Okay I updated yesterday and I will again today because my parents just left and I don't have my mom reading over my shoulder, which pisses the fuck out of me.

I got another job email,that is three now in only a week! How grand, but still none of which I can seriously apply for. The one I got today was for a position in Texas. HA, as if I would move there when I want to go home. Hello! No thanks. (Sorry Lucy lol)

Anyway, today I made no sugar gummy worms. It was easy, but I think next time I'll use less gelatin, you could tie them around a newspaper they are so elastic!

I bought TWENTY TWO dollars worth of groceries! I CAN"T BELEVE it. All I got was jello, pudding and fresca pop. I was like Jesus!

Anyway, I worked my asss off today, I'm taking Wednesday off so I can go shopping.

Anyway Pooks called me at work and I couldn't talk. ;(

I miss pooks, he's coming up to see me in July! Eeeee

Then again, he might be helping me pack if I am fired, which I doubt. My mom said today, watch them keep you on, then you find a job at home...ahh what a dream, then she got me excited when she told me I'd have to write a 2 week notice letter, aww what a heavenly thing that will be.

Cause I'm Jaded still from him telling me I'm not doing my job.

J-J-Jaded soo Jadeddd, that reminds me of that Aeosmith song.

Anywho, my dog is sitting behind me on the arm of a chair and it's scaring me...and he's howling cause my parents left, so it's freakier, he's so cute when he howls, he's a meta-soprano in dog-world.

Okay I'm being stupid, must be hunger, I made sugar free Kool-Aid and put in only 7 cups of water instead of 8 cause I like it real sugary.

Plus today it hit me again that I'm still single. And then I caught myself looking at this guy and thinking, damn I bet that is what Jo looks like (my internet dream man, which in person he's probably a dog oh well.)

THEN last night I went to take photos at this prom thingand know one of my goals is to wear a strappy long ballgown dress and be wonderfully tan with nice hair.

Oh well, maybe I shouldn't drink this kool aid now it's so sugary and might throw me out of ketosis or whatever the fuck Atkins calls it, I don't think I've been in it yet, my mom sure is her breath could kill a fucking fly, I can't sit next to her cause I gag. I told her I'm not going to get that breath cause I talk face to face with people and it's so pungent you just want to claw off your nose.

My next goal is to get a good hair style, I hate my pony tail or clip hair, with a poodle ass perm that won't go away. My Mom said the other day, that's funny how that frizzes on top, OH THANKS MA I said, and then thought you did it to me, but I know she'd cry if I said that outloud.

Oh well, I keep feeling scared that I'm going to stop losing weight. Today I weighed in at 280.0, from 290? That's pretty good, my "normal" weight is 270, so ... when I hit 270 I shall throw a party for myself since I haven't seen that in a while. Then lordy be 260 ... 250, I will throw up on myself. 200? A dream.

Will it last? When will it end?

When will I have a potato chip dipped in onion dip again?

Or Dairy Queen Peanut Buster Parfait.

McDonald's Extra Value mean number 2 with a coke.

KFC potato wedges? Biscuit with honey and butter?

Um ... fuck Beggar's Pizza with poppers a large coke and ranch to go on the pizza (it's REALLY GOOD)

Hm...when ever will I eat this way again, can I say this diet so far has totally changed my way of eating? I think I will know in a months time, since tomorrow will be two weeks. Lordy be I want some lemon chiffon cake from sara lee and then lasagna, a blueberry muffin and death by chocolate cake.

The funny thing is, I know when these things are in front of me, I can't eat them. I look at them and feel guilt. I had 5 french fries from McD's and I felt like I just blew my diet. Even a bit of burger bun, I felt fat.

I think I will totally totally stick to this diet for the next two weeks. See how the weight loss goes, I'll update more, I swear it. Especially now when my life seems to be living again, like a spark has been set and I'm realizing I can regenerate my search for happiness in a job at home, with that feeling in my mind that says be scared cause you might not be happy when you get this dream Jen. Then what. What now.

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pet ramps