Ugk I'm having a 'fat day' today. I got on the scale this morning to find 275, I nearly yelped in pain like a puppy.

I was at 272 and thought my gravy train was here where I'd see the light of a 269 or 268 today, but alas, my gravy train derailed and now I'm on some fat farm train to HELL.:)

I won't bawk to much since I've been eating pretty shitty lately, with candy, pizza and toooo many frozen 'meals' if you can call them that.

I just somehow lost connection with eating right and weight loss. Somehow my mind thinks that if I exercise I won't gain and will burn off these bad foods...this is wrong wrong WRONG thinking and very bad. It's stupid thinking, that's what it is.

My pants feel very snug today as well, and that's a damn shame since they are my Eddie Bauer 24's kakis...yuck I hate this feeling, maybe I'm bloated!?

My period has skipped like two months now, or maybe three months now, I can't remember when I had it last.

I do know my last one lasted probably a month (nothing heavy just neverending!) So maybe I'm going through the motions of PMS.

I still wonder on this and wonder if I'll have prob. having kids someday, though I'm no where near that point in my life.

Oh well I shouldn't think on these things, but basically concentrate on eating better, exercise is covered, but eating is a diff. story.

I'm getting a bit cranky today, I'm laying out the weekly newspaper and they have the typist doing the dummy for it, and it's all fucked up because there isn't enough room. Hello a fucking 48 inch story in three columns...maybe 30 inches? I don't think so. I ended up deleted half the story just to fit.

That pisses me off because it takes a lot of time to do, and gives you a headache because you're trying to figure it out, I have six pages left to do...God help me.

I don't like this women either for some reason....

I have a 3 o'clock manatory meeting that is supposed to last until 4 - and I worry that I won't make my class in time at 4:30, not to mention I have to paginate pages two and four...fuck! I do NOT want to have to drive back here to paginate! I'm already burnt out from over working (I worked on my day off, so I've worked, Sunday through Friday, had Sat. off, worked yesterday from 1:30 to 11:30 and now I'm back again).

I cannot wait to go home this week, I'm leaving Wed. around 2:30/3 depending on when I can get this stupid Shopper's thing done, I'll have to pester to get it done early. heh heh.

Oh well I just heard the horns go off, a boat is coming into port, I heard this last night too, it's strange to hear, boat horns instead of train horns.

Oddly enough, I adore hearing the train horns. It reminds me of home, I could live by tracks and it wouldn't bother me, it's soothinggg!

Oh well, it's sunny out today, but it did snow last night and I overheard someone say we are going to get 1 to 3 inches tonight! Then tomorrow will be 55 degrees. I can't understand how it snows in this non-freezing weather.

I fucking hate hate hate snow, I pray to get out of here before winter comes again, I'm thinking...hell...if I work here until say November (God Forbid!) then that is a year and 9 months! Nearly two years, which is something all these jobs ask for...two years experience.

I remember a time when only a years experience was something I was striving for....

But I know, it's very very hard to find jobs in news design now, fuck reporting, I'd rather be do design, it's funner and you get paid more and work usually your own set hours.

I would so love to be a special sections coordinator as I am here, or a mix by doing some other area of the paper, it's just neat to research, find and layout fun things for people to read and be wow'ed at your design skills.

So, I am happy with where I am at, I didn't think I would like to paginate, but in fact, I like it more than reporting, it's more stable and something that everyone tells me that I do great at, there are nearly no complaints, so ... here is my life's goal.

Hm, oh well, I'm still feeling fatty and just went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and saw what I've lost and what I've yet to lose. I have a fat ass now that I'm losing in my hip area and back, it's strange. My parents tell me I look exactly like my sister now, but we've always known this, everyone always says we look alike, but I think because of our high high HIGH cheek bones. And maybe face shape, but my nose is more flat and her's more pointy, my eyes green, hers dark brown...I wear glasses too..I think her lips are thicker too.

I don't know, I look like a kid as she looks like an adult.

My mom says I look soft, and fragile, very feminine, manicured... my sister is kind of boyish. hehhheh

But I guess since my face has lost weight, it's more boney now, which makes me look like a kid, I don't mind, but it's strange to see this, not to mention my eyes look bigger and my nose straighter.

I'm going to have to sign up for a pilates class on Saturdays. It runs only until May, but it sounds like something kind of fun, plus I wouldn't mind the extra exercise as well it's 'pilates/toning' so that sounds like fun....hehe. Hope it doesn't cost to much.

Oh well, I am kinda eager about getting a job back home, because I know the gyms at home don't stop like up here, I mean there are classes everywhere, and run all the time.

So that's something to think on. I'm sure I could find a violin teacher, one on one no doubt, and hopefully not that expensive. I saw one before that charged $15 for a half hour! Geez, maybe I should just go live with grandma and she could teach me for free, no doubt and I'd be better off with her 70 plus years of playing!

Oh well, I'm no where near home as of yet. I actually feel a bit afraid when I get my new job, it's like starting all over again, having that nervousness of if you're doing alright and things like that.

I'll survive and will be all the more happier, I hope, because I'll be home and I can say I'll probaby have more dating prospects than I do here! Especially if I work near or in Chicago. Woo hoo.

Oh well I'm content for right now, I'm eating a snack sized box of Nerds, Blue Rainbow flavor...mm.

I should get back to work, I've three pages to paginate, then I have to either paginate pages 2, 4 or write a story. Hm.

I hate being this busy and not know if I'm going to make it on time to my exercise class tonight because we have a manatory meeting, or Wed. when I go home, if I will be able to leave as early as I'd like.

Oh hum.

Not to mention, I was thinking last night about the month of April, and fuck I have SO many bills to pay already, gym, violin, car payments. Damn it! I paid $200 on visa last night. So my next check will just all go to bills, car $360, violin $30, gym $40 .... my check is 575 or something like that. Sooo I'll have about oh what $100 or less left of that check lol.

Lord. I have to stop spending and saving money, we're planning a trip to Disney in July, fly down fri. leave sun. So that's $250 airfare, room will be at least $100 to 150 --- tickets ... $100?

I really need to ask for my raise, but it's hard since my bosses father is dying and I dont' think he needs me saying I need a raise or else ... well not really or else, because 'or else' is coming whenever I get my new job.

I got a thing to begin my 401K and I can't start it because I can't afford to have money taken out of my check, I mean fuck $20,000 a year is NOTHING, it's fucking bullshit for all the overtime and things I do, my raise had better be something like $25 ... shit I'd be better off working for Kmart.

Grrr....oh well I'm hungry, I'd better get going!

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pet ramps