I know I should update, but it's been crazy.

July 5th is when my boss tells me if they will keep me or not. Considering the past two weeks I've been absolutely crazy, I'm thinking if he doesn't keep me, then fuck him because I've really really worked very hard these past weeks.

Also, July 5 is the start of the giant Forest Festival here, I'm covering 7 items, and if he does fire me, I refuse to work there anymore, plus I paginate two weeklies, which would really fuck things up for them, but let them do what they want, I know I've been working harder and doing more, so that's all that matters isn't it?

I've also had two emails asking for me to send resumes. One is too far, near Indianapolis! The other is in Illinois and is an hour and 1/2 away. I kind of want to go for the ILL. one, but then I'm like, can I drive that far each morning, work 9 to 6 ... so ... it's my "fall back" if I should get fired. I'm also applying to my old paper, I think the job might be filled, but hell I will try anyway just in case. I'm really itching to get out of here bad anymore, after this whole "you have 30 days to straight up or you're out" thing it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. Do I really want to work at a place that was so readily to fire me? No.

So anyway, the quest continues for a new and brighter Jenny Job.

Anyway, this past week my boss published two of my commentaries, which makes me very happy, the public LOVES them and they come up to me and tell me so all the time. Plus this past week, the little girl who I did my first feature story on is dying, she's been given a few days to weeks to live, so it's been hard to speak with her mother, that I like - she's so nice, and then not want to cry along with her since I spend nearly a whole day with this family.

So it's been a hard time for me lately.

Plus this diet, I've had ups and downs, I've lost 10lbs on it, give or take a pound. Plus I found many message boards that help me out. It's not that hard, and I don't really crave breads, just pop and sugar.

But the weight loss is very very nice. And then I wonder if I will ever have the pleasure of taking a bite of a hamburger with both buns and eating fries without some guilt.

I'm thinking again of lifting weights and working out more. Though yesterday I took an 1 1/2 walk through the woods on this article I am writing. It was very fun, except it was deep woods, where there are actual ANIMALS that could HARM you, so that was scary. I might stick to my ol' treadmill...lol.

Anyway, I am feeling nuts today, I have to write up a story, load photos, then go to another interview and take photos and write yet another story, all in the matter of a few hours. I don't like this recent pressure, but this reporting.

I am going to take Wed. off since I worked the weekend, 6 hours, yes 6 HOURS yesterday and today, lord I'm going in at 2, and then ... will be done around 6 .... 4 more hours right there.

Oh well, I still feel quite stressed all about my 30 day thing, I dont' know why, I told my parents I don't THINK I'll be fired, but yet in the back of my mind, I wonder, will I? Could I? No, not after all I've done lately ... but... still....

So next time I have my boss alone, I will say "How am I doing?"

Depending on what he says, if it's bad, I shall resign like my parents said so I can get unemployment and then not look so bad when future employeers see that I've resigned and not fired.

But I don't feel it will be like this.

Not with this signs and words of "Jenny, don't worry about it ... I know you can do it."

I wanted to laugh, don't worry about it?? Yeah, don't worry about being fired. Sure.

So I know I shocked him with how I reacted, nearly crying and so very upset, I really dont' think he's had to do this before. And I think I made him feel really really bad since he kind of treated me and continues to now. He considers the workers like family, so I think seeing me always so stone cold, and then react with a red face with tears in my eyes and me constantly wiping my eyes and shaking at work, I think he was shocked.

Oh well, it still upsets me a lot, I mean I could cry all over again when thinking about it.

Not like I want to stay here, but being fired? I've never been fired in my life, never ever been told I'm not doing my job either. In fact, it's just the opposite, I've ways been the over achiever at work, the girl who does her job and everyone elses, here ... I don't know why it's like this. Maybe because I hate it here, when my other jobs were where I was actually happy?

Okay I will begin sending out resumes again, I have 6 months experience and clippings to show. That's half a year's experience, along with my past experience ... if these papers are asking for resumes, then am I beginning to be someone to reckon with?

Oh well, this whole weight loss thing is scaring me. I mean actually seeing that you're losing, is eerie when you've tried so hard in the past and never saw results such as this - though I know it's only water weight, and the fact I've cut out a food group(s) and the fact I eat salads for lunch and no, yes NO Pepsi, only diet caff. free pepsi's ... I'm sure all of this is playing a role in my fast weight loss, and yet it worries me since I know you're only supposed to lose 2 to 3 lbs a week, where I've lost 5 lbs a week now for two weeks! Not good, not grand ... but I can fit in a Jones New York size 22 pant teee eheehheheehhehe!!!

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pet ramps