I am home.

I left yesterday and didn't tell my boss, he was being a complete a-hole, so I told three people, "I'm out of here," they said, "where lunch?" I said, "no, home ... Indiana." Then I left. I left my boss a note and feel as if he will be mad at me, right now I care little, but I'm thinking of emailing him tomorrow or Friday when he might have cooled off ... undoubtedly, I suppose a few others are mad.

Yet I'm not caring right now. I wish I could stay home. I woke up this morning and it was so nice, and I drove around and felt like a stranger. I kept thinking how lovely it would be to work here once again. I'm praying that my resume to my old job sparks an interest enough that they'll call. I feel like it was good enough, not to mention me working there before and also having a few of the qualifications. I'm not caring as much, I just want out, I want to come home and sort things out and then begin with life. I don't feel like I've begun with life as of this point. I don't date, don't do much, just am consumed by planning the great escape.

I didn't eat as well as I should the past two days now. My mom asked me seriously if I'm taking any diet drugs because she said it looks like I lost. I said "no" and that it's stress. BUT I feel like I've gained, I feel very fat anymore, I kinda can see I lost, but in my mind I feel just as fat. I guess stress does make me lose like nothing else. I'm feeling stressful today because I keep wondering if my boss is mad at me, I really wonder if maybe I've drawn the last straw by not saying goodbye.

I do deserve this vacation and I am going to Indianapolis for him just to take a photo and rubbing of a memorial. That's 3 hours there and back...actually it's 4 hours! So I'm a bit nervous to send out a email saying "do you still want those rubbings and photos?...." I guess then he can bawk at me, it's so much easier to yell on a computer than in person. Plus he is very very forgetful ... he forgets everything and maybe by the time I email him he'll have all but forgotten and be alright.

I won't worry now.

Anyway, I got a scared feeling about working in Chicago and maybe that's why God hasn't let anyone call me for an interview, I tried to imagine driving up there or taking the train ... all alone and being lost. I know I'd get used to it, but it's scary to think about that, especially living there. Going from dead Michigan, where there is no one for miles around, to Chicago, where everyone and their brother lives.

I pray that the old job takes me back, it's like a scorned lover, they might see something they liked once before, or they just might put me on the back burner. It upsets me to even think about staying in Michigan through October, November, December.

Very much so...

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pet ramps