Today was very short. I went to work and went home early.

I had such a headache, it was horrid. I didn't even think I would go into work today the weather was SO bad. The winds were amazing, it was cold, snowy... I went out to shovel and just felt like shit afterwards.

I went to work and told my boss I wasn't feeling well and then left for the day.

I got home around 1 and then went inside and cleaned the house a little.

I was bad bad bad today w/ eating, I had a donut at work, had pizza for lunch. My dinner was 3 cans of diet pepsi and four strips of bacon.

Oh well, tomorrow I go to aerobics, last time I was sweating so badly since the new room is not well ventalated and it's a small room. Also, my legs hurt today because of all the lunges I did last time.

Damn!

I know eating like this isn't very well since I bet it's whats been making me so hungry for carbs lately. What is worst is my sis is coming up Fri-Sat. and I know we'll cheat together.

Oh the other hand, I know that I'm working out a lot now. I mean shoveling, then my classes three times a week, 2 hrs each (except for Wed, which is only an hour) ... so I know my cheats aren't that bad since I do get back on track in the next meal, but still, I think I will begin to get back on track fully now.

I think I lost a few more inches, I put on my pants (24W) that were somewhat tight, today they were VERY big, like over night they suddenly are to big. I know this because before the pants came to my ankles and were fine, today they were past my ankles and running on the ground. Eep.

I was like damn, I think since my period stopped my body is like ... well it's time to begin losing weight.

It's funny because I don't feel very much stronger, or more energetic. I mean yes, I notice I don't get out of breath when I run upstairs, but anymore I've been very grumpy.

I swear it's because the sun isn't out, hasn't been out in now two weeks. I mean NO sun, it just snows each day, and then snows at night, and you shovel and drive with stress because you're scared you're going to off the road, or like me, worried that you won't be able to get in your drive-way. So I think maybe all those factors are making me nuts, not to mention I can't even walk outside around the yard because the snow is soo high.

So I think maybe that's getting me down. But my headaches lately, I don't understand. Like they come in waves, today I got one so bad, my eyes were watering, I felt like crying so hard because it hurt so badly. I think it was because of the wind when I was shoveling, my ears hurt too.

Oh well maybe I am getting a cold because I feel fatigued, tired, have headaches and a runny nose. Ugh, my head hurts as I write.

Oh well oh well oh well, I painted my sisters bird house tonight, it looks excellent. I paint in the Mary Englebright style because my sister likes that style, and I do it very well. My parents think I should sell these on the net, I keep thinking copy right infringement and stuff. I mean maybe I will...it's fun for me, I look at others designs and then go off on my own and do it in that style. I do my own style on some, but all the ones I've painted for her classroom people and the kids have raved over.

I painted my sisters stool in my own design and the kids flipped over it, it was fun to do. I do a lot of stripes, dots and angles. It's fun to me. So maybe if I ask Daddy to make me some bird houses or things to paint, I can start a little 'business' on my own, hell, I can think of myself painting stuff and selling them in stores here. I LOVE painting that stool, I think a chest or box would be interesting to paint as well.

Oh well, my sis wants me to paint a canvas with a fade and tree on it, she saw it done on tv and I keep thinking, damn how am I going to do this? I do not like painting much, I just can't do it very well. Pastels though, chalks, pencil, I adore I think because I can use my fingers to move the stuff around ... ah, I miss art sometimes, I have a box of chalks and some paper that is waiting for me, but I always wonder, what the hell should I draw?

Hm. Oh well, I should get to bed, my head is feeling heavy and my headache is acting up once more, my eyes hurt.

Tomorrow we're supposed to have weather in the teens with an inch snow, I hope the wind dies down soon, I can hear it outside and feel drafts of cold air in the house.

Tomorrow I have to go read a file on this murder trial. Which won't make sense ... but I will go anyway, then I have nothing to do all day. My boss told me today, "I remember when you first started here, you never talked, we thought you were mute ... and now you talk even less."

I was like, what I talk more now. This makes me mad, I talk to people all the time there, and just because I don't stop and "small talk" and waste time, this makes me bad? I was mad at him, I still am, I think because since Mon. I've been in a fowl mood and have really kept to myself. I don't understand why it's so bad not to talk? I mean I do talk to people, but most times I just keep to myself...I really don't like 'small talk' it's needless.

I don't understand this. It makes me angry. It makes me feel like... God I want out of here, it has to be coming, I'm tired of this.

Ugh, I'm somewhat angry at him even now.

I watched the Maxx videos today, man alive some people can write, I mean it's just ... like wow they really thought that out and really makes you think on things. I adore this! When they have those sayings that make you really think and realize how everything has just tied together.... It's like how do they do this? Careful planning? Hm. That interests me and I ask writers all the time this and have never got a straight answer.

I should write again, but I always find myself starting something and then never going back to it, like writing 5 pages and then that's it, I don't go back to it and end up deleting it. I guess that is my goof, I think I'm just scared to write again, I know I should plan a story, but then I wonder, what next, do I try to publish it? Or what, or am I afraid of the rejection, immediate rejection.

I should get back into twilight zone writing, my dreams are so strange anymore.

Oh well.

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pet ramps