I find that I wake up now when I normally wake up for work, give or take 10 minutes, yet when I wake up Monday to go I will grumble that I want to sleep more, I know I probably couldn't anyway.

So now I'm sitting here feeling strange as if I should be at work or that I'm late. I get antsy and then I feel bored and I eat. I guess that's why I lost weight, I'm not home enough to eat my heart out of bordeum.

I am not content anymore, I'm not sure what happend. I think ever since getting that letter yesterday, it burns me up. I think also how my boss will yell at me Monday for a project he wanted done by that day and out of 7 schools that I need info from, only 1 has turned it in.

He won't be happy and I'm not happy since I've been calling them for two weeks, with false promises of "I'll get it in" and nothing comeing, me calling back and them saying "oh yeah, I'll check up on that." nothing, nothing, just a red faced boss wondering why he hired me and an employee with a equal red face wondering what the fuck she's doing there with an ass hole un-understanding demanding mother fucker.

I am starting next week on my diet. I need to get my mind off of work and getting out of here. I try in vain and pray for new jobs to pop up and yet I am praying that in 8 months I will send out my resume with something to reckon with and not just another paper to add to the recycling bin with a full belly laugh.

Oh yeah, diet, yep I am going to really try, I want to work out more, I can see how when I walk up stairs now I am winded. I only work out one day a week now! How bad, maybe that's why i feel shitty and tired, I need to work out and get my body awake and living again. I think my eating is alright anymore. Sometimes I eat to much, but then other times I don't eat enough. Maybe it balances out somewhere. I think exercise will really really benefit me, I need to get in a mind set, that old thing that I won't feel right if I dont' do it, like if I don't brush my teeth.... I'm also beginning those new pills I got, they don't seem to bad for me, they lower colesterol and clear up your skin, lovely. We'll see, I'll be on them only for breakfast and dinner, I don't need help at lunch.

Oh well I'm getting hungry now, though it's nearly noon, so that's okay. My mom made a pound cake with a full stick of butter, it's so good, and I know it's so bad for me, but I love it, I could eat that whole thing! I've already had two chunks of it with strawberries for breakfast, and a handful of nuts. Oh man I overeat when my parents are around. I hope I don't do to badly when they come up for good in two weeks. Ug, I don't want to gain, I just won't let myself gain. LIke my dinners of just rice are fine with me, or just soup, so I will tell them this if they push for me to eat something I don't want to.... Oh well it's cold and am my feet are ice cubes! My dad just finished mowing and we're going to town to go food shopping, wash clothes and eat lunch. Mmm what do I want today?

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pet ramps