It's been a pretty quick day.

My throat still feels scratch and my nose is running and my ears hurt a bit. I feel alright still though, considering yesterday my throat really really hurt.

I figured today I would just do aerobics without putting a riser on my step because I don't think I could handle a step and feeling my lungs and throat feel raw from breathing so heavily.

So, anyway, I'm getting lazy on Atkins, I had a cheeseburger w/fries today for lunch merely because I didn't feel like making myself lunch today.

I really don't like to buy fast food because it's expensive and plus I know it's bad for me and that's not because of Atkins.

I worry a lot about my heart because so many people I know have had heart attacks and I don't want to be one of them. When I was a baby I had heart problems, enough that I almost had surgery. I was born w/ a hole in my heart and paputations, so this worries me so much now.

I think I'm addicted to exercise now, and I've become paranoid and afraid I will gain all this weight back.

My boss took me in his office today and shut the door, he said I could have next week off but to please work the weekend incase anyone asks why I'm taking this time off.

I said okay, I have to go to a symphony open house, which is great and to the Manistee Taste, where local resturants have a tasting of their foods, this is fine with me.

Then he asked if he could ask me something personal, I said alright and looked down at my hands.

He wanted to know how much weight I had lost, I said I wasn't sure, maybe 15 lbs, but the most is off the inches.

He said people have been whispering, or maybe don't be surprised at people whispering about you.

He said he could tell it the most in my face, and it's funny because I don't notice it that much in my face, but more in my abs and waist.

He told me how he wanted to lose and I said he could do it...I felt like an exercise guru, and maybe that's what I'm becoming now.

I really like the health field and maybe one day I will go back to school and become a trainer or dietican or something like that.

I think it would be fun to be a aerobics teacher, but that's just me, not to mention I've so far to go.

I mean I know I've come a long way, but I know I've a long way to go.

So I look at my body now and see how it's changed and it's strange to see because my body is like putty it's always shaping up and looking different.

Currently it's like my fat has fallen from my upper body into my abs and then that falls down to my hips and then finally off my body.

My calves have become smaller, I have chicken legs, my mom says I have her mothers legs and are beautiful, I can't see this.

My dad says I have 'boobs' now, which I laughed at and said I was going to call the police on. He was embarrassed, but I don't care.

My mom says my face has really changed and is now oblonged and I look like my sister, I cringed at this, I don't want to look like her. hehe

But he do look an awfully a lot alike with our high HIGH cheek bones and fore heads...I'd say her nose is more pointed and mine is more flat, I've thinner lips and more angular in my features - I look like a cat - I really do for some reason, that same icy calmness they have is what I have that look that seems to just be arrogance and stubborness, is truly me. Not to mention I've green/blue eyes and she has brown eyes with brown hair and me..my hair color changes from strawberry blonde to white blonde.

I've never thought we've much looked alike, I consider myself to look younger now that I've lost a bit in my face, I look at pics of me as a child and that's kind of how I look now, plus I look a lot like my cousin as well.

My mom says I look like I take after my fathers side, I think I look identical to my mom's niece, I mean we look like mother daughter that's how much we look alike.

Pooks says I look very innocent though, so I do think I look like a kid somehow.

Oh well, I started talking to this dude on im, he said we used to talk and I don't remember him, he's a cop and lives in Hammond and Florida, I never remember the people I talk with, and then they always seem to ask me to hang out with them.

I always feel strange because I think they will flip when they see I'm a 'big girl' and be like ew.

I don' tknow how I feel now about this, I always chicken out with things like this.

Oh well, no big deal.

I think now that I've lost, I think maybe I've been noticed more, I've had a few people open the door for me when before they would let it slam in my face, I know this sounds fake, but it's true.

When I dress down and look like hell, I get treated that way.

yet when I dress up and do my make up and hair immaculately then I'm treated nice, with opening the door and things like that.

The world is just superficial, there's nothing I can do about it either except to play by it's rules.

So I figure, I will be just as superficial and give attention only to people worthy of my attention and stop trying to save everyone from themselves.

I figure I will just be me, and just go about my business as I normally do and not think evil things about myself whenever I walk by a group of guys.

I'll treat everyone with the same attitude and be happy and funny and nice to everyone. Fuck it.

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pet ramps