But I didn't.

I told my mom this who said that I don't look like I need to lose 100 lbs, but more like 10 lbs and I don't look fat, but normal.

I was like, no.

I mean yes I've lost weight, and I do notice how much I've lost I see it in the mirror as well as my clothes, but I also see I have ways to go before I get to the like us stage. I think maybe if I lose 3 more inches on my body, I will feel more 'normal.'

But anymore, my eating has been a bit out of control with easter candy and wonka candy, people giving me candy, my parents buying candy, and the like.

I seem to think that because I exercise and have lost, this gives me some type of free reign to eat whatever.

But like last night in my exercise class, I just kept thinking,'well this should burn off all that shitty candy I ate today.'

But I should be thinking that it's burning fat and that I'm happy that I don't eat badly.

I know I stress of this way to much, but still, it's just something that I have to constantly think on, if I don't then I'd be fooling myself.

I mean weight loss is something to think about the rest of my life, it's something that will never go away (unless I get extremely sick and am rail thin).

I guess now I know what does work for me and that's exercise. I really love my exercise classes, I feel bad when I don't go and they make me feel great to know I'm doing something good for my body that will ulitmately result in weight loss.

I just wish I could take 'eating classes' then I'd be set!

I always wonder if I have that 'fat gene' I always hear people talk on it.

I know my grandfather was overweight (only in his old age), but grandma wasn't. My other grandma and grandpa were both very skinny throughout life, though great grandma was a plus size woman.

My parents are both overweight. Though daddy has never been fat, just had a bit of a belly, but I consider him thin. Mom has battled with weight her whole life, she was a skinny kid, but after that, she's had a weight problem.

So I guess I'm pre-determined to be fat, though I hope I've enough of daddy's genes to help me out. Thank God I'm tall and also that I've medium bones instead of my sisters large boned frame.

I guess in that sense I'm more slight than she, I'm more 'boney' if you can call it that.

Hm.

I got a skirt from ebay yesterday and it fits, but I think my hips need to lose more.

It actually made my ass look good but the front is a different story.

If only my hips/tummy would just go away, I'd be alright.

I keep looking at my body for signs of more weight loss and I'm not to sure if I see it.

Yesterday, I thought I did because my exercise pants were way way to big, I had to roll the waist and still they were very big on me. I looked last night at my body to see stretch marks on my abs and stomach.

So hopefully this shit eating isn't hurting me to much, though I doubt it.

Oh well, tonight will be crazy, I go work out, then go home, water the plants, finish packing ... clean up a bit ... and do a lot of little things.

Then tomorrow will be even crazier as I go to court then do a lot of little things once again.

Then drive 4 hours home *gulp* hopefully not in the dark! I pray to GOD it goes smoothly tomorrow and my boss doesn't flip out when I say 'I'm leaving early'

if he's even here.

Oh well I'll have to work my charms to the max to pull this off without hitch. I just do not want to hit rush hour in this shit shit state.

�

pet ramps