Today is one of the worst days.

A dream came true, my boss extended my 90 day "trial basis" employment another 30 days because he doesn't think I've covered my beats well enough.

And if I don't try to fix them, it "might affect future employment."

Then he said, well out of ten things you have to do, you do 6 or 7 right, but those 3 or 4 are the ones that we need.

I wanted to throw my chair at him. I sat there not really upset, the more I thought about it, the more upset I came. So I'm trying to hold this back, and my nose begins running, my lips puffy and then my eyes threaten to drop my tears.

SO, I tried to hold it back, but I was visably upset and after a meeting he takes me in his office and asks if I'm alright, and I say yes, then tells me I screwed up last week on pagination and left out a sentence.

Thanks. I just love this sugar coated disapproval.

So I left and got in my car and burst into tears and have been crying since.

I don't know why, I guess because I know everyone must be like "what's wrong with Jen?" And the fact I've never been in trouble in a job, I've always been the star employee with no problems.

So my parents just called to talk to me, they go over everything fucking 5 times and then tell me how to do my job and then tell me I'm a baby and then tell me that I suck.

So right now I know I will look uglier tomorrow because I've been crying hard since I left work, and I dont expect the rain to stop. I just hope I can keep it together tomorrow. I just hope I can look at my workplace without feeling hatred and despair and feel like just driving on and never looking back. Yes, I regret coming here, I don't care how much EVERYONE SAYS it's "good" that I am gaining experiecne. Only thing I've gained from this is hatred and asking why the fuck I'm here. I will never ever like it here in a million years.

Each time my boss looks at me I will think of this moment, and each time I walk in the doors I will think of this moment, and when I leave I will think of this moment and be happy that I'll never have to live in such a hell hole.

So naturally I'm very upset and on edge right now, so much that my parents seem so stupid to me, because they don't understand me. They dont't try to comfort me, just tell me that I need to get working or else I'll be working at Kmart. Thanks, I needed to be told that. They are so stupid in their logic, I didnt need to be told what to do right now, I know what I must do, all I wanted for them was just to listen and not tell me what to do and just be there for me, but no, they weren't and never have been, so why did I think this time would be so different.

I hate my life, myself right now, I can understand why people get on prozac, I can understand why people flip out for a moment of insanity, I can understand why people binge eat because of days like this. I hate everything right now, there is no more good. I hate myself for coming here, I knew, I knew when I interviewed, I had that old feeling, but I let my parents talk me into staying, I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid that I know I won't be able to get a job back at home for some time and know I must continue to suffer and loath everything here, and then wonder why I couldn't just be someone who gets married has kids and stays home, it'd be so much better than this. I just want out and have no judgements or comments or someone "help" me out with stupid fucking "how to fix Jenny's life" quotes and dialogue because no one even knows how I feel or even tries to understand, so just shut the fuck up already.

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pet ramps