As you can see, I'm updating my Diaryland pages, I found this cool person who designs these and oddly enough it was very simple to update!

I need to fix my links and stuff, so don't click on em' unless you want your computer to crash and blow up.

Anyway, I'm happy to finally update, since this server is updating, it's been down each time I try to write. Oh hum...I wish I was rich enough to go GOLD, but I will settle for this free stuff.

Okay, let me see if the HTML works in here.

blah blah!

It's been so long since I've done html, I don't remember all of it, I guess I'll have to look up some of my old tricks because basically I don't update my web pages anymore, so I might as well update and maintain these pages.

OH okay.

I've been eating badly today and lately.

I don't know why.

It's like I'm getting to this point where my body is starting to shape up and I'm eating more and more like to stop it so to speak.

Like I have a box of Celebrations (assorted candy) and a bag of branch's candy mix in my drawer.

I'm off Atkins majorly, I broke down and bought a gallon of skim milk, cereal , oatmeal and cream of wheat.

I adore milk and cereals. I don't think it's that bad of a breakdown, it's not chocolate or anything, but still.

I also bought many Lean Cuisines all containing noodles and nasty things with high carbs.

But I have this little Jenny inside poking me and saying, "You must get back on Atkins if you want to continue to lose."

She's quite and meek currently, but I feel her gaining ground and will soon be screaming in my ears.

I am okay for now, I must say NO to fast (fat) food because last week I was a piggy.

I had a subway chicken salad foot long on cheddar bread, damn it was GOOD.

I also had that Friday for din-din.

Man, I could eat those each day, but I realize the calories alone in that are very very bad, the chicken salad tastes so sweet. I can't imagine all the fat grams it has.

Life sure does suck when you must be conscious of what you're eating.

But anyway, I am going to continue taking that Tuesday class as a sort of 'punishment' for all the bad items I eat and cheat with.

I really fucked up in violin. I felt so bad because I didn't practice for TWO WEEKS, and only for 10 minutes the night before. I could NOT play, I kept playing the wrong notes, playing two strings at a time, then going on sour notes as I tried to slide my fingers to find the right placement for the notes. I was finally at the bottom of the class after being at the top for so long.

I told my teachers I was sorry and that I just could NOT play. I got lost in nearly all the songs and then my teachers made me play on my own in a solo.

I wanted to say, 'thanks for pointing me out and embarassing me.'

I started off playing the notes okay, the teacher said to play a measure, and I did, then realized that at the end of it I played the wrong note! FUCK! I said quickly 'Can I do it again? I played the wrong note.' Then I realized, Jenny you dumbass now you have to do it all over again! DUH.

So I played again and it was perfect, no scratches or fuck ups, the teacher said 'go on' and played two more measures and did wonderfully.

I was happy to see that even though I sucked ass that night, I still had a glimmer of my former self. The two other students played and none were as perfect as mine.

Which made me happy, but then I had to play in a duet, myself and the TEACHER with the two other students against us.

I did well with this one, only fucking up on the second part, but was mildly okay with my playing.

Anyway, afterwards, I walked out of there with such a sad heart, I walked down the steps into the cold to my car and felt tears burning in my eyes because I was upset that I didn't do at all well and felt 'that look' people give you when you fuck up to much.

I got in the car and gathered myself and started to drive home whereas I called my mom and told her how badly I'd done, I felt tears burning again as I said how my teachers told me I was way to tense and uptight and should relax.

I sobbed into my cell phone...'how can I do that? My job is so stressfull now, and I'm always running and things due and then having to be at exercise class, not to mention worry how well I'm eating, how I'm going to pay bills and get a new job....'

I felt like a mess. I didn't cry however.

So maybe this undue stress is what is making me eat like this not to mention PMS that is late once again.

Hm.

I weighed today at 275, so what's that a 2 lb loss?

That internet dude called me today on my cell phone. I didn't think he'd call because our last IM conversation I was getting angry and was a bit bitchy to him.... But he called and I put my cell phone on mute and didn't answer because my boss and two other people were in the office. So I called him later on, he has a mild voice, like he sounds like he could be fun - as he giggled and laughed when I called him back, and he sounded kind of like one of those fun people.

Then I heard a bit of a 'fatass' type of sound to him, like he could be some blob who thinks he's the shit when he isn't. And is just some big loser.

He said he lives with a roomate named...Justin? Or Jared...and they are pigs and typical bachelors. I wanted to say dude you're 27 years old, isn't it time to start gathering up your life?

He said he wants to get a place of his own, but only merely because he wants a dog and his roommate doesn't.

I wanted to say...'yeah good reason.'

So I said I couldn't meet him today because I was to busy, I lied.

I didn't feel like meeting him just yet, though I don't feel as scared as I normally do when I meet people, I think I still want to see how this whole thing plays out.

I don't think it'll pan out.

Anyway.

The guy I work with is driving me nuts. Picture a 50-something coughing the whole time and continuous complaining in a mean manner. In a bitter I-hate-life manner ... then continuous coughing and it becomes so annoying you want to just scream.

Then he groans and then burps out loud.

I want to say 'how disgusting'

But I sit here seething in my own way and wait for the publishers to check my pages.

The way he coughs though, sometime, it sounds like he's having an orgasm.

I know, what does a virgin know of such things, but I've seen enough movies on HBO and Showtime to know the 'sound' and that's what it sounds like.

The first time he coughed so hard I stopped and just looked at him like 'oh my god what the hell'

Hm.

Oh well it's nearing my dinner time, oatmeal with peaches in it...mm.

When I get home tonight I'll fix my diaryland page (that is if the server is up, if not I'll do it tomorrow.)

I read some good diaries tonight, they are short and sweet, I suppose maybe I should do mine that way, but ...oh well...I've a lot to say and don't feel like being creative.

Oh god, he just let out another 'I'm comminggg' moan ewww.

�

pet ramps