I never fare through Valentine's Day all that well, I always ban it and become bitter to be in a loveless life of forever singleness, I will see others get lovely flowers and lovely presents and lazily lay their head on their lovers shoulder.

I think to myself that the only 'man' in my life is gay and my best friend.

*Sigh* I feel possibly God has plans for me or is punishing me for something I've done.

The last time I was hit on, was at a restaurant at home when the waiter acted like I was some supermodel and couldn't take his eyes off me. Though it was nice, he was to young not to mention a waiter.

I suppose I am a snob.

My parents rolled their eyes when I said this and said I'm going to be single forever with that attitude.

Other than this I am alone this being the 10th year I've been single.

I did my hair up very nicely today and see that my horrible perm is now in the ends of my hair which makes it look alright now because it curles slightly at the tips, I did my make up well like I'm some make up artist. I'm wearing a pair of pants that are a bit tight, but they are 22's.

My Valentine lunch/dinner is 2 pizza bagles made with low carb onion bagels, butter a bit of garlic salt, italian seasoning and mozz. cheese on top slightly browned.

My Valentine activites are cleaning the house, going to take the mailbox that has been crushed to the Road Commission for a new one, going to court to see a murder trial and then going to work for a bit and then going to exercise.

I'm such a lucky girl.

My mom keeps telling me to get ready for 'guys attention' now that I'm losing. This makes me angry because why must I lose weight to obtain any attention??

I told mom this and I figured it's just the way of the world.

It's a sad thing to realize.

Very sad to think that if I don't lose weight, I could be single forever.

This is true, and it's so hard to believe.

Mom thinks I'll have an attitude when I lose my weight, and I said I probably will because when a guy hits on me, I will want to say, 'would you have hit on me if I weighted 100 more pounds?'

But seriously I dont' think I'll change that much, I'll be more confident I know and feel better because I already feel this.

Ugk, I keep thinking about my poor mail box, that lady I called this morning was a bitch and then the post office guy was a dick.

I just remember how I saw it smashed and in the gully next to where it used to be.

There I was dressed in my professional attire in a mid length black coat and tall block heels, black pants me and with a shovel trying to dig my way to the mailbox to see the damage.

The moon was so bright, it lit up everything, I could see very well and the cars passing by helped me look around for a instant for any mail. There was none thankfully.

I finally got the box and another car went by and honked at me.

Thanksss fat girl in cold weather slipping and sliding and pissed off.

Oh well I was so angry when I came in.

I had meatballs for dinner and then went to bed early again, I slept in till 9, it was so lovely.

I wonder if Pookie got his flowers yet, I feel like now maybe I shouldn't have sent them for some reason. I did it was a joke.

At least he is getting something today, he dates more men than I do. Isn't that sad.

My back hurts already today, I hate when it does because in exercise class it's harder to do things. I hope my teacher plays that dance mix cd that has 'star people' in it, omg I love that, I just kick ass when that's on.

I have gotten better w/ the class though I can do most things but I still can't jump on the step, I refuse to do that...I'm too chicken, I will try it one day, but I feel uneasy doing it....

Oh well I have to write up my article on that music thing last night, then I have to finish up this healthy living guide and begin this newsletter, it seems I have to be so so careful with my time.

I really like my healthy living cover, I hope the boss likes it. I always think he won't, but...who knows. I cannot wait to take my week vacation, oh I really need this break.....

I think I'll take my measurements this week to see if I changed, it's been two weeks...I hope something changed.

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pet ramps