It's snowing horrible here. We have warnings all over. I drove to work going 40 mph, the snow was so bad...the roads were white and you don't know what lane you're in. Then the snow gales come and you can't see the road even and wait to see a flash of a car that's about to hit you, yet you continue on because there's no where to turn around at, so you continue on.

You get in work and your boss yells at you in a nice way that even though Fridays are your day off, do you realize a lot of the court dates are on this day? You say, there's only been two I can think of including tomorrow's.

This is my day.

I called up my violin class and said I might now make it because of the snow, and she was kind and thanked me for my column on violins and said I was a kind hearted, loving person. They are so religious, I feel strange when I say GOD, so it turns out I say, GoshhhDdd. Or I want to curse, yet I try to hold it back. I just laugh a lot and smile a lot for no reason because I've nothing much to say.

So anyway, I made excellent egg drop soup last night, I used three eggs, a bit of cheese and boil broth. It looked kind of gross since I put a bit of soy sauce in it. It really looks nasty but hell it's very good, a nice change. I feel like I could cheat at any time, yet I don't because I think of exercise class and it's just not worth it. My low carb food is supposed to come today, but I wonder if UPS will deliever in this fucking snow.

I ordered some more low carb food, I bought 6 muffins at $5 dollars, I pay these crazy prices for low carb foods that aren't that great, but just okay, I pay this kind of money because I don't want to feel guilt by eating something "bad."

So I pay in truth $3 for the muffins and $3-4 for my own conscious.

Oh well I'm at work now, and looking at the window and everything is bright white and dreary at the same time, the snow just covers everything and creates a cushioned softness and quite. I hate it.

I'm so very tired of this snow each day, worry worry worry if I'll be able to drive in my drive way and then worry that that fucking plow guy will over charge me, it's $15 bucks a pop, and he's plowed twice, plus today's ... mom said she's help me pay for it in case it gets to high. What an asshole $15 ... for my little drive??? I need to find a new person.

Next week it's supposed to warm up, so hopefully this snow will all melt and I'll be a happy girl who can run around in the lawn instead of just sticking to the sidewalks.

Last night I installed a new memory card. I went from a 286 to a 512, it's very noticable, but it was hard to install it. I called tech support and had some hindu bitch (I'm not racist I swear) she couldn't speak english and wouldn't answer my questions and couldn't get past that I didn't have the order number. I said through clenched teeth, "Well, if I could TURN ON MY FUCKING COMPUTER, I could give you the number" I ended up hanging up on her and fiddling around with it and fixing it myself. When I was talking to her, I kept thinking about Sept. 11 and felt a bit of anger towards her and wanted to say, what the HELL are you doing working for Dell when you don't know english.

Whatta snatch! I hate when people are stupid like that, I just want to say are your parents siblings?

Anyway, I went to exercise class last night, there were only two of us. In the middle of class this bigger girl came in. She was one of those girls who look like a ball with feet, or appear prego. She was young she joined the class and couldn't do SHIT. I was like, damn I don't feel that bad from my first time. I mean she kept complaining, "I can't do this, I'm gonna leave" and the teacher kept trying to talk her into staying. I wanted to say, WHY? She won't try and she keeps talking. It was ANNOYING. The teacher even altered the class, which pissed me OFF. We did a lighter work out because that new fat ass couldn't keep up. Finally, the class was over and I felt like I didn't get a good work out. I was angry once more, yet happy that I could keep up, and that I didn't have to do low impact aerobics first, which I guess I should've done.

I have strength training and aerobics tomorrow and hope it's not snowy and shitty like this or I'll have to miss, which I don't want to.

Though, I hope I'm not the only one in my strength training like I was last week. That was just strange to just have me and the teacher working out. It was like damn I can't get away with anything.

But also, man alive, doing cruches for both classes is SO hard. She says when you do both classes that's 140 crunches! It never occured to me until she said that no wonder my abs appear smaller.

Yet here is more bad news, my two fav. pairs of pants no longer fit. My red colored cords and my new black dress pants, in fact, none of my black pants fit anymore. They're too big, and that is a God damn shame because I adore them. Especially my cords, in which I'm wearing now because A. they are warm and B. it's their last hurrah. I have a pair of exercise pants underneath for warmth and they still are to big.

I guess I'm not a size 26 as I've always thought, but now a solid size 24. I can't wait till my PMS is done, then I will feel much better and these cravings will die die die! It's like I have a York Peppermint Patty in my freezer that I look at each day because I want it, but yet I don't eat it.

