I'm a bit scared.

I was reading about polycystic ovarian syndrome and I believe I have this. I've always believed that I have something like this. There's no cure and I don't want to go to a doctor, the "offical" site says there's nothing you can do except manage the symptoms.

The site says:

"This disorder is characterized by changes to the ovaries such that multiple follicles accumulate in the ovaries without ovulation. The ovary secretes higher levels of testosterone and estrogens. This results in irregular or no menses, excess body hair growth, occasionally baldness, and often obesity, diabetes and hypertension."

My periods have ALWAYS been irregullar. Currently, they never end, I know I should see a doctor, but I chalk it up to my dieting changes and stress. But they sometimes go okay, heavy sometimes, then go away for months on end, then I have the ones I am in now where it keeps on going a little each day and if I get upset it comes a lot. I'm currently bloated and if I was regular I'd be having my period right now.

Other symptoms ... I am obese. Yes. My hair is very very thin on top, ala' male pattern baldness only in the front. And I have strange hair growth in other areas that should'nt be hairy...naturally, and depression.

It says these low carbo diets help because what fucks us up is the insulin.

I know I should see a doctor, but I want to lose weight and go. It says this leads to infertilitiy. I don't want to think of that, it makes me want to cry, I know there is something wrong, all my life my periods have been wrong, never ever, right. I know there is something wrong inside. I'm afraid I might have something terrible, but I'm also afraid to go to doctors, not the way my body looks I don't need anyone poking around me, hurting me and then having to pay pay pay for medicines and visits.

I'm in no hurry.

If my time is coming, if something bad is happening in side, it's God's doings.

It's destiny. Maybe it's nothing. But I feel certain it's something.

I think losing weight is something I seriously need to do, I need to go to the OBGYN, I've never gone, I say I will go once I start having "sex" because I don't want some stranger being the first person to see me naked.

But I will go if I do lose the weight, just not now. I'd go to a normal doctor ... hm I wish I could go in and say, here take my blood and see what's there.

I don't know. All I know is I feel like my body is really really screwed up, I've had it all it seems, I think my genes are screwed up somewhere, I was born with a hole in the heart and anymore I wonder how that effected me growing up, is this why my parents baby me? Because I almost died twice in birth?

I feel like a patched up bear, so many things are wrong and I just cover it up with excuses.

I always said I could see myself with cancer, these illness that are horrid, my body is that way, internal, I know I will either not be able to have children or will need to go to a specialist to have kids.

I think that's why I won't go to the doctor, I don't want to know this, I dont want to feel broken and then date or marry and know this and then feel less than a woman, feel like nothing, what would I have to give.

So there I've said it, I've always felt this way and denied it.

I think it's time I wake up. Time I lose weight and finally go get a check up, get some answers. I think it's truly time to see how losing weight helps these symptoms. Will my period go straight when my insulin gets in check?

I think I'm going to being taking Chronium picotate, it's supposed to help that. Maybe I won't lose my hair like I do, or have strange hair growth, or maybe my period will go right somehow with some type of regularity. I guess the only regular thing is the irregularity. IT says hormones is the cause, to much testorone, to much of the other one, so depression is thing.

It's easier to not thinks about these things and act like my mom and say, "Jen you are just overacting, you're fine ...."

I wish I could believe that. I'm too afraid to.

So on to something that will allow me to lose weight again, get me to a size 20, something, that I feel comfortable in, my skin is scarred, maybe I can begin cremes on them to help.

Can I have a new body please.

�

pet ramps