Wow, what a long ass day!

I get up and leave to go home at 9, I am trying not to cry, I'm tearing up and I kiss daddy and just hop in my car, he's standing outside my car waiting there and I'm like OMG I am going to burst into tears so I speed off waving to my family and THEN burst into tears and try to calm myself as I'm going on to CHICAGO expressway, death trap, 3 lane busy time traffic. My glasses are smeared, it begins raining and I want to just pull over and lay down on my seat.

Anyway, I get to work, my boss is like "well you missed the fire last night, three children died in it."

"Oh" I say, that's nice, I was happy to have missed it, I couldn't imagine interviewing the mother, family, friends. He said he might put me on the case tomorrow, but, I hope not, I just can't ... that's just ... I know I'm a reporter, cops, court, fire is my beat ... I dunno, I've already had to deal with those who've lost everything, but not human lives, that's a whole different thing.

I can't deal with that, not in my state, not how I feel anymore. I could crack under pressure and stress. Bad enough tomorrow is filled, tuesday filled, not enough my boss makes me feel afraid all the time and walk on egg shells, not enough that I realize I hate everyone I work with, I hate the office, I hate the town, I hate this place.

Not bad enough I am still sick, my nose is a faucet and my throat is sand paper and my head feels like a balloon.

Bad enough no one cares for me in Michigan except myself and a phone call home.

And yes, bad enough that I've cried three times already today and making that lump in my throat explode and the storm in my head to rain down tears on a already grey face.

A ray of light appears however!!!!!

I found a job at my college! Though I have little change of obtaining it, it asks for two years clerical work, I can sort of give that, in a odd amount of jobs I've had that deals with people, hell I am great with the public I worked for fucking Disney World. I shall have to add that to my resume as well.

I worked for Purdue before, let's see, that would be THREE times before I've been on their pay scale.

Two years though, hell! I worked, um four months as a aid in an office at purdue, then worked at the newspaper as a typist and did answer phones a lot and that was for...about ... 7 months? Then as a tutor which I ran a desk .... 5 months, and hell now as a reporter I work a lot with the public and I've worked about 4 months now?

Oh hopeless, that's my only problem!! I havne't enough "clerical" experience, and would they think me nuts to go from a reporter to a librarian? IT IS A PAY RAISE! Isn't that sad a no degree required job pays MORE than my degree required?

PITYFUL! Sick, sad world

I think they might laugh at me, or maybe look at my resume with curiousity.

Or course my MOM was a librarian, couldn't I say I "interned" there or something? lol

They will usually give me a interview, then tell me at the end, "well, I don't think you've enough experience" then i want to say WHY DID YOU EVEN INTERVIEW ME THEN!? HELLO!?!?!? I hate that! I've had that happen twice now, that sucks ass.

Oh well I'll try for this job regardless, I have a sorted career past that might give them some spice, I am excellent with computers, the public and learning new things.

The interviews get me, I have to kind of talk them into hiring me.

My past "I want to get my master's" hasn't worked too well.

I will have to think on this, what is my new attack? I must research again, well, I will whenever I get an interview, if I do. Anything to get home again.

How come I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz?

Is it any wonder my dog is named TOTO and that I am trying to get home, my yellow brick road is paved in my resumes and Oz is just an interviewer?

Hm, regardless, it's hope, it's trying to get the concrete ball I've created rolling. To get bug's in everyone's ears that I want to come back, my parents seem to understand now how much I dislike it here .... for now, I will just this 1 oz bottle of hope and then after I use that up, look for another.

Just pray they ask for an interview....How great it would be just to go back to college!

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pet ramps