Christ, two updates in one day? Say it ain't so!

Well I'm home from a long day of work. I'm going in early to paginate, ug.

It's really cold, I'm ready to turn the heat on! It's a nice change, but I'm not ready for winter yet.

Oh well, I watched the Anna Nicole Smith Show, I feel somewhat sorry for her and then I don't. I mean I think mentally she needs help, the way she eats, you can really see a eating disorder. I think she's a nice person internally, I can tell that of people when I see them. It's like geez o pete why did she gain so much weight, she is pretty and lord if she lost all that weight she'd be a knock out.

I feel like those folks who tell me those things. I remember my aunt telling me that type of thing. I guess I'm a hypocrite, or maybe those people who told me that kind of stuff was right.

I walked on the treadmill and then ate okay for lunch then dinner was bad! Burger with fries and coke. I had jelly beans and a cocoa at work. It was bad bad bad of me, I already feel fat anymore. I mean I DID lose the 4 lbs I gained, but now I fear it's back again. I keep wanting to begin a serious weight loss routine, I was doing okay for a while.

Oh well tomorrow I call for that job, either rejection or perfection. Either she'll give me a toss or tell me better luck next time.

I wonder just how much experience I need. I Know they think I try to climb that ladder to fast and to often and bother and shake and rattle all the time, and I believe that makes people mad, the fact I'm nice and easy going, pisses them off.

I wonder how I will ever get out of here, I wonder when and where it will happen, when I can leave.

Today I day dreamed about leaving, driving out of manistee for that last time as a resident and now turned tourist once more.

I wonder if I'll cry, and I thought of myself screaming WHOO HOO at the top of my lungs, I know I'll mark that occassion with some kind of emotion.

hoo-fucking-ray!

I hope Im driving alone because if my mom drives with me, she'll hollar at me and I won't be able to cuss.

Hoo00ooo - um - rayyy

"Oh JennYyy" she'll say, and I'll laugh with glee.

Mmm why do I feel I this day is only in my dreams and never to be reality?

I feel in my gut tomorrow she'll tell me I don't have the experience, or something in that manner, some kink in the works. Something so tiny as not having a few more mths under my belt is stupid, if i can do the work, then why not.

�

pet ramps