It felt like I didn't sleep at all last night, I got home at 12 and then had to get up early. Tomorrow I have to be in by 9 for a meeting THEN I gotta finish paginating this fucking weekly that is 40 pages then do TV GUIDE. I swear my work is never done.

I went to court today and talked with the folks of the case I saw in Grand Rapids, they were nice and are suing the fraud's wife for money, I need to call on that one ... darn.

Also that little girl who was my first feature story, who had brain cancer died.

I bought the mother a beatuiful card and for once I didn't care if the card was one of those "God" cards, I know the mother is religious and I felt religious as I looked at the cards and read some and started shaking and felt like I was going to cry or faint. I felt strange. So I bought this $3.50!!!!!!!!! card and a bag of jelly beans and signed the card and sent it off wondering and hoping that there is a God and that he is comforting this family and taking care of the little girl. I wish I could fully believe that there is a god, I fully belived in god until my philosophy class, I think that I need something to happen to me to make me say, there really is a God...sometimes I feel that way, you see something happen and think, it's God's plan, he wanted it to be this way.

Does God want me to be fat?

Does GOd want me to stay in MI. forever?

God I hope not.

Oh well, I am buying things compulsively anymore, it's like fuck I'm not eating just buying things.

I bought some bra inserts. lol

Heh heheh I'm tired of having small boobs when I wear my knit tops. I probably won't wear them until I go out somewhere, I think folks will notice that one day I"m a b cup and the next a C.

My parents think I lost weight, especially in my face and legs. I don't feel this way, I mean really, I have lost a few pounds thanks to cutting back, but I haven't gotten on the treadmill thanks to a crazy schedule, and my period ending....

I do cook my own food more and anymore am NOT hungry. I think cuting back on carbs is what HELPS me so much. Granted I drink to much pop and jelly beans aren't healthy, but it's better than before.

So much better, and yet sometimes I look at myself and wonder why I can't be like those folks with that almighty willpower and wonder why I shouldn't just go a dramatic way and take pills and drink only water and eat only veggies. Would that work, should I invest in pills once more. Should I take my old friend hydroxycut? Or take the new pill Trimspa, with a bit of that nasty epherdra.

I could do that, but my mind says, no Jen, that doens't work and you know it.

I know what works, what works is when I was on my low-carb diet and exercising, that's when I lost 2 lbs a week. That's when I was finally getting a shape other than round to me.

Oh well, Oh Well, I found another job to apply for, it's near home, and sounds good to me I talked w/ the editor before.

I also was told today my dad is retiring Dec. 20 and will sell the house to my sister w/ the contents at a fraction of the cost.

This isn't fair to me at all, it's like giving her all these things, money, etc. and I get...? I mean she gets new stove, refrid, microwave, dishes, pots pans, furniture, washer, dryer. And I tried to tell my sister this and she flipped and said well fucking take it all then.

I was like fuck you.

SHe doesn't look at it from my shoes. It's unfair to me. Majorly, but I won't say a thing about it anymore.

But I have a feeling when I want to leave for home and look for an apartment, I want to say, look I want to take a few things from home.

Apartments don't have shit, so I will need all the basics. But all I want from home is a couch, that's all I basically need, furniture.

But then I'm like how long will I have to live with my sister, or what will I do?

I don't know. I'm tired of my job here, my boss was buttering up my coworker, a reporter, just fucking telling her she's excellent in writing and on and on, I wanted to puke.

I wanted to say, what am I missing, I don't think she's that great.

Is it just me?

I'm tired of this petting of her, what the hell is that.

I want out of this job. I work, work, work and work my ASS off everyday is over time and I know overtime is not doubletime. It SUCKS ASS TO WORK 3 hours over the just get an extra $5 on my check! FUCK THAT. I need a new job, at LEAST $25,000!!!

I think I'm going to go look for some carbo addict diet pills.

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pet ramps