ooh I'm not feeling well tonight.

I got very upset tonight during aerobics. The substitute teacher goes to fast and makes me feel like I'm some fat, lazy thing.

I am a perfectionist, I realize that now, and for me to not understand something, be the worst there, the low man on the pole (I guess I'm competitive too) is just horrible to me.

A few times I got so frustrated I teared up and felt like I was ready to burst into tears.

I was just that angry, I was so very upset and afterwards I felt better, and I didn't feel like thanking the teacher because I think he's an asshole, macho army asshole! But I did anyway because I suppose I'm classy or nice or something in that area.

I had a hard time at work with my boss being an asshole and me made at myself for not asking for a raise. But I'm too shy or something, I hate to ask for it, I know I should, I will...I will suck up my pride and say, Um...when do we get our raises?

I was ready to quit today, I am just finishing my hell week and my boss won't help me out with my last section, I need it so bad.

He keeps calling me 'dumb ass' too, and I think it's hurtful.

Like when I forgot we had a type of brochure and I was excited I found it at another place, he said 'well all you had to do was walk up to the front, we've had them here forever ... dumbass.'

I think that's uncalled for.

I mean that's like harrassment or something.... Maybe I'm just being to touchy lately as I believe my period is coming along as I've missed last months.....

But still, I want to say so badly, you know THIS is the exact reason why I search so hard for a new job, first off I'm disrespected, second I'm taken for GRANTED.

I feel like sobbing right now, I'm just not having a good time anymore.

My family is just being strangers or maybe I am. I'm just like...leave me alone ... I haven't talked much to my family for the past week.

I keep thinking about Brandon, I don't know why, I shouldn't we haven't met yet and I fear when we do that will be the end of that, I always seem to fuck up that aspect.

I had 4 Eggos for dinner with four sausages, yes, a pig load.

I didn't eat cereal though.

I guess that's good. I have to plan for Friday because I have to go in early and then go work out and then go back and meet my parents for din din and then go work.

So I have to bide my time very wisely. All I know is tomorrow should be tamer as I don't have to work with the fat lady, her tar breath and bad name for fat girls with her nasty nasty self.

I know I'm a snob, but fuck have some god damn decentency.

Yuck. Anyway, that wasn't good eating tonight. Tomorrow I think I might take another frozen meal. I have violin tomorrow, I practiced today and felt like I lost something in my playing, maybe it's excitment or maybe spunk.

I think I lost a lot of confidence ever since my teacher yelled at me, then when I fucked up. I was ready to say fuck you, fuck this and leave, but I kept my cool.

I don't need anymore stress.

I can only take so much anymore and I'm tired of taking and taking and taking all these shitty attitudes and me always being so fucking nice.

I told my mom I'm going to give my boss the cold shoulder because frankly I am tired of his attitude towards me, this disrespect, ungrateful SHIT.

God, I want to quit so badly, they keep telling me all the things I've to do coming up and I want to cry because it's just so much.

I want out already, I really wish I could get married and work part time somewhere, I'm tired of this kind of life, maybe my friends in highschool was right. I'd rather be taken care of and supported anymore, fuck independance.

So, anyway, I don't feel very well and maybe I just feel depressed because I feel like crying and just sleeping for the rest of this week.

Oh well, I wonder if I gained weight after this recent bad eatings. This depresses me. My sister is now a 20/22 and keeps giving me her clothes and I hate it because some dont fit me and I just feel like a fat ass, all I want is to be her size or less, she's always flaunted her being smaller than me and that hurts.... It's what I want and it feels like I'm moving so slow and just am not progressing....

God sometimes, I just feel like I need so so much help.

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pet ramps