My mom said my sister has been cheating majorly. Eating a big mac, krispy kremes, candy ... etc. Then going back on atkins next meal. You can't do that, it's either all or nothing with atkins because you must keep in ketonesis.... I mean I eat the same foods each day, but hell I'd never think of doing mini cheats. If I cheat, then it's for the whole meal, within an hour and then that's it, back on.

Then I don't lose for like two years and hate myself.

So I figure what's more to me, that quarter pounder, hold the onions, salt the fries more and a coke ... or having my mind be clear and know I'm not lying and cheating myself?

I figure when we go to disney in feb of 2004 that will be my cheat week. Possibly holidays I might cheat, or if I get so sick of it all.

I don't feel to that point at all. I just feel like all foods are nasty to me, I'm just tired of food period. I have to go grocery shopping tonight, and I don't want to. I'm just tired of it alll. I think I'll just go and buy eggs ... and maybe ... some kind of meat... maybe hmm I don't know, I think I'll try a new recipe or something.

I hate shopping, shit I don't even have any cash on me. Damn it.

Oh well, it looks like the snow has stopped, so I wonder now if I should go to class tonight...I might call before class just to see who shows..hm.

Oh well, isn't it annoying when people wear those 1980's black pleather boots with tassels and drag their feet? It so annoys the hell out of me. It's like get new boots, pick up your feet, stop shopping at kmart.

Ug, I hate when people dress like shit when you know they can afford better. It's called clearence sales honey! People think I'm "miss moneybags" here and I want to say, no I shop smart with coupons and sales, I rarely buy anything full price. Like eddie bauer is having 70 percent off, how can I say no to that? I bought $164 worth of stuff and have free shipping, that's a new jacket, two shirts, a pair of pants. Perfectly cheap and all is well!

Oh well I'm tired, I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow, I must tell myself to GO TO class tomorrow, it's only snow.

As I say this, the snow outside has begun again and is blowing sideways now. When you walk outside it feels like you're walking in a screensaver of space.

Ugh. I have to go to court today, damn. I have THREE cases monday, damn damn damn. I think I need a break. I shouldn've come to work today. I don't know if I can ask my boss if I can leave early...though there are three other reporters who've yet to come to work, so maybe, hm, I'll go around 4...I'll call violin class and see if anyone else has canceled.

Oh well, I could type here all day. I'm so bored, I have absolutely nothing to do today. Just the docket. I should harness this bored time and write my fingers off in some fake unrealistic novel I've always wanted to write. I was thinking crazy yesterday of a book that is a play on the ugly duckling, but reversed, a pretty girl turned fat, while a fat girl turns thin and see the friendship dwindle, which in the ending of my book will turn into one of them hunting the other to murder her...muh ha ha ha. I got this thought while I was dying my hair ear wax color, I thought of the character changing her looks every month so the girl cannot find her.

But these plots always sound so stupid when I write them out and I get bored and think it's just a stupid idea and it goes in the trash.

Though I've thought on expanding my short story that won a writing award while in college. I've thought very often on that. Many people liked it and were amazed by it. So expanding it and changing it or adding to it, sounds so ... fun, yet hard. I kept having a fantasy of me writing it and it becoming a best seller and then a movie and who's play the ill-fated hero, who in my books, never really wins, and most of the time dies. I don't like to write happy happy unrealistic endings because nothing is ever happy happy and nothing is ever over.

Oh well, my day will come won't it, I hope it will, or else I'm just living in some bubble on planet ass hole.

I'm applying for a job in Elgin, IL. It's a small paper in "chicago metro" which means it's near chicago, but very small paper 18,000 circ. paper, but it pays $30 to $45 ! GOD DAMN! That's a pay hike for me, but I know I won't get it, I know I've not enough experience. I'll try anyway.

I get my new printer friday, whooppiee!! :) I'm giving the old one to pooks, but he's been a real dick lately, so I don't know.

I think I might buy a new TV for my bedroom too, like a 19' or 17' one I have a tiny ass tv from our old van in there, it gets only 30 channels and sucks ass. I was thinking of going to Kmart to buy one, but I might opt to just get one from best buy so I don't have to lug that thing in my car, etc. It's just easier to order off the net most of the time. Though, who knows, I might just go today and get it merely because I want it now, instant gratifcation.

oh well, I better get going, they must think I'm writing a very long article or something, it's 11 o 'clock, a girl came up to tell me about an article on exercise and said she hates exercise, I really hate to hear that, to me it just says, "I'm lazy, yet I cry that I'm fat" well serves you right. They always mistake me for her, and vice versa...'grrr' we don't look anything alike, nothing, not one bit. She's bigger than me, I dress better! UGK!!!

hehheheheheh ohh I've got cramps.....I'm going to go write a column on something strange and funny because I'm bored.

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pet ramps