Cursessss!!! I was updating and accidently hit the reload button!

Fuck!! Don't you hate when that happens?

Okay, I am going to try to consolidate my diaries and just write small instead of my scroll for five minutes stuff.

I like reading short diaries, lately I've been looking at other people's diaries to see what's going on, just to see how other people live and what they think, etc.

Anymore I find myself becoming more mature, more ... adult in some ways, I don't take shit like I used to and maybe I'm not as shy/quiet as I once was.

Maybe it's my weight loss that is doing this, or having a little life crisis that I am getting older and I sure as hell ain't ready to be married, move or even get a new job soon.

I wonder if people who are getting married and have careers they love, know how lucky they are?

I know I might seem like I have 'it made' as my parents say, but really, I think what I want the most right now is a companion, I feel empty a lot of the time and I believe it's time for me to begin that 'mate' search as I come of age.

But this is scary to me.

I'm nearly afraid of things like this, a guy hitting on me ... for so long, I've been in this 'fat thinking' where my self esteem is lower than the ground, so I'm trying to dig myself out of this and often times I have but still I get that fat girl shock.

I can't comprehend that fat thinking is stupid thinking, I get to thinking all guys want to make fun of me or want to use me.

I have to get past this, I think I'm getting better, and even so, I sometimes just feel so damn confused with my life and how it's going.

I always always say...

I never thought it would be like this, in my fantasy as a child, I never pictured this....

But I am trying to change, really I am.

I am off of Atkins currently, I know this might sound bad, but I knew I wouldn't be on it forever as it does bore you with foods. I'm ruined now on carbs, I eat wiser in a sense I suppose though.

I think exercise is what is making me continue to lose.

I recall someone telling me how they exercised and ate basically good and bad and still did okay (Girlie?) and for some reason I think of that conversation a lot of the time.

Or I think of weight watchers or some other diet.

Then I say, why shouldn't I just eat in my own manner, I do know what's good and bad don't I?

Or do I?

Hm...oh well I must get to going, I'm tired, hungry and bored here at work!

�

pet ramps