I saw Signs tonight, I've Never BEEN SO SCARED!

I held my sisters hand because aliens scare both of us! *Shutter*

Anyway, my sister got home and got in a fight with Mr. Wonderful. My parents hate him and I do too in a secret way, but I should really hate my sister...but I shouldn't because it's none of my business and just because I think she should live her life a certain way has nothing to do with what I think.

Anyway, I'm feeling friendless tonight, I want to talk to someone and Pooks is missing in action, he's hurt my feelings, he IM's me today and says "are you home in Indiana?" duH! I told him a million times i was coming home ... no phone calls, nothing! It makes me mad, so I'm not going to email or IM him, I can't believe he calls me in Michigan and tells me I need to come home and now I'm home and he ditches me? I don't know why I'm his friend sometimes, what do I gain from him other than being alone and hearing his problems and him nevering hearing mine.

My sister is a space case, wrapped up in her new job and Mr. Wonderful she's little time to worry about little sister.

So I'm here again talking to my only friend, the computer who listens without saying a word. Fuck feedback, anymore, whatever happend to the art of listening?

Sometimes when I see older people, they talk and ramble and get that scared look when someone interrupts them because they know people will pan them off and not listen.

I've seen it a couple of times and I hate that feeling, I listen to them and listen and listen. If my sister cuts off my friend on something they want to talk about I bring it up again so they don't feel like they aren't being listened to. I listen and listen and listen.

I'm hearing so much, and they feel so much better afterwards, even if what they had to say wasn't at all interesting I make sure I think it was interesting. I don't like people to feel left out, because often enough I feel left out, and I hate that feeling.

Anyway, I'm thinking of writing a outline for a novel. It's my dream to write one, and I think i should begin. Just a simple outline so I have a course to go on, and not begin writing and have no idea and forget my thoughts.

I still don't know my topic.

The book will be about a girl ... her conflicts will be many, something with weight loss, esteem and those lovely things that I deal with alot and am knowledgeable on.

Her struggle will be something unique, however, something humourous. Something neat and not to down in the dumps as I tend to write.

I'm not sure how I will craft it, I will have to sit down and think on it. I hope I dream up something great, I usually base a lot of my stories on dreams I've had that were fucked up. Or on stories people tell me or that I over hear. Or a show I see on TV that I think I can take a bit farther.

But I need to begin that first step. I doubt I'm looking for anything like "stardom" for publishing, which I'll be lucky to even get the damn thing done...but damn my friend said the least you can write is 108 pages.

Yeow. I think I might base it loosely off of some fairy tale, I love books that adapt to some modern day thing ... like Bridge Jones Diary being based loosely off of Pride and the Predjust.... Hm, something to think on.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good writer, good enought for publication of a book. Like people tell me they like my writing and then I wonder if it's just a isolated bunch. People LOVE my columns at the paper, more than my articles, so I wonder and hope that when I do write my book it will be in the column type of writing style because so many people tell me they just think it's the cat's meow. It's still very intimidating to write such a long piece when I'm used to only a few pages, and nothing drawn out.

It'll take time, lots of time, and anymore, that's all I've got ... and sometimes, it seems I've got to much of it.

Oh well, I'm feeling angry and sad tonight, feeling despair and feeling mostly lost, but anymore I feel that nearly all the time.

As I was walking out of the crowded theater with my sister and friend, my sister and friend got separated from me, I was a few people behind, but I just felt so lost and felt like another face in the crowd, just felt so small and just so ... lost.

�

pet ramps