It's a sunny day today, though cool, I didn't wear a jacket. I wore a 'funeral' outfit because I thought I was going to one today for a co-worker who lost his mother.

I didn't make it, I found out that I missed it by an hour, I told my mom (who consequently has been a real bitch and mean to me lately) and she flipped out that how could I miss it?

I said...well I don't know him all that well, it's a family thing... My mom proceeded to flip out and say that it 'looks' bad and I look rude and cold.

So I walked down to Hallmark and got a card and sent if off even though it's a few days late, better late than never.

I also bought Jelly Bellies (I don't know why) and I bought some 50 percent off fake lillies of the valley for my cousin's towel cake we're making for her wedding.

The lillies are beautiful, it's a fake bunch and it's really thick. Normally I hate fake flowers, but these were so pretty not to mention 50 percent off, I got two bunches for $12 bucks. That's a lot to pay for fake flowers, but still it was just to pretty to pass up.

Oh well I'm currently awaiting to finish up the Church section ... aw fuck I work this Friday, I just realized. Holy smokes.

Just kill me.

I have to finish up this FUCKING GL TRAVELER thing, it's due Friday, but tomorrow I'll just get it all together, I got the worst one done - the biggest county.

They can kiss my ass if they think I have to much or to little considering I have no help and my boss is being a complete asshole to me lately. I was asking today for a extention on this since they are still advertising it in the paper which means the dummy is not even made yet!

So, anyway, I have the woman's stinky smoker breath in my nose still. It seems like a porta potty and she makes me ill...I'll talk about her later....

My mom yells at me because I call her the 'fat lady' because she is a very large woman who smokes and makes fun of her self about being fat, doesn't try to lose and is simply a pig.

I'm sorry to say these things, but it's true.

She gives us fatties a bad bad name.

I, myself, today am wearing a size 22 pants. They are wool lined and oddly enough the waist fits perfectly, but the tummy part doesn't fit, it's quite tight. Like damn!! My 24's of the same type of pants are to big.

I wish they made 23's because I'm not a 22 and I'm not a 24.

I have a pair of Eddie Bauer 22 jeans and the waist is alright, but I can't zip them up.

Damn.

My mom was like, 'well get into them' as if's so easy and I can snap my fingers.

I've been eating sugar like a fly lately. I mean why in the HELL did I buy those Jelly Bellies? And that bag of Branch's candy in my drawer?

I told myself only three pieces a day, but then I find myself munching on these jelly beans, now I have one of those sugar sores in my mouth.

Damn.

Well serves me right. For lunch I had a Healthy Choice meal with two chicken strips and mac'n cheese. It wasn't great, but it did fill me up.

So anyway, I keep wondering if I should go back on Atkins and then go onto what they call OWL - where you have carbs but not as much.

Like do the two weeks of induction, then go on OWL.

But I told my mom I'm just SO tired of eating like that, so maybe I will figure something out.

I think maybe I should cut my sugar intake as well as carb intake, but not be restricted to a diet of any sort.

I know I eat way way to much sugar.

Last night I had a croissant pocket (pepperoni and cheese) 4 poppers, and two bowls of cereal.

Now that is riduculous to eat that much.

Before a simple bowl of soup filled me up.

Now I'm going nuts, I will have to drink more water at night or something because this type of eating is unacceptable.

Why is it so hard to eat right...? At my class last night this older woman, bigger woman who doesn't try in this circuit training class was bragging how she just had that stomach stapling surgery.

I wanted to laugh at her, she has so much pride on this, and personally she could've lost it on her own if she would've tried. She went in weighing 300 lbs...I wanted to say lady, I weighed MORE than 300 when I started, and I worked my way down to 272 without having surgery.

It's called exercise honey and what you're doing, just the bare minimum (she skips the aerobics section) is completely lazy and wrong.

People piss me off like that.

I have a class tonight with that drill instructor, nut who acts like I'm some old fat bitch who hasn't exercised in years.

He made me feel like screaming because I've been working out so hard and then to have him instantly judge me that I'm some lard ball was just offending to me.

He doesn't give a good work out, he goes TO FAST and is confusing.

I wanted to cry last time I was just so confused and frustrated and had to keep telling myself that this was my first time with this teacher.

But alas, I will continue to go back because I don't want to give up for two weeks - my teacher will be back then.

But seeing as I have until 5 to turn in this special section and the fat lady called and okay just one of them, I pray she doesn't just stand there slacking her jaws with someone because I need to leave here by 5, 5:10 by the latest to get to class. I told her, I MUST have this stuff by 5, so she has an hour and a half to finish up or I'll send it w/out her corrections.

Oh well, I really don't know why my boss has been so mean to me lately, his attitude towards me sucks.

I mean it's like what the hell is your problem, I can't believe he got mad because I asked for a extention on this, he didn't even call to ask if I could have one and I know I probably could have one.

It's like, you wonder why I want a new job?

Oh fuck, I still have to write my resume for that features job.

*grumble*

I've been buying to much again lately, I bought Benefit cosmetics - $60 and then yesterday bought this sweater from LL. Bean that I've been wanting for a long time - $50 and then bought a cool purse off eBay for $40.

I know when I go home I will again go shopping so there goes my credit card, lord I think it might be maxed out.

Oh geezzz why must I spend money like this unconsciously. I can't wait to get my tax return, I think I get $450 back, or something like that.

I found some cool brand new capri's on ebay too ... again, do I do 22 or 24? Aw, I love ebay.

That will go towards the July Disney weekend trip - we're flying out on Fri, and coming back Sunday for a quickie trip. My friend wants to just go to the water parks...aaa! Me in a swim suit.

*groan*

Oh well, my is calling on my phone, damn, I hope that lady gets back here soon I do not want to miss my class.

I have to practice violin tonight, I told myself last class to begin practicing 10 mins a day, but I haven't practiced since that last class...I need to start practicing more.

I just keep doing only okay anymore and it's like damn I should be doing better than this.

But I've been so busy and stressed violin just isn't a top priority.

Hm.

Oh well, let's see I work this Friday, and am off next Thursday.

I cannot wait.

Oh joy joy joy joy. Though I know I have more sections coming up, one of which I haven't yet updated...so....heh

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pet ramps