I woke up to my Mom calling me, I slept till 11 o'clock. She said we're supposed to get 2 to 4 inches today. Fuck.

My sister is coming up later tonight, she is leaving Indiana around 7, or so she says. The means she won't get here until late, like midnight.

I don't know if it's supposed to snow tonight, I think it is. I know Sunday we're supposed to get it again.

I'm tired of this fucking snow, this WHOLE WEEK we have snow each day, so here I go proceeding into another spiral of depression and hatred.

Hatred of Michigan and anything breathing, including myself.

It seems everyone is cheating more with our Atkins diet. I mean I swear I dip in the carbs each day.

Oh well, I feel blue right now, I'm listening to my George Michael CD again, as if that's supposed to cheer me up. I just feel very single and very fat and sad.

I look outside and see I have to shovel once more, and I feel like I hate life, my life...it sucks. I feel worried about my future, I don't want it to be like this, I don't want to feel like this and hate like this, if I do I will be a bitter person who will hope for death but to scared to do it herself.

So I sit here and the house is quiet and I hear the trucks going by outside and I know I have to clean the bathroom and kitchen floors, make my bed, dust, vaccume, wind the clocks.

I know I have to drive up to town for my exercise classes and I know I have to worry about shoveling and getting in the drive way, I know Sunday I'll have to seriously worry about getting home since we've a snow storm.

I seriously think about changing my life and just skipping out of this town and out of this state and going straight south and wishing I could forget how I am and how I don't like to be alone because I'm afraid of independence and know that if I just go somewhere new where no one knows my past maybe I could be someone new and something I'm not but pretend to be confident and pretty and have relationships with people that last long periods of time.

But I know I won't because I'm afraid, afraid of not having my parents there to save me, afraid of not knowing anyone is there to care for me, care that I'm sad or if I don't call for a while.

I wonder what will happen when my parents die, when my sister has her own life and never calls, and then I will be alone entirely and no amount of email or co-workers can make me feel loved.

Oh well, I don't need to depress myself today, I really don't. I must pretend my life is a bowl of cherries and act like I'm happy. I will happily clean this house and happily shovel, I'll come home and not worry about getting in the drive because damn it I can get out and shovel if I must. I will cook my low-carb lunch that will also be my dinner and Sunday's lunch and dinner and I will feel the same ol' fake happiness that everyone has grown to love and hate.

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pet ramps