Can it really be Monday already?

I worked late last night, thanks to my a-hole night editor who said I could leave when finished, then said, no wait till your pages are checked. There was another advisory out, so I drove home with death at my very car door.

I really hate snow, it's so messy, dangerous and blinding. I know the death of me will be from snow, I hate the cold, wet, black snow that I see as Michigan.

I indeed made it home, and my parents looked tired. This morning I said my goodbyes and started driving to work and get teary eyed. I don't like being alone, yet I like being alone.

I mean, I like my own personal time, but then, I like having company. Just to hear someone in the house and know I'm not alone is what I crave.

These weekends spoil me, I feel and sleep better when I have company, when I'm alone I feel just that and cannot sleep all that well. Plus I feel scared a lot of the time.

So anyway, my job prospects seem dim right now, granted there are a few I want to try for, but seeing as now I want to go mainly into news design, I don't want to sell myself short with 'administrative assistant' positions or things of that nature. So, I'm at a loss. My boss told me today our new report is leaving in a months' time because he got his old job back, which pays more money. Therefore, I have to pick up his slack. Whoopie.

I then felt a ting of jealously that he got out and felt that someday that will be me. My boss said he'd get down on his knees whenever I decide to leave.

Yes, I am a good worker, but what good is this when jobs nowadays ask for 2 years or more experience, what chance do I have in that type of market?

Yes, zero, none, nada.

So I must wait, and wait and wait.

If only I wanted to be strictly a reporter, I'd be alright, I would settle for court reporter though. I adore my court work, it's fun to me, the legal system is so curious, so much to learn.

Oh well, I went to strength Training and then aerobics class, so two hours of working out. I sweated like a pig once more, my hair was drenched, I always get so hot and red in the face, especially when we do the floor work. Man alive I looked like I was having a heart attack or something.

But I know I'm doing well, though the scale doesn't show as much, I lost one pound, so I'm at 277. My clothes definately fit looser. I mean this sweater I couldn't wear before, well I can wear it now!

My pants are slowly showing this, I mean my abs show it the most though, my teacher said that from todays two workouts I did a total of 140 situps! Damn! My legs though, my waist has lost a bit, my thighs have lost a little, they are very very stubborn, they are like, what the hell is going on?

We did lower body in aerobics and that is SO SO hard for me. I mean my hips feel like they are about to snap off. I had to stop today it hurt so bad. I couldn't help it. I really hate doing lower body, though I know I must. Especially if I want to get rid of this big ass I've developed.

Oh well, everyone kept looking at my abs today, I wanted to say, what!? Are they sticking out? It was creepy.

Oh well, I feel better than I did this morning, I do miss my parents, the company, the sound of living in the house. I miss that.

Everyone said today they liked my column on violin. I talked to this lady who said that talent is past down with each generation, so violin is in my blood since my grandparents are professional violinists.... My mom said that is probably why I picked it up so fast. My teachers said I'm a natural, so it's a strange thing to see. Especially when the girl next to me in class plays so so badly, I think to myself, wow...I think I'd quit if I were her or practice a lot. I mean, why can't she get it?

Oh well, I have to practice myself, I emailed this music camp and might go to a three day adult weekend workshop on strings.

I'm thinking if I get good enough, I will freelance, and play at weddings or parties. Make some extra money or something, but of course, I must get better... my teachers said it takes about one to two years to get "good" so I've been playing about a 1/2 year, this includes my self teaching....heheh but I've only had classes for four or so months.

Oh well, wishful thinking.

I am still on Atkins and doing extremely well. I swear I'm tired of food completely, I don't really want any type of food, though chocolate sounds good a lot of the time, or any candy or taco chips, but I know I wouldn't eat them if I had them, when I'm on Atkins I get in some mind set that I cannot have these regular foods and that is what probably saves me a lot of the time. My boss keeps asking me to join him and a few others for lunch and I never do, I make sure I stay away from ANY temptations, I know better, I know myself.

I mean, I wonder if that cheat weekend kind of stalled me as well?

I don't know, my mom thinks by summer time I'll be slim and trim. I just have to wonder on this one.

I can't wait to see after this week how my body reacts to two full wks of exercise. It already is showing, it's such a strange thing to see your body change like this, it's like a science project.

Oh well, I better get off to practicing, it's Tuesday already? Sheesh....Wed. through Fri. are my busy days, I have classses each of those days! Damn!

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pet ramps