I am in Indiana today, I did fairly well with eating.

I lost another pound, so now it's officially 6 lbs lost.

I am very sore from my class, my calves and abs hurt, as so my arms a bit, it's a good hurt that says, you did work out something.

everyone says they can tell I've lost, yet when I look in the mirror I can a little of this, especially in my face, but it seems, my eyes tell a different story, they've changed somehow, I look a bit tired, or they look empty a bit? Or maybe eager or something.

FOR MY EATING:

Breakfast was one slice no carb bread with butter.

Snack on the way home was red pepper and a few pieces of beef jerky and some water.

Got home made 4 sausage links

Went out to din din got Diet coke, steak/meat whatever it was with cheese and onions on top with some veggies, the bad part is I had some peanuts, like a handful but that's a no no on Atkins Induction!

But regardless, I did okay considering there is chocolate and popcorn in the house.

Oh well, I plan on taking these classes more so now that I feel this good pain, I felt like a complete uncoordinated asshole when I was doing it, so my goal is to go and get used to it and be coordinated.

It's funny because in violin class I'm top, in exercise class I'm way low bottom, now I feel like the low ones in violin class, I just have to keep at it.

Ooh, this is fun. Yet when I go there I think, I never want to come back!! lol I always feel like, what the hell was I thinking.

But everyone says my abs have gone in, can one class do this??? I don't think so??

HM. I wish! Mon. I have aerobics and strength training...I might opt to take one class, I mean, it feels like I should've over do it? I mean after that hour last time, I was ready to DROP. So maybe Monday, I will just go to strength training.

I haven't told my sis. yet about my gym stuff, she is a sab, and I don't know if she knows this.

But she asked how much she weighs, I said 260 and she got pissed off and said she weights no where near that, I think she thinks she weights like 200 or something. She said I looked like I weigh 230 .... I told her I loved her lol I said I dont look like I weight, and this is very very true.

Most people think I shop at Old Navy, which carries sizes up to 20, and I wear a 22/24, I'm close, but no cigar. I can wear SOME tshirts, but pants, hell fucking no.

I carry most of my weight in my abs, tummy and thighs. I have my moms awful thighs, they are disgusting to me, my body nearly disgusts me.

Though since I have lost a bit in my abs, I do appear to have larger boobs ... hehe heheh Did I tell you I'm a B cup?

My body is supposed to be thin I think, my boobs don't match up to this body size, I think if I really lost I'd have a cute little body with boobs that match, I'm just worried I'll lose in the cup area, though I can also wear a C cup, my poor guys, or I can toss in my fakies.

Oh well boobs are the last thing I'm worried on, I just want to get this fat off me FAST. I know that's unhealthy, but damn I'm so tired of this merry go round of losing, gaining, desparing and then losing ... the vicious circle of weight loss/gain deceit.

So, far, so good on Atkins, cheats here and there, but they aren't horrid, not like I'm eating chocolate, or any sugars or carbs that badly. I feel good about this, I feel good about losing and feel good like it's my hobby, I feel good to one day be able to tell others how I lost and give them hope and help them out too and inspire them.

I swear, my life, is like that, my columns in the newspaper, are like that. I think maybe that's one of the good things in my life, I get people thinking, I get people to read my things and relate, I help people.

Maybe I'm some young guru of sorts, or just someone that could plainly be someone to look up to or relate to and know that hey if she's like me and did it, maybe I can too.

I think the newspaper business has a lot of power, the words I write have gotten me sued, a simple phrase causes a murmur throughout the town. People laugh, cry and people look to talk to me about writing. I really enjoy my job sometimes, I think this kind of power is what I crave in things.

Like exercise, that power you feel after you've been exercising for a while, you feel so strong and alive, you walk and feel how strong your muscles have become, I think that's what I want now ... power. I want to lose and have that power to know how hard I worked, if guys try to hit on me, I want that power to know what they want, and the power to say yes or no.

I just want that power everyone seems to have, I'm kind of like a little 40 watt bulb while everyone is a 100 watt bulb, I just need to continue the climb so one day I can shine so brightly and mix in, I want to be the D string on the violin, I want to be in tune, instead of being the somber G string that is played very rarely and doesn't seem to change it's pitch with any finger movement, I want to make that jump, that bow movement over so I too can be played loudly and varied easily....

I just want it all.

�

pet ramps